A Little Bit of Progress...

I've been feeling so bad lately that I called the doctor's office and moved up my appointment. I wasn't supposed to see my cardiologist until 4 weeks after my heart attack but the progress I'm making is a little to slow. I'm tired, when I stand the room spins, and when I move to quickly everything goes gray. This dizzy, almost fainting feeling isn't going away and really hinders my activity level. My father took me out to lunch and 30 minutes in I was weak and shaky. That small amount of activity was all I could handle for the whole day.

My cardiologist checked my blood pressure readings and,after discussing the risk factors with me, he decided to take me off of two of my medications. One keeps my blood pressure low and the other is designed to keep my heart from spasming. I agreed to be closely monitored for the next few weeks in exchange for the nasty side effects to go away. Fair trade for me!

I'm writing this just a few days after my appointment and I'm really happy to say that all the dizzy, tired feelings are gone! It's amazing how certain medications can affect your attitude and your body. I'm walking further, eating more, and am now REALLY motivated to get in the gym and start rehabing in a few weeks.

A Speed Bump

"How low?!?" the nurse asked me. With those words it was confirmed that the speed bump I had been suspecting I'd hit was a reality. I'm the not so proud owner of a blood pressure cuff and had to report a week's worth of reading to my doctor's office. After rattling off the numbers over the phone I'm told that my blood pressure is way to low. I hate to say it but thank goodness.

I feel awful. I'm exhausted. Every little task requires a pep talk before and a rest after. If I stand I'm dizzy and if I move to fast everything grays out. I understand that this first part of rehab is the hardest but this can't be normal. Everyone says you need a few weeks to rest and give your heart time to heal. The only problem is that they seem a lot perkier then me. At 30 shouldn't I be at the head of the class or something?

The phone call to the doctor's office has confirmed that my blood pressure is way to low and no, I'm not doing anything wrong. This is great news because it can be fixed! The suspected culprit is all of the medication I'm on. I set an alarm and wake up every morning to take 6 different kinds of medication. Some of these I'll have to take for the rest of my life but most are only temporary. Most of the pills are meant to keep my blood from clotting and my blood pressure down. One of these pills is an overachiever. Instead of my heart beating at a normal pace, it's glugging along like I'm asleep. I've earned myself and early trip to the doctor's office to scope out the problem and fix it.

I hate to say it but I'm excited! Not only will the problem get fixed, I get a trip out! This is big stuff right now! I've spent almost a month laying down. I've finished all of my books and beaten all of my games. I'm to tired to tinker with my sewing so my sister is saving my life and mailing me a sampler to embroider for my new niece. If they can fix the problem then I'll have a lot more freedom and the energy to enjoy it. It will also get my poor husband off laundry and grocery shopping duty. Right now I'm doing my level best to not get discouraged and to stay optimistic. This is just a little speed bump and once it's fixed I'll be back on track again.

Sleep

I just can't. I've never been so tired in my life but sleeping through the night just isn't happening. The most I've managed is six hours. I'm turning into the queen of naps. When I get tired or my blood pressure gets high I lay down. More often then not I wake up a few hours later. It seems like every small victory I have is celebrated with a nap. My first drive by myself, visiting with friends for more then 15 minutes, cooking french toast, a longer walk. Naps after every event. It's a grinding fatigue that just won't go away. It means I'm healing so I try to be patient. The only problem is waking up tired. Where is the good overnight sleep?

This morning I found myself up at 4am and restless. I left my husband sleeping and snuck off the boat for my walk. I was armed with my phone, my nitro pills, and a book. I walked around the marina in a sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. I've lived in my marina for two years now and I've never seen a sunrise here. It's gorgeous. The bay is dead calm so the water hitting the beach has a noise like something breathing. I started walking under the brightest stars I've seen on land and I finished with the horizon starting to glow. It's seeing things like this that make sleepless nights almost worth it. Almost.

A Screaming Body

I have to say that when I researched this blog post I felt like a total idiot. I want this to be scary. Here's why. If 100 people read this, 20 of you may scratch your heads and get scared enough to go to the doctor. There WILL be something wrong with 5 of you. That's a very conservative estimate. Wow. Five people. If I had read this last month, would I have gone? Maybe. Could what happened to me have been avoided? Maybe. I'll never know because I never read this and I was arrogant enough to ignore what my body was telling me.

My body has been screaming at me for some time now. It may as well have been laying on the floor having a full out temper tantrum. I'm ashamed to admit this now. My irresponsibility and stubborn attitude walked me right into a heart attack. I was arrogant enough in believing that nothing could be wrong with a 30 year old that took care of herself. My body, on the other hand, was pounding it's fists and yelling louder.

In the months leading up to the day I had a heart attack I had been feeling... bad. I can't find a good word so that one will have to do. I was tired. The kind of tired that doesn't go away. I complained about it, but I thought it may be normal. I was feeling shooting pains in my chest and arms. The were sharp and painful but they went away quickly. I brushed them off as pains from working out. Sometimes my fingertips would tingle. Numbness? Not really? Oh well, it's gone now. I posted on my facebook page complaining of heartburn just days before my attack. I've never had heartburn and my husband told me it didn't sound like it anyway. I love to jog, but for some reason I was running harder and running less. I was struggling to complete the same 2 miles that was easy earlier. I blamed it on fatigue. Does that make ANY sense?!? I was blaming one strange thing on something else that was equally strange. As I read this list I can only shake my head. Dammit, I should have gone to the doctor.

This is for you ladies... Heart attacks feel different. Forget everything you have ever learned about them and listen to your body. Thousands of women have described their heart attacks and their symptoms vary greatly. Here and just a few of the things they said. Good grief, I hope someone reads this!

Chest pain
Shooting pain
Chest pressure
Chest tightness
Back pain
Jaw pain
Heartburn

Hmmm...

Numbness
Tingling
Dizziness
Fatigue

Really?!?

Nausea
Shortness of breath
Fainting
Run down feeling
Cold sweats

Are you kidding me here?!? There's more. Lots more. Here's a sobering thing. What do us women do? We blow it off. We'll take our children and nag our husbands into going to the doctor but we won't go ourselves. I happen to think this is because us women are tough. We carry the babies and suffer through monthly uncomfortable cycles in silence. We brush off symptoms because everything else is more important. Seriously. Is a woman tough enough to push out a baby supposed to worry about one tiny tingling finger? Yes. Please, yes.

So here goes. I'll ask you this. When I woke up and saw that my sister had flown all the way down to be by my side I was upset. I was happy to see her but she has two children. I love them more then anything and I didn't want my 3 year old nephew to see me like that. What example are we women setting for our children? If you can't be bothered to get yourself to the doctor why should your daughter? Or her daughter? Listen to what your body is telling you. Are you concerned about that mole? Concerned about that cough? Tired? See where I'm going with this? GO TO THE DOCTOR! Make someone hear you. You know your body and if by reading this you're thinking of something wrong then I'm talking to you. I know, I know. It's expensive. Trust me on this. Hospital bills cost more.

I'm not saying one of you out there will have heart disease. I'm saying one of you may. Or HPV. Or skin cancer. All of this is treatable! Catch it early and stop it. If not for you then spare your family the hospital trip and your friends from having to bring you books and lip balm. Okay that's it! I'm going to climb down off my soapbox now and put it away. I love you all and my prayers are with you. Next time you see me if you want to whack me on the back of the head for not being smart enough for going to the doctor, trust me, I'll understand.

The Greatest Hits

I get alot of questions. I HAVE alot of questions so I can understand people's curiosity. It's normal and no, I'm not offended. Ask away. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I may help save someone's life. If you answer enough, someone who needs to hear it will. These are the questions I'm asked the most. The greatest hits and the most requested.

1. What does a heart attack feel like?
It's different for everyone. Men have textbook symptoms that we've all heard about. Us women have it a little rougher. In my case my symptoms were sudden and extreme. I had severe chest pain that felt like I swallowed a whole potato chip. I had the most extreme cold sweat I've ever experienced and I threw up. I couldn't catch my breath and was breathing shallowly. I "fainted" and when I came to I was confused and lethargic. I couldn't stand. There was no doubt there was something wrong but if you had asked if I thought I was having a heart attack I would have said no. I'm going to follow this post with another on this subject so keep your eyes peeled!

2. Heart jewelry and will I have to wear an ID tag.
I wish I knew folks. I want to say no. I don't think I'm going to need to wear a medical alert tag. If I'm told I need one I'll wear it without complaint but what I have is endured by thousands of healthy people that don't wear tags. I do have to carry cards on my person now that identify that I have a stent and an implant in my leg and their locations. I may eventually shop for a "nitro necklace." I have to carry nitro with me at all times and I keep it tied on a little string around my neck. No one notices it that way. I haven't bought a special necklace to carry the pills in because frankly, I hope I won't have to carry them much longer. If I'm told they're needed then I'll upgrade to a better fashion statement at that time. I'm not a big fan of the string.
As for the term "heart jewelry" well that's my little joke. I'm not being offensive or disrespectful. As far as I'm concerned my tiny stent saved my life so it may as well be solid gold. It's also as permanent as that tattoo you wish you hadn't gotten. It's mine, and now a part of my body, so I'm trying to make friends with it. The implant in my leg gets no such noble nickname. Mainly because it hurt like a mother and temporarily jacked up my bikini line. I didn't appreciate either so I tend to regard it like the mean kid in school. I won't pick on it if it won't pick on me. Truce.

3. Will I recover and how long will it take.
I have a doctor's appointment soon and this question is high on my list! How long?!? I start serious rehab in September and I have no idea how long it lasts. If I had to guess I'd say a few months. I expect to FULLY recover! I'm kind of shocked at the number of people that want to know the deal here but us humans are morbid. If I was in the other boat I would want to know what that poor sucker did wrong to. If you know you can avoid it right? So here goes. Yes, my chances of having another heart attack have greatly increased. Does this mean I'll have one? No. I have every intention of doing what I'm supposed to. I know I got my stent a little, okay alot, early but that doesn't mean it can't rattle around in there for decades. I have no intention of dying young and no one that's treating me expects anything less then a full recovery. What happened to me is unfortunately common enough to be common. It's treatable. Sometime in the future I will be a heart attack survivor that is perfectly healthy.

4. How did you have a heart attack at 30?!?
No one would love this answer more then me! We simply don't know. It's very rare but a healthy young adult CAN die of a heart attack. I was a smoker and nicotine was a major contributor. It was the bullet but we don't know what was the gun. Did I have a heart condition that was undiagnosed? Maybe. I have almost no family history of heart disease though. I could very well have had something wrong. Once I started smoking my heart had enough and the end result was obvious. Other then smoking I took very good care of myself so the doctors are leaning towards this explanation. I may never know. Whatever was wrong was fixed when they put in the stent. On a good note, if you're going to have a heart attack, 30 is a good age. Being young and in extremely good shape helped save my life. I was strong enough to hang in there until my husband could ride to the rescue and save my life. I also have youth on my side when it comes to recovery. So far I have healed quickly and completely. All little children bounce and I'm hoping some of that resilience will rub off on me! I'm the little kid of the cardiac care ward and I fully expect to get brushed off and set loose.

So that's it! I hope I was helpful. If you have a question just ask. It's easier for both of us then the round about route and I'd love to help. Thanks for all the support and emails guys!