A Disaster!!!

My Heart Nazi's attitude meter is set on grumpy. It's been a long week and we're tired. We're not mad at each other or anything, just restless and grumpified. Fall fever has led to a case of the sulks. Super Gillian to the rescue! Rather than deal with stoic, sullen Corey I head out to find a "happy." See, Corey's got himself a man grill and Publix has a meat sale. The two were meant for each other don't you think? Well I did. I came home with two of the biggest tbones I could find. I had visions for Corey happily making man noises over his fire and enjoying a nice dinner.

To bad I had to ruin it. See this bottle? It's death with a cute little cap. Hottest. Stuff. Ever. Those beautiful steaks were ruined I tell you, RUINED! It was like eating beautifully cooked, medium rare, fire. Misery on a plate. Look at the name though! It's PERFECT! As in Hip-hip ARRGGHHH! Hip-hip ARRGGHH! Pirates are funny.As I don't eat mammals poor Corey was left to sweat it out on his own. I had a grilled cheese on wheat.

Okay guys I've committed some kind of chick sin right? Is this some kind of epic level of girl dumb? I destroyed a cow's butt. What's the penance for that? Buy more cow butt? Ideas? Anybody? By the way, if I didn't feel so bad this would be rife with fun one liners! The Pirate's booty made bad bootie! Yeeeah. Anyway. I feel too guilty. Have at it, my expense. I deserve it!

I'm melting!

So I had a bad day. I love, love, love my job but yesterday was TOUGH. One frozen iPhone and a mountain of problems didn't deter my computer from having an attitude. Great. After crawling under my desk to fix it I seriously considered just staying down there. It'd be like the Wizard of Oz. Sorry, there's nothing left but the desk and my beloved Michael Kors wedges sticking out. I'm hiding. Sassy footwear aside, I took my pounding head home hoping a rocking boat in a beautiful marina would soothe away the rough edges. It did, just like it always does.

Chuck came in and settled himself right beside me on the sofa. I'm busy regaling Corey with my day's misadventures when I produce this little nugget of Gillian wisdom. "I love Chuck. He knows just when he's needed. Look at his cute stripes. Like a zen garden. I'm petting a fuzzy, soothing, zen garden."

My zen garden chooses this exact moment to audibly fart. ON me. Amidst the green stink cloud and my high pitched protests my husband happily sat, laughing his fool head off. Yeah, yeah. I know. It's funny huh? Go ahead and laugh why don't ya. I'm cutting my losses, getting into some jammies, and heading to bed. Here's hoping tomorrow is stress and stink free!

Coronary Bypass Surgery on Wikipedia

Most. Awful. Thing. Ever. I'm warning you, don't look. I've been hearing some murmurs and talking to people just to scamper home and do my own Google searches. Here's an interesting heart nugget. Stents aren't built to last. They're like boob jobs. Occasionally you need a redo. Crap.

Now don't panic. This isn't ALWAYS the case. Lots of people will keep their stents for their entire lives. Lots won't though. You may tick along just fine or you may need a "tune up." There are lots of reasons why. They may clog back up or they may get old as your heart gets older. They just plan may not work for some people. It's a stinker but it's the truth.

So what's the tune up? How do you fix a broken stent? Can you remove a stent? Yes, it's fixable. No, you can't remove a stent. At least not how you think. For someone my age, steps will very likely be needed. As I get older, so will my stent. Eventually I'm going to need some help. That help comes with the name Coronary Bypass Surgery. Scary huh?

It can be. It's open heart surgery. A vein is taken from somewhere else in your body and sewn into your heart. The new piece acts like a graft and the blood moves through it instead of the sick part. It's like taking a detour around road construction. The stent is now useless. The blood goes around now, not through. Wiki has some great info on the procedure. Go here.
The info is clear, concise, and scary as heck. It's wince inducing. Please sweet baby Jesus don't picture my face, or yours, or anyone you know when you read it. If you do you're a darn crazy fool and you'll get all worked up. Chill. It's just a wiki link. It IS the worst wiki link I've ever seen but I warned you. Go forth and Google if you must. Let's start with the stuff that makes me squeegy. It's likely they'll go through my sternum. Yikes. There's a chance my heart may be stopped for the surgery. Double yikes. The list of complications is long and extremely squeegy feeling. There's also a dizzying array of methods so you never really know what to look forward to. Apparently it's surgeon's choice. You know, like lunch. Huh. Now the good news shall we?

I'm not going to need this for quite a while. If a chick can keep the same fake boobs for over a decade I'm thinking my tiny metal spot should last at least 15 years. At. Least. Complications and fear aside, I'll likely be feeling pretty sick by then. Bypass surgery is a major pick me up. A new lease on life. Again! That would make me double blessed. My heart would be twice held and twice saved so that would be wonderful in my book. Something else to make you feel good? Bypasses are done all the time. Every darn day in fact. I may have to lay on another table eventually but the odds of me walking out are very high.

See? Nothing to be scared of. It may not be fun, it may not be glamorous, but it's just part of it. The price you pay for playing I guess. Scared? Yes. Optimistic? You betcha.

Side note - Was the wiki picture reeealy necessary?!? Who's bright idea was THAT? Where's the nice, impersonal diagram?!? Jeez. Gross Wiki, gross. Thanks a stinkin' lot. Ugh!

I go to Publix WAY to much.

Every once in a while the clouds part, the sun peeks through, and you get a goodie for no apparent reason. It may not be a big goodie but it still makes you smile and brightens your day. Lookit what I got! It's fab-u-lous!

I pop into Publix several times a week. When I was riddled with bruises and needle marks (and hard to look at even to me) the deli guy took his lunch break to walk me around the entire store. He pointed out the heart healthy items, explained the low sodium benefits, and even helped me check out. All of this and he never once made me feel bad. There I am doing my best impression of Skeletor and he's extolling the benefits of a high protein diet and pushing my cart around. This guy's momma raised him right! When I felt better I made a beeline to the manager's desk to sing his praises. I made his day but he made a bad situation just a little better. He deserved a big thank you. People don't get recognised enough these days you know?

The bakery lady sneaks me a cookie when I buy my whole wheat bread and urges me to "have fun with the little things" in life. All of the check out people know me and I ask about their families. These people are NICE! Case in point...

"Hey! There's that nice lady with the freckles!" Yes, I'm an idiot but I actually looked behind me. I'm motioned over and presented with THIS! Yum! They gave me a cake! Someone's flavor mix up along with a closing bakery led to my chocolaty windfall! Ah, frosted chocolate baked goods. It's been too long my friend.I love Publix. I really, really do. The best roses are frosted ones after all! This is my breakfast today y'all! Don't judge. You know you want a piece!

Here's your assignment for the day. Give a "cake" to someone. Go be nice. Know anyone that really needs lunch or a small iTunes gift card? Find a manager and praise someone. Send a handwritten card. You may make someone's day but you'll be the one smiling!

Gillianese gets drunk.

Everyone that knows me (or reads this blog) knows that I tend to improvise when it comes to the English language. I can tinker with words the way William Shatner tinkers with their delivery. Can't figure how to describe something? No biggie, just make something up that sounds nifty. As there was a truly epic football party in the marina this weekend I thought I'd share some drunk Gillianese that has caught on. Keep in mind that I was the only sober one there and this just makes it even more silly.

Term 1 - Drunkneck - An inebriated individual usually saying "Hey y'all watch this!" They also have the uncontrollable urge to "do something" that usually ends up with a trip to the ER. Their better halves, while irritated, are gratified in their knowledge that the drunkneck will NEVER live this down. Stitches come and go but drunkneckitude lasts forever.

Term 2 - Drunkasaurus - Ever seen someone so torn down every little thing is difficult? Ever seen a drunk and grumpy routine? They may try and try but succeed they don't. Congrats. You've got yourself a dinosaur sighting. The Drunkasaurus is LOOSE! Quick somebody pen him in! Why do I call it that? Go here to see my inspiration. Cute huh? Oh come on, you know it's precious! Tell me you don't know someone like this after a few too many!

This weekend led to a drunkneck sighting on the beach (poor guy hobbled around for quite a while) and a whole boatload of Drunkasauruses. Every man within a 3 boat range, my poor husband included, was a dinosaur last night. Little arms waving everywhere! Ah, football season. It's great isn't it?