So much for karma...

So I'm sitting on my back deck and enjoying some afternoon sunshine. Minding my OWN business I might add. A bug comes up with a stinger butt and I decide to practice my new inner calm and ignore it. Little stresses don't matter, the bug deserves to be there, it's not interested in me, yada yada yada. I serenely watch as it buzzes off and give myself a mental pat on the back.

OWWW! It stung me! That little 'effer snuck up behind me and nailed me right on the back! This is no small thing I tell you. It's an alligator tear inducing, hot poker feeling, sleep tossing ouch. That little punk. Bully. I hope it's one of those bugs that dies after it sticks you. That MIGHT make me feel better about having a sting right on my waistline.

Now here's the thing... If I had flipped out, screeching at the top of my lungs would it have stung me? If I'd scampered away and made Corey go on a bug hunt would I be sporting this fabulous whelp? Either way, a relaxing afternoon it wasn't.

Celebrate Tuesday at Middle Bay Light!

Pictures, pictures. pictures! There's lots for you to look at in today's post! Guys, I had a BLAST last night! The minute I was off work I was booking it across those dock boards. Date night! Corey did his man thing and installed a new water pump. Yay! Why am I so excited about a water pump? When you get a new integral part of your engine replaced you get a sea trial. I got a boat ride with my favorite person in my favorite place. Mobile Bay. Isn't it beautiful? We're off! She ran like a dream guys. With lots of love and care (and parts!) she runs like the well oiled machine she is. She plows through the water powered by two Detroit Diesel engines for work horses. She may growl like a lion but she acts like a lady. Not one complaint! See my ridiculously happy husband? He's proud of his work! He finally got to let her loose! This is him kicking it up a notch and testing her out. Can't you just see the happy vibes he's radiating right now?Okay fine, maybe not. You sure can on me though! I'm thrilled with our girl! Cheese grin! We're going WEST!!! What's west? Just my favorite place in Mobile Bay...
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Middle Bay Light! Isn't it beautiful? It's a tiny lighthouse that used to mark the mid point of the Mobile ship channel. See her flat top? It wasn't always like that. I get a happy shiver just thinking about this... Middle Bay housed an honest to goodness Fresnel lens. Wow. Big, big wow. A Fresnel lens is rare now and they're works of art. I can't believe we used to have one! Check out what Middle Bay used to look like when she had her lens. Gorgeous!It's like a candle on a cake. Perfect. I'm glad she lost her lens before my time. It must have been a heartbreaker to see it go. If you want, you can read some of the beautiful, interesting, funny, and sad history that I'm so addicted to here.We stayed as long as we could then raced the sun home. Of course, just to cap off a perfect boat ride, we spotted dolphins! I tried to catch a shot for you but they're squirrely suckers. I did get a shot of our sunset by accident though so that will just have to do. All in all, Corey had a blast, I had a blast, and the dolphins did to chasing us home. The only grumpy Gus?
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.Someone got left on the dock! Chuck's spot on MY side of the bed, on MY happy color quilt, left with the boat. Just look at the pissed off level of "cattitude" he putting out! He was quick to claim it and didn't budge the rest of the night. Poor old man. :(

Well that's it! This was a monster of a blog post! A blo-ster! Visit the links and I hope you liked my pictures! See you guys next time!

Everybody's got something.

Bug! BUG!!! There's a bug in the boat!!! COREY! Getitgetitgetit! Yeah, yeah. I know. We all have something right? If there's one thing that totally flips me out it's a cockroach. The definition of a phobia is an irrational fear. While I know it's ignorant, I'm so scared of the nasty things that I can't even get close enough to kill them. See? I told you it was irrational.

Bugs are an unfortunate part of marinas in the fall. They all seem to pop up with the weather change. One minute you're having a perfectly good evening and the next you've abandoned ship because a cockroach is FLYING around the living room. Poor Corey. I cower on the dock, refusing to set foot on the boat until he goes in and kills it. The worst part? He really doesn't have a choice. Here's why...

One night Corey and I were snuggled up in bed when I spotted a cockroach creeping around. This presented a rather big problem. There's no way I'm going to sleep with that critter inside. Do I disturb my slumbering husband? Nope. I grabbed a can of Raid and tried to sneak up on it. I sprayed it, it charged me, I panicked and held down the trigger. I literally finished off the can of bugspray. That sucker was snow white and d.e.a.d. Victory! Not really. I gassed out the boat. Corey woke up coughing to find his wild eyed wife clutching a can of Raid and crouched on a counter. Not my finest moment. We both ended up outside coughing and red eyed. Corey briefly braved the fumes to retrieve the dead bug and open the hatches. The poor man doesn't stand a chance.

Because of this little eccentricity of mine we have the unbuggiest boat in the marina. I've spent the past two days waging chemical warfare against, well, nothing. Every line, deck, hatch, and overhang is treated. Heck, I sprayed the dock to. Juuust to be sure. The only way the thing has a chance is to fly on. If it makes it past my chemical defenses it gets to go a round with the Heart Nazi. He's rather go a round with it then with me anyway. :)

Note - Yes, boat people, I know. It's a salon. Boats have salons. Well this is my boat so I can call it my living room on my very own blog. I promise the next time a bug zooms around it I'll cower in my stateroom, not my bedroom. :)

Aw!!!

Aww!!! Look what I got! Chuck's original daddy sent me an amazing goodie on facebook. Baby Chuck! I got a picture of Baby Chuck! He's precious!!! That's him and his sister Jezebelle. The Chuck Chuck kitty kitty is the one on top. Look at those itty white boots! Those too big ears! This just makes me happy. -Bring on the big silly grin and happy dance!-

He's like a little Yoda sitting there! "Precious, he is. But...there is another." Can I just add that Baby Jezebelle isn't too bad herself? It's cutsie overload! A twofer! Well that's it for today. Enjoy! It sure made my morning!

A Disaster!!!

My Heart Nazi's attitude meter is set on grumpy. It's been a long week and we're tired. We're not mad at each other or anything, just restless and grumpified. Fall fever has led to a case of the sulks. Super Gillian to the rescue! Rather than deal with stoic, sullen Corey I head out to find a "happy." See, Corey's got himself a man grill and Publix has a meat sale. The two were meant for each other don't you think? Well I did. I came home with two of the biggest tbones I could find. I had visions for Corey happily making man noises over his fire and enjoying a nice dinner.

To bad I had to ruin it. See this bottle? It's death with a cute little cap. Hottest. Stuff. Ever. Those beautiful steaks were ruined I tell you, RUINED! It was like eating beautifully cooked, medium rare, fire. Misery on a plate. Look at the name though! It's PERFECT! As in Hip-hip ARRGGHHH! Hip-hip ARRGGHH! Pirates are funny.As I don't eat mammals poor Corey was left to sweat it out on his own. I had a grilled cheese on wheat.

Okay guys I've committed some kind of chick sin right? Is this some kind of epic level of girl dumb? I destroyed a cow's butt. What's the penance for that? Buy more cow butt? Ideas? Anybody? By the way, if I didn't feel so bad this would be rife with fun one liners! The Pirate's booty made bad bootie! Yeeeah. Anyway. I feel too guilty. Have at it, my expense. I deserve it!

I'm melting!

So I had a bad day. I love, love, love my job but yesterday was TOUGH. One frozen iPhone and a mountain of problems didn't deter my computer from having an attitude. Great. After crawling under my desk to fix it I seriously considered just staying down there. It'd be like the Wizard of Oz. Sorry, there's nothing left but the desk and my beloved Michael Kors wedges sticking out. I'm hiding. Sassy footwear aside, I took my pounding head home hoping a rocking boat in a beautiful marina would soothe away the rough edges. It did, just like it always does.

Chuck came in and settled himself right beside me on the sofa. I'm busy regaling Corey with my day's misadventures when I produce this little nugget of Gillian wisdom. "I love Chuck. He knows just when he's needed. Look at his cute stripes. Like a zen garden. I'm petting a fuzzy, soothing, zen garden."

My zen garden chooses this exact moment to audibly fart. ON me. Amidst the green stink cloud and my high pitched protests my husband happily sat, laughing his fool head off. Yeah, yeah. I know. It's funny huh? Go ahead and laugh why don't ya. I'm cutting my losses, getting into some jammies, and heading to bed. Here's hoping tomorrow is stress and stink free!

Coronary Bypass Surgery on Wikipedia

Most. Awful. Thing. Ever. I'm warning you, don't look. I've been hearing some murmurs and talking to people just to scamper home and do my own Google searches. Here's an interesting heart nugget. Stents aren't built to last. They're like boob jobs. Occasionally you need a redo. Crap.

Now don't panic. This isn't ALWAYS the case. Lots of people will keep their stents for their entire lives. Lots won't though. You may tick along just fine or you may need a "tune up." There are lots of reasons why. They may clog back up or they may get old as your heart gets older. They just plan may not work for some people. It's a stinker but it's the truth.

So what's the tune up? How do you fix a broken stent? Can you remove a stent? Yes, it's fixable. No, you can't remove a stent. At least not how you think. For someone my age, steps will very likely be needed. As I get older, so will my stent. Eventually I'm going to need some help. That help comes with the name Coronary Bypass Surgery. Scary huh?

It can be. It's open heart surgery. A vein is taken from somewhere else in your body and sewn into your heart. The new piece acts like a graft and the blood moves through it instead of the sick part. It's like taking a detour around road construction. The stent is now useless. The blood goes around now, not through. Wiki has some great info on the procedure. Go here.
The info is clear, concise, and scary as heck. It's wince inducing. Please sweet baby Jesus don't picture my face, or yours, or anyone you know when you read it. If you do you're a darn crazy fool and you'll get all worked up. Chill. It's just a wiki link. It IS the worst wiki link I've ever seen but I warned you. Go forth and Google if you must. Let's start with the stuff that makes me squeegy. It's likely they'll go through my sternum. Yikes. There's a chance my heart may be stopped for the surgery. Double yikes. The list of complications is long and extremely squeegy feeling. There's also a dizzying array of methods so you never really know what to look forward to. Apparently it's surgeon's choice. You know, like lunch. Huh. Now the good news shall we?

I'm not going to need this for quite a while. If a chick can keep the same fake boobs for over a decade I'm thinking my tiny metal spot should last at least 15 years. At. Least. Complications and fear aside, I'll likely be feeling pretty sick by then. Bypass surgery is a major pick me up. A new lease on life. Again! That would make me double blessed. My heart would be twice held and twice saved so that would be wonderful in my book. Something else to make you feel good? Bypasses are done all the time. Every darn day in fact. I may have to lay on another table eventually but the odds of me walking out are very high.

See? Nothing to be scared of. It may not be fun, it may not be glamorous, but it's just part of it. The price you pay for playing I guess. Scared? Yes. Optimistic? You betcha.

Side note - Was the wiki picture reeealy necessary?!? Who's bright idea was THAT? Where's the nice, impersonal diagram?!? Jeez. Gross Wiki, gross. Thanks a stinkin' lot. Ugh!

I go to Publix WAY to much.

Every once in a while the clouds part, the sun peeks through, and you get a goodie for no apparent reason. It may not be a big goodie but it still makes you smile and brightens your day. Lookit what I got! It's fab-u-lous!

I pop into Publix several times a week. When I was riddled with bruises and needle marks (and hard to look at even to me) the deli guy took his lunch break to walk me around the entire store. He pointed out the heart healthy items, explained the low sodium benefits, and even helped me check out. All of this and he never once made me feel bad. There I am doing my best impression of Skeletor and he's extolling the benefits of a high protein diet and pushing my cart around. This guy's momma raised him right! When I felt better I made a beeline to the manager's desk to sing his praises. I made his day but he made a bad situation just a little better. He deserved a big thank you. People don't get recognised enough these days you know?

The bakery lady sneaks me a cookie when I buy my whole wheat bread and urges me to "have fun with the little things" in life. All of the check out people know me and I ask about their families. These people are NICE! Case in point...

"Hey! There's that nice lady with the freckles!" Yes, I'm an idiot but I actually looked behind me. I'm motioned over and presented with THIS! Yum! They gave me a cake! Someone's flavor mix up along with a closing bakery led to my chocolaty windfall! Ah, frosted chocolate baked goods. It's been too long my friend.I love Publix. I really, really do. The best roses are frosted ones after all! This is my breakfast today y'all! Don't judge. You know you want a piece!

Here's your assignment for the day. Give a "cake" to someone. Go be nice. Know anyone that really needs lunch or a small iTunes gift card? Find a manager and praise someone. Send a handwritten card. You may make someone's day but you'll be the one smiling!

Gillianese gets drunk.

Everyone that knows me (or reads this blog) knows that I tend to improvise when it comes to the English language. I can tinker with words the way William Shatner tinkers with their delivery. Can't figure how to describe something? No biggie, just make something up that sounds nifty. As there was a truly epic football party in the marina this weekend I thought I'd share some drunk Gillianese that has caught on. Keep in mind that I was the only sober one there and this just makes it even more silly.

Term 1 - Drunkneck - An inebriated individual usually saying "Hey y'all watch this!" They also have the uncontrollable urge to "do something" that usually ends up with a trip to the ER. Their better halves, while irritated, are gratified in their knowledge that the drunkneck will NEVER live this down. Stitches come and go but drunkneckitude lasts forever.

Term 2 - Drunkasaurus - Ever seen someone so torn down every little thing is difficult? Ever seen a drunk and grumpy routine? They may try and try but succeed they don't. Congrats. You've got yourself a dinosaur sighting. The Drunkasaurus is LOOSE! Quick somebody pen him in! Why do I call it that? Go here to see my inspiration. Cute huh? Oh come on, you know it's precious! Tell me you don't know someone like this after a few too many!

This weekend led to a drunkneck sighting on the beach (poor guy hobbled around for quite a while) and a whole boatload of Drunkasauruses. Every man within a 3 boat range, my poor husband included, was a dinosaur last night. Little arms waving everywhere! Ah, football season. It's great isn't it?