Victory!!!

Meet Big Ugly. He's a muskogee that showed up last year and turned our swim platform into his own private bathroom. Corey discouraged this by spraying the platform with water everyday. We don't want to hurt him, but the dude had to go. Big Ugly retaliated by being personally offended by, not Corey, but me. I spent all of last summer being chased down the dock by a giant flapping bird that sits in it's own poo. Lovely.

Skip forward a year. I walk outside one morning to be greeted by a big pile of poo on my snow white boat and none other then Big Ugly. He saw me, I saw him, then fast as a snake, he cracked me with his beak. OWWW!!! Are you kidding me with this?!? Between the bird and the Plavix I had one heck of a bruise. That sucker will raise a knot that will last a month!

I love animals so I STILL defended Big Ugly and have spent the last month being chased again. He's always on our boat! He hisses, he flaps, and when he catches you he leaves big bruises. At least I'm getting a heart workout right? All this running is good for something!

I was on the beach yesterday for my daily walk when Big Ugly popped up. That dude landed and let out a sinister hiss right in front of me. "Shoo Big Ugly. Shoo! I'm not having it! Go away you dumb duck!" He started flapping, I started running. I've never done ANYTHING to this nasty thing! Now here I am sprinting down the beach with a giant, mutant, flapping duck hot in pursuit. I survived a heart attack and can't escape a dumb bird. Wait a minute.

I...survived...a heart...attack. And I'm running. From a bird. I skidded to a stop and wheeled around to take a defensive stance. Against a duck. "Bring it Big Ugly! Get over here you mean thing!" I got thumped on the hand, he got thumped on the head and the battle went like that for a bit. I finally gave up, I didn't want to hurt him, and drop kicked Big Ugly right in the butt. He lost a few tail feathers and backed up! "YEAH! That's what's up! Get over here! I'll kick your fuzzy butt down the beach you dumb, mean bird!!!" I took off after him and he ran away!!! Victory!

This morning I stepped outside and there was my nemesis. On the dock not the boat!!! He gave me stink eye but kept the hissing to himself. Finally. Respect! Now I'm going to leave him alone and he better do the same. Big Ugly 10. Gillian 1. But it's a big 1! And for all of you that worry... he's fine. I think I have more battle wounds then he does.