An evil that must be named.

I would like to introduce you to something so awful, so heinous, so wrong that it must be named. Behold, the slug of shame. The slug of SHAME! Yeah, see the head turn? The slug knows what he's done. Bad kitty!!! What did the slug do to be banished to the back deck? Evil, nasty, terrible things. Chuck... is-a-murderer. A serial killer no less.

Exhibit #1 - A rainy Sunday. Corey spots Chuck's face pressed to our door. He's holding a rat and wants in! Corey thinks this is funny. He calls me over to see. Chuck inches closer and starts crying around the nasty cargo in his mouth. I flip out. Chuck gets startled. Drops rat. It RUNS OFF! Corey thinks this is not funny. Chuck = slug of shame. Corey = all afternoon pulling up hatches (in the rain) looking for a half mangled critter loose on a boat. Huh? Huh? What's funny NOW Corey?

Exhibit #2 - Chuck is a thief. Some random guy was throwing a cast net. Catches fish. Becomes a happy fisherman. Chuck darts it, steals biggest fish, then runs away. He drags it all the way through the marina so it's nice and mangled. I hear a big thump and get creeped out. I investigate. While barefoot, I step on large mangled fish. It gets pitched overboard and I get a shower. Later, I am confronted by the fisherman. He is angry and calls Chuck a thief. I have no idea how to compensate for a fish (that I stepped on) so all I can do is suffer through an extremely awkward moment until he shuffles off. I'm pissed. At Chuck.

Exhibit #3 - I come home from work and discover a tiny, dead barn swallow. Chuck is extremely proud of himself. Barn swallows are some of my favorite birds and I've happily watched nests of them all summer. There's sadness, snot, and tears. You go too far Chuck! Corey comes home to remove the bird and deal with the sadness, snot, and tears. Now Corey is not happy. Chuck morphs into slug of shame.

Now Chuck is sick with a severe sinus infection. Revenge! Poor Corey and I get to cram 4 pills a day, twice daily, down his pissed off face. This is LOVE Chuck! You know, like the gifts. Don't pets make life fun?

It's amazing what sleep will do to you.

Too much work and stuff to do, never enough sleep. By the time Friday rolls around I'm exhausted, jittery with caffeine overload, and daunted with the mountain of stuff I've let slide during the work week. The kicker is that I LOVE my job and have a hard time leaving. I love the boats, the boat stuff, the people, and the challenge. Why would anyone complain about that?!? This is definitely one of the coolest jobs ever in the history of cool jobs. So why am I so tired?

Yeah, I don't get it either. Fatigue is the biggest stinker of heart disease in my book. I keep waking up thinking today is the day I won't be so tired and every morning I'm proven wrong. Patience is NOT a virtue I can claim. Stubborn is though, so I keep plugging on waiting for the un-tired day. It's GOING to happen!

This Friday was double rough so I came home and just quit. I took Stripey Chuck and hit the the bed by 6:30. Most. Epic. Sleep. Ever. I didn't wake up till 9am! I shuffled out and encountered a bag of jelly beans on the counter. Now a heart buddy that shall remain unnamed told me that jelly beans were the healthiest candy. I ran out and bought a bag of peach and pear Jelly Belly's then immediately forgot I'd done it. Typical Gillian behavior I assure you. While I searched for a Diet Coke I randomly decided to eat them. Cracked. Out. There should be a law against people that don't eat sugar eating large amounts of it first thing in the morning.

Hey! You know what would be cool? I want a haircut! My facebook friends said it was okay! My snap decision led to an appointment 30 minutes later. Woot! 10:30 am and in the chair! It's adorable if I do say so myself. :)

Since this decision worked out so well I called the local consignment store. I'd dropped off a ton of stuff but had been too tired to drop by and check my balance. It was huge! FREE SHOPPING!!! I could almost hear my mind spiral into crazy when I arrived and walked into a 75% off sale. I don't know what to tell you here. A pink pea coat was involved and a Tiffany necklace was spotted. I left with both and a very warm fuzzy feeling for shopping on imaginary money. Huh. Drop off high heels and big jeans... get Tiffany necklace. Fab-u-lous!!!

Crazy Gillian took over at this point and decided that life would be a terrible waste if pepper chicken and lo mien was not acquired. After my first Chinese food foray in many months I stopped by Daylight Doughnuts and Little Ceasars to buy Corey some goodies to. You know, because THAT made a lot of sense. One nap later I was still cracked out. I pestered Corey by following him around and chattering about random things like jelly beans and birds. Being the amazingly resilient guy that he is he tolerated my crazy behavior until it became obvious that I wasn't going to quit. He told me to go inside and play on the computer until I calmed down.

Pouting, I ate the crazy bread. ALL of the crazy bread. Corey busted me just in time to tell me I was stoned on sugar and I was going to hurk if I didn't quit. Spurned on by huge amounts of sleep and sugar I didn't listen and ate a doughnut just to spite him.

Bet you can figure out what happened. Corey was right and hurking was involved. Dang it. I spent Saturday night rolling around feeling like I swallowed a brick and making pitiful sounds. Corey and Chuck weren't very sympathetic. Those stinkers acted like I DESERVED this or something!

Sunday was spent chewing Pepto tabs and laying around nursing the brick. NO more sugar. That stuff is the devil. Word to the wise heart buddies. Treats are about moderation! Dang it, I should have stopped at the Tiffany necklace but noooo, I didn't do something intelligent like that. Keep to the healthy diet and reap the rewards. I promise your belly will thank you. How do people EAT that stuff?!? Don't they feel sick? I didn't make it 24 hours! Huh, thinking about it, I'm happy with my lesson and my healthy eating habits. I'd never survive in the nasty food jungle.

Beware of the no parent friends!

Corey and I aren't parents and have no idea how to act around little kids. Sure, we know not to use foul language or set bad examples. It's all the little stuff that gets us in trouble! Who knew that potty training was such a big deal and lip gloss was forbidden? Not I! I'll admit it, we have NO IDEA what to do with a kid!

Halloween is right around the corner. I have the cutest niece and nephew in the world so I decide to spoil them a little. A box! Mail them a box! Off I go on a kid stuff hunt. Some books? Sure. Some toys? Just one each? What about a t shirt? Yup, he needs it. Silly Bandz??? Don't ALL kids like those? Now a marshmallow pickled head, tons of candy, candy jewelry, and lollipops the size of my hand. Huge! Look at all this loot! I pitched in some Halloween safety flashlights and blinky necklaces just to prove to my sister I know what I'm about. See? Now it's a SAFETY Halloween box. There's that good example I was talking about.

I cart all my WalMart bags into the UPS Store maniacally excited about shipping this stuff off. After the box was COVERED in packing peanuts and I was $25.00 poorer for the shipping it started. Maybe...this...wasn't smart. Oh good lord, I just shipped a ton of sugar and packing peanuts to my sister!!! Surely she's policing two adorable, overstimulated, holiday time kiddies and WHAT do I do? Ship sticky stuff to her front door. I call her in a slight panic and confess all. PLEASE don't kill me. Or think I'm a bad aunt. I just have no idea how to act. I screwed up so intercept that package and forgive your sister that doesn't know better!!!

Well that phone call was yesterday and do you think I learned anything? Nope! My little 6 year old friend Allie came over with her daddy. While Corey and his bud are outside I snag Allie to hang out. Who else can I convince to watch my new Beauty and the Beast DVD with me?!? I make popcorn then leave a bowl of chocolate out. By the time her dad checked on her we were exploding marshmallows in the microwave. This is NOT setting a good example. It's not entirely my fault though. I was lulled into anarchy by this cute drawing she gave me. Look how she spelled my name wrong!On a paper plate! Cuuute!!! You parents get kid gifts like this all the time so you're numb to their powers. I NEVER get kid drawings so I can't resist. Allie's adorable nature and cute pictures made me lose my head. We dropped Red Hots in our water bottles to watch them turn pink and then I spoiled her dinner with ice cream. Yes, that's on top of the chocolate, popcorn, and marshmallows. We had a blast!

I am the Antichrist of good parenting. My sister is getting a box of mayhem and Allie is practically pinging off the walls with her Disney infused sugar rush. All in the same weekend. I'm hopeless. :(

Update: Late last night I noticed something funny on Corey's hand. He was out cold and the lights were off so I had to look close to make it out. A L L I E. She Sharpie'd my husband. 6 year olds are adorable! I'm thinking Corey gets major points to... just for being the sweet, tolerant, big bear of a guy that would let a little blond girl color on him. I married SUCH a keeper!

Chuck's Day

I'm pretty much convinced that Chuck is some kind of mutant hybrid of a stuffed animal. He has attachment issues, and sleep issues, and food issues. Yup, all three. Behold the photograph evidence...

After sleeping inside all night with me and Corey he follows me to work in the morning crying plaintively if I walk too fast. Kitty. Stalker.


While I'm opening the office and starting my day Chuck is getting in his 5 minutes of kitty cardio. That means destroying my plants and skidding around under the furniture. "I'm going to get you imaginary mouse!!!"



Chuck will then forget he ate breakfast at home and eat a bowl full of his office supply. The food coma sets in and he's down. So fat... can't get... arm down. :(


Eventually he will start feeling better so he'll decide to make it his mission to be wherever I am. Behold his mad balancing skills and multitasking. He's on my post-its and computer mouse all while sleeping on a corner.


This will start to irritate me so I'll gently push him aside. I'm BUSY here! Eventually I'll get offended that my subtle hints aren't working so I just pile random office stuff on him. He doesn't notice.


By mid afternoon he's obnoxious in his attention getting tactics so he's booted outside. Chuck takes this in stride and pouts off road style. Sigh, banished to kitty jail.


If I leave the marina for any reason I will return to this. Half a Chuck. This is his desperate plea for more food, my Snuggie, and someone to pet him.


If the Half A Chuck pose doesn't work he will then start rolling around on the deck and crying pitifully. This is his attempt at a kitty art pose. Instead of being impressed I notice that Chuck has no pants. Why sleeves and no pants? Dude... you're naked!


I'll feed him and play with him until he decides to run off and do whatever cats do at night. If he's not back by sundown I start to worry about my adopted stuffed animal and plead with Corey to go find him. Instead, Chuck will eventually find Corey and chase him down while crying plaintively. Refer to picture 1. Corey will then thrill Chuck by doing one of his favorite things. Cart him around. I have never seen a cat so happy to be carried in any fashion. He likes Corey best for this because Corey does the "kitty fireman carry" maneuver. They're good buds.


Once he's in for the night he'll check out his food situation and conquer my Snuggie. I've tried balling it up but that doesn't work. He'll just sleep in odd positions on top of it. "Silly Gillian. Did you think this Snuggie was for you?" Insert evil kitty chuckle.


I'll give up on the Snuggie and go to bed. Chuck always gets alarmed by this and I have no idea why. You're IN dude! No one is going to kick you out. Chill! Apparently Chuck thinks this is time to show off his stuffed animal genes. He'll cram himself right up against me to go to sleep. If I move he'll just wiggle closer. Corey and I have discovered the hard way that you have to proceed with caution. This is Chuck's cuteness secret weapon! By 3:00 am Chuck has half a bed, I'm stuck smack dab in the middle, and poor Corey is about to fall off. Corey and I have to team up like superheros to stop his bid for total bed domination. Every. Night.


I need to point that Chuck ISN'T MY CAT! He's lived in this marina for 12 years. Chuck has adopted me and Corey and that's the way it stays. He sure does add something extra special to marina life though. Live on a boat in a beautiful marina, have a fun and quirky life, get adopted by the world's coolest cat. Seriously though... isn't he cute?

When life hands you a heart attack, make a blog.

I saw this display in the local toy store window recently. Isn't it great? Life isn't always fair but it's the approach you take that makes it worth it. I'm tired right now and grumpy. Stressed, and just plain worn out. I can't do anything about that right now but you know what I can do? I bought a Snuggie. That's right, an honest to goodness Snuggie. I may not be able to fix the tired at a pace I'd like but I CAN curl up and snuggle in my Snuggie. I get bonus points for cracking up my husband with my Snugginess. "Look! I'm in a Snuggie! Hug me! Hug the Snuggie Corey! Hug it!"

Yeah I know, I'm an idiot. I have a heart attack and started a blog. I feel bad, I buy the world's most cheesy invention. It's a process people. One good thing for one bad. Kind of my grown up version of a kid's sick present. You're reading my coloring book and action figures. If it keeps me happy and occupied it's doing it's job right?

Here's another random funny for you. I know my last post wasn't that fun so here's some behind the scenes info. My doctor handed me those photos while I was being discharged. He's pointing out the serious nature of my heart and it's miraculous recovery thanks to his capable hands. How do I respond?
"Jeez! Is that my spine?!? Yeah? How does that look? Good? Cool." Also...while medicated up to my eyeballs and not quite with it yet...
"My heart looks fat in the After picture. Fat heart. I have a skinny heart? Huh. It'll fit right in then. Someone should have sent it the skinny memo."
My doctor is awesome for putting up with me. To be fair, I've never seen an x-ray of myself, never been in the hospital, and never been "doped" with those crazy things they actually call medication. That means I was overstimulated, interested, and stoned. The whole big picture thing took a while to sink in. The random small stuff? Oh I was aaalll over that. I wish I'd bought the Snuggie then! I could have rehabbed with a Snuggie. Darn it, why didn't I think of that?!?

The Widowmaker. This is what a heart attack looks like.

I got my first sad email last week. A person that had read my blog and corresponded with me before had a second "event." He's alive, and will be starting his second round of cardiac rehab soon. What's sad is that he KNEW he was having problems and didn't go get it checked
out. He didn't go to the hospital. Do you guys know what happened? Do you understand? Permanent, irreversible heart damage. He's never going to get better and he's going to die... much sooner than he should. After a few emails and a virtual hug of goodwill to my heart buddy I made him a promise. Full disclosure. Let's shine a harsh light on heart disease. This is exactly what a heart attack looks like.

The only editing I did to these pictures was to crop out my personal information. That's right guys, this is my very own heart. Let's take a deep, bracing breath and continue shall we? Look at the top image. That is my heart during a massive LAD heart attack. See the faint circle around the LAD that says Before? That's where my heart was failing. That's the blockage. See what's beneath it? You can see all the veins starving. That's my heart being strangled and starting to die. The whole thing looks wilted doesn't it? Now look at the bottom part of the picture. In a short bit of time I'd had a balloon angioplasty and a shot of nitroglycerin directly into my heart. Didn't work. Go big or go home right? This After picture was taken after I got my stent. Just LOOK at the difference guys. See how everything lights up? Notice the thickness of the LAD in the before and after. The difference is amazing! Notice the bloom of blood vessels that you couldn't see before underneath the blockage. That's my heart plumping back up and acting like it should.

These pictures were really hard for me to post so I really want you to look. Ask yourself this... Would you REALLY stay home and try to tough it out if you could see this? Does this look normal to you? Meet the Widowmaker. How do you think the LAD got that name? You don't stay home and tough out a Widowmaker attack. It's Death. The before picture could have been a swift end to my short life. It's a dying heart. What saved my life? I got help. I called for help and my husband saved my life. He made the calls and got me to the hospital. If I had stayed home I never would have woken up. This diagram was made by my cardiologist. There's my blockage. It qualifies as massive because my Widowmaker was little to begin with (I didn't know that.) and the blockage closed to 95%. Again, I cropped out the personal data but left all the grisly stuff for you guys to see.

After a year of tests we think we've narrowed down the cause. There appears to be a small kink in an already narrow Widowmaker. We think it's either a birth defect or a lesion caused by a childhood illness. As I got older plaque built up, I got stressed, and a heart spasm squeezed the plaque covered walls together sealing off the Widowmaker. A heart attack at 30. Go figure. I'll never know for sure because the stent is fixing the damage.

Now look at the poorly drawn little heart on the top left of the diagram. It says 40%. I had a swift response time and had surgery immediately to fix the blockage. After it was done? I had 40% of a working heart. Give me a break here. I'd had a rough day! All the tinkering on top of the attack leads to a stunned heart. I wasn't performing at my best. This is why you get tired and it's the source of heart attack fatigue. With just 40% of a heart working there's no way you're getting enough oxygen. Imagine powering your body with only half a heart. It's miserable guys. It took a year (And a lot of work.) but I'm fine now.

So there you go! This isn't a fun or funny post but I hope it serves it's purpose and fulfills my promise. I endeavored for full disclosure and you got it. I really want you guys to look long and hard at what a heart attack looks like. This is a Widowmaker. This is a blockage in a LAD. This is the leading cause of death. Go ahead and look at it. This is, or was, my heart guys.Look at these pictures and know this. I ignored all the warning signs and I paid a high price for my stupidity. I forced my frantic husband to literally carry me into an ER. I scared my family and made them endure the agony that is the surgical ICU waiting room. As for me, I had a slow, painful recovery, a boatload of expensive medication, and cardiac rehab. All while experiencing the joys of heart attack fatigue and angina.

Would you wait with this for treatment? You don't fight this and you can't wish it away. Please, please hear me and my friend when I tell you this. There is NO minor reason for chest pain. There is NEVER a time when it's okay. Felt a sharp pain and it faded? Call 911. RUN to the doctor. Please go get it checked. Get the blood work done. Know your blood pressure and treat it if you must. My friend wants you to learn from his mistakes and I hope you do. Scroll back up and look again. Would you wait? I really, really hope not. Make me proud guys and take care of yourselves!