Awkward moments.

Do you ever wish you could have a conversation with your brain and warn it that an awkward moment was about to happen? "Excuse me brain but your body is about to commit an epic fail if you don't wake the hell up!" You know, something like that. I had an awkward moment at work this week. While it's not that interesting, for some random, meaningless reason it triggered a childhood memory. Go figure.

When I was mini Gillian my mother took me to New Orleans for some quality "girl time." A chocolate, ice cream, toy covered afternoon of awesomeness (I didn't forget THAT part!) was had in the French Quarter. Mom was amazing. The woman cornered the market for decadent, memory making, fun.

For some odd reason that involved finding lunch, Mom found herself carting mini Gillian down Bourbon Street in the middle of the afternoon. I have no idea how we got there but I remember seeing two legs poking out the side of a building.

O_O

I had spotted a strip club. Does mini Gillian know what that is? Nope, didn't. Mini Gillian unleashed a rapid fire list of questions about those legs. Mom dodged, I countered and pressed. And that how I got the "sex talk" standing directly under the mechanical, swinging legs of Big Daddy's on Bourbon Street. Epic. Fail.

Could I have just avoided that torture altogether? Sure could! Did I just shut my mouth and kept on trucking down the street after my mother? Sure didn't. I just haaad to ask questions didn't I? I walked right into that one didn't I? Okay Brain, where were you THEN huh?!?

An evil that must be named.

I would like to introduce you to something so awful, so heinous, so wrong that it must be named. Behold, the slug of shame. The slug of SHAME! Yeah, see the head turn? The slug knows what he's done. Bad kitty!!! What did the slug do to be banished to the back deck? Evil, nasty, terrible things. Chuck... is-a-murderer. A serial killer no less.

Exhibit #1 - A rainy Sunday. Corey spots Chuck's face pressed to our door. He's holding a rat and wants in! Corey thinks this is funny. He calls me over to see. Chuck inches closer and starts crying around the nasty cargo in his mouth. I flip out. Chuck gets startled. Drops rat. It RUNS OFF! Corey thinks this is not funny. Chuck = slug of shame. Corey = all afternoon pulling up hatches (in the rain) looking for a half mangled critter loose on a boat. Huh? Huh? What's funny NOW Corey?

Exhibit #2 - Chuck is a thief. Some random guy was throwing a cast net. Catches fish. Becomes a happy fisherman. Chuck darts it, steals biggest fish, then runs away. He drags it all the way through the marina so it's nice and mangled. I hear a big thump and get creeped out. I investigate. While barefoot, I step on large mangled fish. It gets pitched overboard and I get a shower. Later, I am confronted by the fisherman. He is angry and calls Chuck a thief. I have no idea how to compensate for a fish (that I stepped on) so all I can do is suffer through an extremely awkward moment until he shuffles off. I'm pissed. At Chuck.

Exhibit #3 - I come home from work and discover a tiny, dead barn swallow. Chuck is extremely proud of himself. Barn swallows are some of my favorite birds and I've happily watched nests of them all summer. There's sadness, snot, and tears. You go too far Chuck! Corey comes home to remove the bird and deal with the sadness, snot, and tears. Now Corey is not happy. Chuck morphs into slug of shame.

Now Chuck is sick with a severe sinus infection. Revenge! Poor Corey and I get to cram 4 pills a day, twice daily, down his pissed off face. This is LOVE Chuck! You know, like the gifts. Don't pets make life fun?

It's amazing what sleep will do to you.

Too much work and stuff to do, never enough sleep. By the time Friday rolls around I'm exhausted, jittery with caffeine overload, and daunted with the mountain of stuff I've let slide during the work week. The kicker is that I LOVE my job and have a hard time leaving. I love the boats, the boat stuff, the people, and the challenge. Why would anyone complain about that?!? This is definitely one of the coolest jobs ever in the history of cool jobs. So why am I so tired?

Yeah, I don't get it either. Fatigue is the biggest stinker of heart disease in my book. I keep waking up thinking today is the day I won't be so tired and every morning I'm proven wrong. Patience is NOT a virtue I can claim. Stubborn is though, so I keep plugging on waiting for the un-tired day. It's GOING to happen!

This Friday was double rough so I came home and just quit. I took Stripey Chuck and hit the the bed by 6:30. Most. Epic. Sleep. Ever. I didn't wake up till 9am! I shuffled out and encountered a bag of jelly beans on the counter. Now a heart buddy that shall remain unnamed told me that jelly beans were the healthiest candy. I ran out and bought a bag of peach and pear Jelly Belly's then immediately forgot I'd done it. Typical Gillian behavior I assure you. While I searched for a Diet Coke I randomly decided to eat them. Cracked. Out. There should be a law against people that don't eat sugar eating large amounts of it first thing in the morning.

Hey! You know what would be cool? I want a haircut! My facebook friends said it was okay! My snap decision led to an appointment 30 minutes later. Woot! 10:30 am and in the chair! It's adorable if I do say so myself. :)

Since this decision worked out so well I called the local consignment store. I'd dropped off a ton of stuff but had been too tired to drop by and check my balance. It was huge! FREE SHOPPING!!! I could almost hear my mind spiral into crazy when I arrived and walked into a 75% off sale. I don't know what to tell you here. A pink pea coat was involved and a Tiffany necklace was spotted. I left with both and a very warm fuzzy feeling for shopping on imaginary money. Huh. Drop off high heels and big jeans... get Tiffany necklace. Fab-u-lous!!!

Crazy Gillian took over at this point and decided that life would be a terrible waste if pepper chicken and lo mien was not acquired. After my first Chinese food foray in many months I stopped by Daylight Doughnuts and Little Ceasars to buy Corey some goodies to. You know, because THAT made a lot of sense. One nap later I was still cracked out. I pestered Corey by following him around and chattering about random things like jelly beans and birds. Being the amazingly resilient guy that he is he tolerated my crazy behavior until it became obvious that I wasn't going to quit. He told me to go inside and play on the computer until I calmed down.

Pouting, I ate the crazy bread. ALL of the crazy bread. Corey busted me just in time to tell me I was stoned on sugar and I was going to hurk if I didn't quit. Spurned on by huge amounts of sleep and sugar I didn't listen and ate a doughnut just to spite him.

Bet you can figure out what happened. Corey was right and hurking was involved. Dang it. I spent Saturday night rolling around feeling like I swallowed a brick and making pitiful sounds. Corey and Chuck weren't very sympathetic. Those stinkers acted like I DESERVED this or something!

Sunday was spent chewing Pepto tabs and laying around nursing the brick. NO more sugar. That stuff is the devil. Word to the wise heart buddies. Treats are about moderation! Dang it, I should have stopped at the Tiffany necklace but noooo, I didn't do something intelligent like that. Keep to the healthy diet and reap the rewards. I promise your belly will thank you. How do people EAT that stuff?!? Don't they feel sick? I didn't make it 24 hours! Huh, thinking about it, I'm happy with my lesson and my healthy eating habits. I'd never survive in the nasty food jungle.

Beware of the no parent friends!

Corey and I aren't parents and have no idea how to act around little kids. Sure, we know not to use foul language or set bad examples. It's all the little stuff that gets us in trouble! Who knew that potty training was such a big deal and lip gloss was forbidden? Not I! I'll admit it, we have NO IDEA what to do with a kid!

Halloween is right around the corner. I have the cutest niece and nephew in the world so I decide to spoil them a little. A box! Mail them a box! Off I go on a kid stuff hunt. Some books? Sure. Some toys? Just one each? What about a t shirt? Yup, he needs it. Silly Bandz??? Don't ALL kids like those? Now a marshmallow pickled head, tons of candy, candy jewelry, and lollipops the size of my hand. Huge! Look at all this loot! I pitched in some Halloween safety flashlights and blinky necklaces just to prove to my sister I know what I'm about. See? Now it's a SAFETY Halloween box. There's that good example I was talking about.

I cart all my WalMart bags into the UPS Store maniacally excited about shipping this stuff off. After the box was COVERED in packing peanuts and I was $25.00 poorer for the shipping it started. Maybe...this...wasn't smart. Oh good lord, I just shipped a ton of sugar and packing peanuts to my sister!!! Surely she's policing two adorable, overstimulated, holiday time kiddies and WHAT do I do? Ship sticky stuff to her front door. I call her in a slight panic and confess all. PLEASE don't kill me. Or think I'm a bad aunt. I just have no idea how to act. I screwed up so intercept that package and forgive your sister that doesn't know better!!!

Well that phone call was yesterday and do you think I learned anything? Nope! My little 6 year old friend Allie came over with her daddy. While Corey and his bud are outside I snag Allie to hang out. Who else can I convince to watch my new Beauty and the Beast DVD with me?!? I make popcorn then leave a bowl of chocolate out. By the time her dad checked on her we were exploding marshmallows in the microwave. This is NOT setting a good example. It's not entirely my fault though. I was lulled into anarchy by this cute drawing she gave me. Look how she spelled my name wrong!On a paper plate! Cuuute!!! You parents get kid gifts like this all the time so you're numb to their powers. I NEVER get kid drawings so I can't resist. Allie's adorable nature and cute pictures made me lose my head. We dropped Red Hots in our water bottles to watch them turn pink and then I spoiled her dinner with ice cream. Yes, that's on top of the chocolate, popcorn, and marshmallows. We had a blast!

I am the Antichrist of good parenting. My sister is getting a box of mayhem and Allie is practically pinging off the walls with her Disney infused sugar rush. All in the same weekend. I'm hopeless. :(

Update: Late last night I noticed something funny on Corey's hand. He was out cold and the lights were off so I had to look close to make it out. A L L I E. She Sharpie'd my husband. 6 year olds are adorable! I'm thinking Corey gets major points to... just for being the sweet, tolerant, big bear of a guy that would let a little blond girl color on him. I married SUCH a keeper!

Chuck's Day

I'm pretty much convinced that Chuck is some kind of mutant hybrid of a stuffed animal. He has attachment issues, and sleep issues, and food issues. Yup, all three. Behold the photograph evidence...

After sleeping inside all night with me and Corey he follows me to work in the morning crying plaintively if I walk too fast. Kitty. Stalker.


While I'm opening the office and starting my day Chuck is getting in his 5 minutes of kitty cardio. That means destroying my plants and skidding around under the furniture. "I'm going to get you imaginary mouse!!!"



Chuck will then forget he ate breakfast at home and eat a bowl full of his office supply. The food coma sets in and he's down. So fat... can't get... arm down. :(


Eventually he will start feeling better so he'll decide to make it his mission to be wherever I am. Behold his mad balancing skills and multitasking. He's on my post-its and computer mouse all while sleeping on a corner.


This will start to irritate me so I'll gently push him aside. I'm BUSY here! Eventually I'll get offended that my subtle hints aren't working so I just pile random office stuff on him. He doesn't notice.


By mid afternoon he's obnoxious in his attention getting tactics so he's booted outside. Chuck takes this in stride and pouts off road style. Sigh, banished to kitty jail.


If I leave the marina for any reason I will return to this. Half a Chuck. This is his desperate plea for more food, my Snuggie, and someone to pet him.


If the Half A Chuck pose doesn't work he will then start rolling around on the deck and crying pitifully. This is his attempt at a kitty art pose. Instead of being impressed I notice that Chuck has no pants. Why sleeves and no pants? Dude... you're naked!


I'll feed him and play with him until he decides to run off and do whatever cats do at night. If he's not back by sundown I start to worry about my adopted stuffed animal and plead with Corey to go find him. Instead, Chuck will eventually find Corey and chase him down while crying plaintively. Refer to picture 1. Corey will then thrill Chuck by doing one of his favorite things. Cart him around. I have never seen a cat so happy to be carried in any fashion. He likes Corey best for this because Corey does the "kitty fireman carry" maneuver. They're good buds.


Once he's in for the night he'll check out his food situation and conquer my Snuggie. I've tried balling it up but that doesn't work. He'll just sleep in odd positions on top of it. "Silly Gillian. Did you think this Snuggie was for you?" Insert evil kitty chuckle.


I'll give up on the Snuggie and go to bed. Chuck always gets alarmed by this and I have no idea why. You're IN dude! No one is going to kick you out. Chill! Apparently Chuck thinks this is time to show off his stuffed animal genes. He'll cram himself right up against me to go to sleep. If I move he'll just wiggle closer. Corey and I have discovered the hard way that you have to proceed with caution. This is Chuck's cuteness secret weapon! By 3:00 am Chuck has half a bed, I'm stuck smack dab in the middle, and poor Corey is about to fall off. Corey and I have to team up like superheros to stop his bid for total bed domination. Every. Night.


I need to point that Chuck ISN'T MY CAT! He's lived in this marina for 12 years. Chuck has adopted me and Corey and that's the way it stays. He sure does add something extra special to marina life though. Live on a boat in a beautiful marina, have a fun and quirky life, get adopted by the world's coolest cat. Seriously though... isn't he cute?

When life hands you a heart attack, make a blog.

I saw this display in the local toy store window recently. Isn't it great? Life isn't always fair but it's the approach you take that makes it worth it. I'm tired right now and grumpy. Stressed, and just plain worn out. I can't do anything about that right now but you know what I can do? I bought a Snuggie. That's right, an honest to goodness Snuggie. I may not be able to fix the tired at a pace I'd like but I CAN curl up and snuggle in my Snuggie. I get bonus points for cracking up my husband with my Snugginess. "Look! I'm in a Snuggie! Hug me! Hug the Snuggie Corey! Hug it!"

Yeah I know, I'm an idiot. I have a heart attack and started a blog. I feel bad, I buy the world's most cheesy invention. It's a process people. One good thing for one bad. Kind of my grown up version of a kid's sick present. You're reading my coloring book and action figures. If it keeps me happy and occupied it's doing it's job right?

Here's another random funny for you. I know my last post wasn't that fun so here's some behind the scenes info. My doctor handed me those photos while I was being discharged. He's pointing out the serious nature of my heart and it's miraculous recovery thanks to his capable hands. How do I respond?
"Jeez! Is that my spine?!? Yeah? How does that look? Good? Cool." Also...while medicated up to my eyeballs and not quite with it yet...
"My heart looks fat in the After picture. Fat heart. I have a skinny heart? Huh. It'll fit right in then. Someone should have sent it the skinny memo."
My doctor is awesome for putting up with me. To be fair, I've never seen an x-ray of myself, never been in the hospital, and never been "doped" with those crazy things they actually call medication. That means I was overstimulated, interested, and stoned. The whole big picture thing took a while to sink in. The random small stuff? Oh I was aaalll over that. I wish I'd bought the Snuggie then! I could have rehabbed with a Snuggie. Darn it, why didn't I think of that?!?

The Widowmaker. This is what a heart attack looks like.

I got my first sad email last week. A person that had read my blog and corresponded with me before had a second "event." He's alive, and will be starting his second round of cardiac rehab soon. What's sad is that he KNEW he was having problems and didn't go get it checked
out. He didn't go to the hospital. Do you guys know what happened? Do you understand? Permanent, irreversible heart damage. He's never going to get better and he's going to die... much sooner than he should. After a few emails and a virtual hug of goodwill to my heart buddy I made him a promise. Full disclosure. Let's shine a harsh light on heart disease. This is exactly what a heart attack looks like.

The only editing I did to these pictures was to crop out my personal information. That's right guys, this is my very own heart. Let's take a deep, bracing breath and continue shall we? Look at the top image. That is my heart during a massive LAD heart attack. See the faint circle around the LAD that says Before? That's where my heart was failing. That's the blockage. See what's beneath it? You can see all the veins starving. That's my heart being strangled and starting to die. The whole thing looks wilted doesn't it? Now look at the bottom part of the picture. In a short bit of time I'd had a balloon angioplasty and a shot of nitroglycerin directly into my heart. Didn't work. Go big or go home right? This After picture was taken after I got my stent. Just LOOK at the difference guys. See how everything lights up? Notice the thickness of the LAD in the before and after. The difference is amazing! Notice the bloom of blood vessels that you couldn't see before underneath the blockage. That's my heart plumping back up and acting like it should.

These pictures were really hard for me to post so I really want you to look. Ask yourself this... Would you REALLY stay home and try to tough it out if you could see this? Does this look normal to you? Meet the Widowmaker. How do you think the LAD got that name? You don't stay home and tough out a Widowmaker attack. It's Death. The before picture could have been a swift end to my short life. It's a dying heart. What saved my life? I got help. I called for help and my husband saved my life. He made the calls and got me to the hospital. If I had stayed home I never would have woken up. This diagram was made by my cardiologist. There's my blockage. It qualifies as massive because my Widowmaker was little to begin with (I didn't know that.) and the blockage closed to 95%. Again, I cropped out the personal data but left all the grisly stuff for you guys to see.

After a year of tests we think we've narrowed down the cause. There appears to be a small kink in an already narrow Widowmaker. We think it's either a birth defect or a lesion caused by a childhood illness. As I got older plaque built up, I got stressed, and a heart spasm squeezed the plaque covered walls together sealing off the Widowmaker. A heart attack at 30. Go figure. I'll never know for sure because the stent is fixing the damage.

Now look at the poorly drawn little heart on the top left of the diagram. It says 40%. I had a swift response time and had surgery immediately to fix the blockage. After it was done? I had 40% of a working heart. Give me a break here. I'd had a rough day! All the tinkering on top of the attack leads to a stunned heart. I wasn't performing at my best. This is why you get tired and it's the source of heart attack fatigue. With just 40% of a heart working there's no way you're getting enough oxygen. Imagine powering your body with only half a heart. It's miserable guys. It took a year (And a lot of work.) but I'm fine now.

So there you go! This isn't a fun or funny post but I hope it serves it's purpose and fulfills my promise. I endeavored for full disclosure and you got it. I really want you guys to look long and hard at what a heart attack looks like. This is a Widowmaker. This is a blockage in a LAD. This is the leading cause of death. Go ahead and look at it. This is, or was, my heart guys.Look at these pictures and know this. I ignored all the warning signs and I paid a high price for my stupidity. I forced my frantic husband to literally carry me into an ER. I scared my family and made them endure the agony that is the surgical ICU waiting room. As for me, I had a slow, painful recovery, a boatload of expensive medication, and cardiac rehab. All while experiencing the joys of heart attack fatigue and angina.

Would you wait with this for treatment? You don't fight this and you can't wish it away. Please, please hear me and my friend when I tell you this. There is NO minor reason for chest pain. There is NEVER a time when it's okay. Felt a sharp pain and it faded? Call 911. RUN to the doctor. Please go get it checked. Get the blood work done. Know your blood pressure and treat it if you must. My friend wants you to learn from his mistakes and I hope you do. Scroll back up and look again. Would you wait? I really, really hope not. Make me proud guys and take care of yourselves!

So much for karma...

So I'm sitting on my back deck and enjoying some afternoon sunshine. Minding my OWN business I might add. A bug comes up with a stinger butt and I decide to practice my new inner calm and ignore it. Little stresses don't matter, the bug deserves to be there, it's not interested in me, yada yada yada. I serenely watch as it buzzes off and give myself a mental pat on the back.

OWWW! It stung me! That little 'effer snuck up behind me and nailed me right on the back! This is no small thing I tell you. It's an alligator tear inducing, hot poker feeling, sleep tossing ouch. That little punk. Bully. I hope it's one of those bugs that dies after it sticks you. That MIGHT make me feel better about having a sting right on my waistline.

Now here's the thing... If I had flipped out, screeching at the top of my lungs would it have stung me? If I'd scampered away and made Corey go on a bug hunt would I be sporting this fabulous whelp? Either way, a relaxing afternoon it wasn't.

Celebrate Tuesday at Middle Bay Light!

Pictures, pictures. pictures! There's lots for you to look at in today's post! Guys, I had a BLAST last night! The minute I was off work I was booking it across those dock boards. Date night! Corey did his man thing and installed a new water pump. Yay! Why am I so excited about a water pump? When you get a new integral part of your engine replaced you get a sea trial. I got a boat ride with my favorite person in my favorite place. Mobile Bay. Isn't it beautiful? We're off! She ran like a dream guys. With lots of love and care (and parts!) she runs like the well oiled machine she is. She plows through the water powered by two Detroit Diesel engines for work horses. She may growl like a lion but she acts like a lady. Not one complaint! See my ridiculously happy husband? He's proud of his work! He finally got to let her loose! This is him kicking it up a notch and testing her out. Can't you just see the happy vibes he's radiating right now?Okay fine, maybe not. You sure can on me though! I'm thrilled with our girl! Cheese grin! We're going WEST!!! What's west? Just my favorite place in Mobile Bay...
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Middle Bay Light! Isn't it beautiful? It's a tiny lighthouse that used to mark the mid point of the Mobile ship channel. See her flat top? It wasn't always like that. I get a happy shiver just thinking about this... Middle Bay housed an honest to goodness Fresnel lens. Wow. Big, big wow. A Fresnel lens is rare now and they're works of art. I can't believe we used to have one! Check out what Middle Bay used to look like when she had her lens. Gorgeous!It's like a candle on a cake. Perfect. I'm glad she lost her lens before my time. It must have been a heartbreaker to see it go. If you want, you can read some of the beautiful, interesting, funny, and sad history that I'm so addicted to here.We stayed as long as we could then raced the sun home. Of course, just to cap off a perfect boat ride, we spotted dolphins! I tried to catch a shot for you but they're squirrely suckers. I did get a shot of our sunset by accident though so that will just have to do. All in all, Corey had a blast, I had a blast, and the dolphins did to chasing us home. The only grumpy Gus?
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.Someone got left on the dock! Chuck's spot on MY side of the bed, on MY happy color quilt, left with the boat. Just look at the pissed off level of "cattitude" he putting out! He was quick to claim it and didn't budge the rest of the night. Poor old man. :(

Well that's it! This was a monster of a blog post! A blo-ster! Visit the links and I hope you liked my pictures! See you guys next time!

Everybody's got something.

Bug! BUG!!! There's a bug in the boat!!! COREY! Getitgetitgetit! Yeah, yeah. I know. We all have something right? If there's one thing that totally flips me out it's a cockroach. The definition of a phobia is an irrational fear. While I know it's ignorant, I'm so scared of the nasty things that I can't even get close enough to kill them. See? I told you it was irrational.

Bugs are an unfortunate part of marinas in the fall. They all seem to pop up with the weather change. One minute you're having a perfectly good evening and the next you've abandoned ship because a cockroach is FLYING around the living room. Poor Corey. I cower on the dock, refusing to set foot on the boat until he goes in and kills it. The worst part? He really doesn't have a choice. Here's why...

One night Corey and I were snuggled up in bed when I spotted a cockroach creeping around. This presented a rather big problem. There's no way I'm going to sleep with that critter inside. Do I disturb my slumbering husband? Nope. I grabbed a can of Raid and tried to sneak up on it. I sprayed it, it charged me, I panicked and held down the trigger. I literally finished off the can of bugspray. That sucker was snow white and d.e.a.d. Victory! Not really. I gassed out the boat. Corey woke up coughing to find his wild eyed wife clutching a can of Raid and crouched on a counter. Not my finest moment. We both ended up outside coughing and red eyed. Corey briefly braved the fumes to retrieve the dead bug and open the hatches. The poor man doesn't stand a chance.

Because of this little eccentricity of mine we have the unbuggiest boat in the marina. I've spent the past two days waging chemical warfare against, well, nothing. Every line, deck, hatch, and overhang is treated. Heck, I sprayed the dock to. Juuust to be sure. The only way the thing has a chance is to fly on. If it makes it past my chemical defenses it gets to go a round with the Heart Nazi. He's rather go a round with it then with me anyway. :)

Note - Yes, boat people, I know. It's a salon. Boats have salons. Well this is my boat so I can call it my living room on my very own blog. I promise the next time a bug zooms around it I'll cower in my stateroom, not my bedroom. :)

Aw!!!

Aww!!! Look what I got! Chuck's original daddy sent me an amazing goodie on facebook. Baby Chuck! I got a picture of Baby Chuck! He's precious!!! That's him and his sister Jezebelle. The Chuck Chuck kitty kitty is the one on top. Look at those itty white boots! Those too big ears! This just makes me happy. -Bring on the big silly grin and happy dance!-

He's like a little Yoda sitting there! "Precious, he is. But...there is another." Can I just add that Baby Jezebelle isn't too bad herself? It's cutsie overload! A twofer! Well that's it for today. Enjoy! It sure made my morning!

A Disaster!!!

My Heart Nazi's attitude meter is set on grumpy. It's been a long week and we're tired. We're not mad at each other or anything, just restless and grumpified. Fall fever has led to a case of the sulks. Super Gillian to the rescue! Rather than deal with stoic, sullen Corey I head out to find a "happy." See, Corey's got himself a man grill and Publix has a meat sale. The two were meant for each other don't you think? Well I did. I came home with two of the biggest tbones I could find. I had visions for Corey happily making man noises over his fire and enjoying a nice dinner.

To bad I had to ruin it. See this bottle? It's death with a cute little cap. Hottest. Stuff. Ever. Those beautiful steaks were ruined I tell you, RUINED! It was like eating beautifully cooked, medium rare, fire. Misery on a plate. Look at the name though! It's PERFECT! As in Hip-hip ARRGGHHH! Hip-hip ARRGGHH! Pirates are funny.As I don't eat mammals poor Corey was left to sweat it out on his own. I had a grilled cheese on wheat.

Okay guys I've committed some kind of chick sin right? Is this some kind of epic level of girl dumb? I destroyed a cow's butt. What's the penance for that? Buy more cow butt? Ideas? Anybody? By the way, if I didn't feel so bad this would be rife with fun one liners! The Pirate's booty made bad bootie! Yeeeah. Anyway. I feel too guilty. Have at it, my expense. I deserve it!

I'm melting!

So I had a bad day. I love, love, love my job but yesterday was TOUGH. One frozen iPhone and a mountain of problems didn't deter my computer from having an attitude. Great. After crawling under my desk to fix it I seriously considered just staying down there. It'd be like the Wizard of Oz. Sorry, there's nothing left but the desk and my beloved Michael Kors wedges sticking out. I'm hiding. Sassy footwear aside, I took my pounding head home hoping a rocking boat in a beautiful marina would soothe away the rough edges. It did, just like it always does.

Chuck came in and settled himself right beside me on the sofa. I'm busy regaling Corey with my day's misadventures when I produce this little nugget of Gillian wisdom. "I love Chuck. He knows just when he's needed. Look at his cute stripes. Like a zen garden. I'm petting a fuzzy, soothing, zen garden."

My zen garden chooses this exact moment to audibly fart. ON me. Amidst the green stink cloud and my high pitched protests my husband happily sat, laughing his fool head off. Yeah, yeah. I know. It's funny huh? Go ahead and laugh why don't ya. I'm cutting my losses, getting into some jammies, and heading to bed. Here's hoping tomorrow is stress and stink free!

Coronary Bypass Surgery on Wikipedia

Most. Awful. Thing. Ever. I'm warning you, don't look. I've been hearing some murmurs and talking to people just to scamper home and do my own Google searches. Here's an interesting heart nugget. Stents aren't built to last. They're like boob jobs. Occasionally you need a redo. Crap.

Now don't panic. This isn't ALWAYS the case. Lots of people will keep their stents for their entire lives. Lots won't though. You may tick along just fine or you may need a "tune up." There are lots of reasons why. They may clog back up or they may get old as your heart gets older. They just plan may not work for some people. It's a stinker but it's the truth.

So what's the tune up? How do you fix a broken stent? Can you remove a stent? Yes, it's fixable. No, you can't remove a stent. At least not how you think. For someone my age, steps will very likely be needed. As I get older, so will my stent. Eventually I'm going to need some help. That help comes with the name Coronary Bypass Surgery. Scary huh?

It can be. It's open heart surgery. A vein is taken from somewhere else in your body and sewn into your heart. The new piece acts like a graft and the blood moves through it instead of the sick part. It's like taking a detour around road construction. The stent is now useless. The blood goes around now, not through. Wiki has some great info on the procedure. Go here.
The info is clear, concise, and scary as heck. It's wince inducing. Please sweet baby Jesus don't picture my face, or yours, or anyone you know when you read it. If you do you're a darn crazy fool and you'll get all worked up. Chill. It's just a wiki link. It IS the worst wiki link I've ever seen but I warned you. Go forth and Google if you must. Let's start with the stuff that makes me squeegy. It's likely they'll go through my sternum. Yikes. There's a chance my heart may be stopped for the surgery. Double yikes. The list of complications is long and extremely squeegy feeling. There's also a dizzying array of methods so you never really know what to look forward to. Apparently it's surgeon's choice. You know, like lunch. Huh. Now the good news shall we?

I'm not going to need this for quite a while. If a chick can keep the same fake boobs for over a decade I'm thinking my tiny metal spot should last at least 15 years. At. Least. Complications and fear aside, I'll likely be feeling pretty sick by then. Bypass surgery is a major pick me up. A new lease on life. Again! That would make me double blessed. My heart would be twice held and twice saved so that would be wonderful in my book. Something else to make you feel good? Bypasses are done all the time. Every darn day in fact. I may have to lay on another table eventually but the odds of me walking out are very high.

See? Nothing to be scared of. It may not be fun, it may not be glamorous, but it's just part of it. The price you pay for playing I guess. Scared? Yes. Optimistic? You betcha.

Side note - Was the wiki picture reeealy necessary?!? Who's bright idea was THAT? Where's the nice, impersonal diagram?!? Jeez. Gross Wiki, gross. Thanks a stinkin' lot. Ugh!

I go to Publix WAY to much.

Every once in a while the clouds part, the sun peeks through, and you get a goodie for no apparent reason. It may not be a big goodie but it still makes you smile and brightens your day. Lookit what I got! It's fab-u-lous!

I pop into Publix several times a week. When I was riddled with bruises and needle marks (and hard to look at even to me) the deli guy took his lunch break to walk me around the entire store. He pointed out the heart healthy items, explained the low sodium benefits, and even helped me check out. All of this and he never once made me feel bad. There I am doing my best impression of Skeletor and he's extolling the benefits of a high protein diet and pushing my cart around. This guy's momma raised him right! When I felt better I made a beeline to the manager's desk to sing his praises. I made his day but he made a bad situation just a little better. He deserved a big thank you. People don't get recognised enough these days you know?

The bakery lady sneaks me a cookie when I buy my whole wheat bread and urges me to "have fun with the little things" in life. All of the check out people know me and I ask about their families. These people are NICE! Case in point...

"Hey! There's that nice lady with the freckles!" Yes, I'm an idiot but I actually looked behind me. I'm motioned over and presented with THIS! Yum! They gave me a cake! Someone's flavor mix up along with a closing bakery led to my chocolaty windfall! Ah, frosted chocolate baked goods. It's been too long my friend.I love Publix. I really, really do. The best roses are frosted ones after all! This is my breakfast today y'all! Don't judge. You know you want a piece!

Here's your assignment for the day. Give a "cake" to someone. Go be nice. Know anyone that really needs lunch or a small iTunes gift card? Find a manager and praise someone. Send a handwritten card. You may make someone's day but you'll be the one smiling!

Gillianese gets drunk.

Everyone that knows me (or reads this blog) knows that I tend to improvise when it comes to the English language. I can tinker with words the way William Shatner tinkers with their delivery. Can't figure how to describe something? No biggie, just make something up that sounds nifty. As there was a truly epic football party in the marina this weekend I thought I'd share some drunk Gillianese that has caught on. Keep in mind that I was the only sober one there and this just makes it even more silly.

Term 1 - Drunkneck - An inebriated individual usually saying "Hey y'all watch this!" They also have the uncontrollable urge to "do something" that usually ends up with a trip to the ER. Their better halves, while irritated, are gratified in their knowledge that the drunkneck will NEVER live this down. Stitches come and go but drunkneckitude lasts forever.

Term 2 - Drunkasaurus - Ever seen someone so torn down every little thing is difficult? Ever seen a drunk and grumpy routine? They may try and try but succeed they don't. Congrats. You've got yourself a dinosaur sighting. The Drunkasaurus is LOOSE! Quick somebody pen him in! Why do I call it that? Go here to see my inspiration. Cute huh? Oh come on, you know it's precious! Tell me you don't know someone like this after a few too many!

This weekend led to a drunkneck sighting on the beach (poor guy hobbled around for quite a while) and a whole boatload of Drunkasauruses. Every man within a 3 boat range, my poor husband included, was a dinosaur last night. Little arms waving everywhere! Ah, football season. It's great isn't it?

Chuck

Meet Chuck. Our marina cat...

See Chuck sleep on my desk...

See Chuck sleep on me...

See Chuck sleep on Corey...

And on our chart table...

Yeah, you get the idea. Isn't he great?

Give a girl a cookie...

Well, I did it. Here I am 365 days exactly since my heart attack. As of this very moment I am a happy, HEALTHY young woman living with heart disease. It's a good feeling! The much dreaded stress test went beautifully and I'm told I MAY be able to kick some of the pills soon. Good news! Even better, the year of "bad" statistics is over. Increased mortality rate, risks of second events, more surgery. All clear. All better. After 3 hospital stays, 12 cardiologist visits, and countless tests and needles I'm finally given the go ahead. I made it out the other side! NO MORE TESTS!!!

Thanks you so much guys. Really. I couldn't have done it without you. I really gave my family a good scare but the rallied around me cheered me on. Corey has been AMAZING through all this. Here's to growing old together Handsome! As for the rest of you... I can't believe how many there are! You guys are precious. Each and every one. It seemed like every time I had a really bad day I'd get an email. I'm so grateful to know all of you. All my hearts friends out there... you're AMAZING! Hey there Reader T! To answer your question NEVER stop counting! Every day is a little more precious now. I get it! Here's to never having to reset the clock!

Now I'm going to hug my husband and head back to work. Love you guys! It's a great day!

Dr. Seuss

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish. Aaand again. Some people say count to 10 when you're pissed off. Me? I quote Dr. Seuss. My husband thinks this puts me one check mark closer to certifiable but I like it. Trust me, it has a soothing effect. Usually.

No amount of red fish, blue fish can fix this level of irritated. I've got a stress test with ECHO scheduled today (My last for a LONG time!) and I'm not looking forward to it. I HATE this stinkin' test. Worse, it's just a check up and I'm missing an entire day of work for it. Worse, worst! I can't eat or have caffeine or take my heart pills till it's done. And it's scheduled for late this afternoon. If complaining would get me out of this I would not-hafta-go three times.

The Heart Nazi cracked a Diet Coke right in front of me this morning and I about went kung fu on him. Sorry, but that's a fightin' offense. This sweet southern girl almost went redneck over a Diet Coke. One fish, two fish...

Yeah, yeah. I'm going. I'm inches from my one year heart anniversary and I need this dumb test to put me closer to in the clear. One year in the clear means my life expectancy goes up and I've proven I'm healing well. Gillian is officially living with heart disease. Bada bing! I'll be happy about it tomorrow. I'll celebrate with a caffeinated beverage. Today I'm going to have an attitude thank-you-very-much. Red fish, blue fish...

Every once in a while I'm reminded of what a lucky girl I am. I married a really great guy. Look what he spent his Saturday afternoon doing. A baby bird fell from it's nest and landed in the water. Corey always said it seemed strange for the birds to build their nests under the dock because they didn't have far to fall and this little guy proved him right. Corey noticed him floundering around and fished him out with a little bait net. Look how tiny! Poor little guy. One of the things I love about my husband is his love for animals. All animals. He says they're nicer then people and I agree. Animals have sweet, simple souls and ask nothing from us but mutual respect. They've built their home here just like we have.

Now what do we do with a tiny bird?!? He set it on the dock to dry off while he and I came up with a plan. Sadly, barn swallows aren't important enough to be picked up by animal rescue and he couldn't survive on his own. After a short discussion we decided to place him back under the dock and hope he hops back home. Mother Nature is rarely fair but we wanted to give our new friend a fighting chance.

Corey borrowed a marina dingy and scouted for nests under our dock. What did he find? Two more babies! Cute! Here's a picture of my husband to the rescue. I wish it showed how HOT it was! 110 degrees was the reading on my thermometer.

I handed down his precious cargo and Corey gently placed him close to the nest. It was the best we could do. If we touched the nest mama may not come back or the other babies may have fallen. Hopefully, the little one will find his own way. I know Corey and I are hoping hoping he makes it! As of this morning mama is flying around and the babies are making a racket. The water is clear and the baby's perch is empty. Fingers crossed!

So cute!!!

I have a new favorite boat in the marina. She came in this week to have some work done and after talking to her equally charming owner about what she needed, I headed outside to take a look at her. Ready to see what she looks like? Brace yourselves! She's adorable!

Aw weeee! Look how CUTE! Meet Lindisima. She's a Cape Dory Typhoon and she's precious! A sailboat in mini! Look at her baby sail covers! Her little Mercury motor! Her teeny weeny porthole! I'm not going to lie, when I noticed her I squealed like a girl. To me, this is as cute as a pile of puppies. She looks JUST like her big brothers and sisters. Every detail is there, just in miniature!


The boys hauled her out of the water and put her on blocks so she can have her work done. What do I do? Squeal again! She has a baby keel!!! Look at that! She really IS a mini big boat! Most sailboats this size are lightweight with removable parts. They're built to be rigged fast, sailed faster, and are easy to pick up and move around. They have sassy, fast names like Laser and Sunfish and are inexpensive, fun ways to sail. Think a kid's first boat or a person's little day sailor. Done? Just pick up and drive it home on a trailer. Not so with this Cape Dory! A boat like this is a bit of a princess. She requires the love and care of a bigger boat. I've got to hand to to the guys. They handled the Lindisima with the tender loving care reserved for her biggest sister boats. This tiny thing was lowered and blocked without a scratch.

Here's a good size perspective shot for you. That's my 6'3 husband on the right tending to her. See? Told you she was tiny! Look at that eeny weeny bumper by his head! There's no way he's fitting in this thing to sail it. I halfway wish I could sail her. A boat like this is nothing but a joy to take out. Tiny white sails on blue water. She's the heart of what pleasure sailing is... a pleasure. Don't I have the coolest job in the world? I get to look at cool stuff like this all day and know that when she's finished, she'll be placed back in the water shiny as a new penny. Frankly, it's hard to imagine her any prettier then this but I'm sure the boys will pull it of. I can't wait to see!

How many critters does one girl need?

Apparently several. I started my day by eating my breakfast on the back of my boat and picking apart the heels of a bread loaf. I drop the pieces in the water and one of our resident turtles shares in my breakfast. We've developed a routine and he's quickly becoming my morning dining companion. Corey's on his own - he's soooo not a morning person and my turtle is much better company at 6am.

I chase my daily dose of heart pills with Diet Coke (You better be staying on top of your pills heart buddies! Don't make me come after you!) and step onto my dock to start my commute. I kid you not, it's a dock walk. What did I find upon landing in the boat yard?

Our resident boat cat Chuck was whooping up a small kitty while another one cowered under my car. Huh. Kitty drama. After shooing away my office attack cat I opened the office and quickly discovered we had a problem. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Five little kitties. Sure enough, we've got some uninvited and HOT new residents. Who the heck abandons five little kittens in a boat yard?!? If that ugly individual that shooed 5 babies out of his car ever announces himself I have some heavy equipment in the boat yard I'd love to introduce him to. For that matter, there's quite a few handy masts to string him up on. Jerk. Hypocrite. Kitty kicker.

One particularly affable male followed me all the way to the fuel docks, tail held high, and told me all about it. There are few things as pitiful as a kitten chasing after you and wailing at the top of it's lungs. Next thing I knew he's charming a salty group of mariners that were there to fuel their boats before heading off to work. I turn around and this tough group of guys are clustered around my new sidekick and taking turns petting him. Bunch of softies, all of them. :)

When I went back in the office guess who muscled his way into the air conditioning. 15 minutes later two more managed to squeeze their way inside then my boss gave in and went and rescued the other two. To cool for school! How does anyone get anything done?!? I had an entertaining 30 minutes where my pencil cup, files, and blotter hit the floor as my desk was overtaken. It's mayhem!

We fed and watered the little ones then I called the Fairhope Cat Coalition. They're a wonderful organization that feeds the feral cats that live behind our boat yard. They also rescue poor critters that find themselves in a bad situation and place them in a safe, no kill environment until they find homes. Thankfully, once I explained the situation she rushed right over. Our kitty guardian is Glenda. Yes, like the good witch. She truly lives up to her name and was here with a cat carrier and reassurances for me that my guests would be well taken care of.

At this point "my babies" had taken up residence on my boss's desk and were sleeping off their adventure. Aren't they the CUTEST things you've ever seen? Glenda swooped down (as all Glendas should) and carried them off to newer and better places. A.k.a. the vet's office. She was tickled by the "office desk rescue" and I've been promised that my batch of babies will be placed quickly in new homes.


BUT...I'd feel much better if my own readers took them. You are such fabulous people after all. Does anyone out there want one of my boat yard buddies? If so, please call the Baldwin County Humane Society and ask for the desk top marina kitties. They'll lead you right to them. Look at those big feet! Those fuzzy wuzzy ears! Those little noses! Come on... how can you say no to that face!?!

On a side note, the suggestions are pouring in! I'm sooo getting a new name! That tshirt is going to go so fast I'm thinking about giving away 2! Keep the suggestions coming and thanks so much!