Wireless!

I'm wireless! I had to wear a heart monitor for 21 days so that my cardiologist could get an idea of what my heart is doing. We're still waiting on the results so I can't post what the verdict is yet. I've either got a rapid heartrate naturally or I've got an electrical problem. I'm going to practice classic avoidance for the next little bit and not think about it. I know about each option and have looked into both. Until I know, I'm closing the door on all of it just appreciating not having anything taped to my chest on this gorgeous sunny day.

This is a picture of what I've been carting around in what I've got for cleavage. Stickers, wires, and little black gadgets. Sooo glad that's over! It's actually a really cool system. I attached a 3 lead monitor to my chest and the 3 wires connected to that oval thing in the middle of the picture. That thing recorded and monitored my heartbeats and sent them, via Bluetooth, to a special Verizon cell phone I had to carry with me at all times. The leads had to stay on no matter what. The only time I could unhook them was when I took a shower and changed them out after. I was allowed to go about my daily life just as long as I didn't push it. Pretty cool huh?

There were some downsides though. That darn cell phone didn't work in my bedroom! No matter what I did, it wouldn't transmit data back there. I had to sleep on my couch for a month. Carrying a cell phone everywhere is harder then it looks! The restroom, cooking, in my purse...try keeping something within 10 feet at all times. It's hard! Also, that 10 feet was more like 5 before it started chirping. The worst though were the sticker leads. I've developed an allergy to the adhesive and gel in them. Not surprising, considering I've had them on so often in the last 7 months. It happens to alot of us. By the end of week one I got that itchy, burnlike rash that I see on so many heart buddies. It looks and acts just like tiny burn blisters that are shaped exactly like the circular leads. I tried to move my stickers around everyday but all I accomplished was looking like I'd been attacked by an octopus by the end of the month.

Oh well. It's over! The octopus marks are fading already and I slept in my own bed last night. I mailed the equipment back to Lifewatch this morning so all I have to do is wait for my doctor to call me. Frankly, until I get the results, I'm much more interested in spring arriving in the marina. The ducks are back, the sun, and more and more boats arrive and go everyday. I got to take my walk today under a sunny sky wearing a tshirt! A new season is here and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure it's a great one.

Happy tears

I did it. I jogged today! I made it 1.5 miles in my cardiac rehab class today and I did it in 13 minutes. I'm not going to lie... there were a few tears involved when I was finished. It's been SO LONG and I had a little gremlin on my shoulder telling me it may never happen. It did though. It did! I'm going to be a jogger again. My day 1, ground zero, was today. My max heartrate was 174, not great, but I'll be working on keeping it down and I know I can push through it.

I'm going to miss my rehab guys! I have a little over a week left then I'm set free. I'm the last to go and there's all new people. See this picture of me? This is what happens when you lend your iPhone to a new heart buddy to check out your music. Somehow the dude managed to take 5 pictures. 3 of his thumb, one or his neck, and this one. Gotta love tech crippled people. I found it when I got home and had a good laugh.

Know what's great? When I started rehab I was so sad. I'd never been more stressed or felt so bad. Every day there was a struggle, mentally and physically, that I just had to push through. Now I see that same look in the faces of my new heart buddies. They look to ME as a success story now. Can you believe it? I have so much more to do but I get it. I've got my spark back. It was just a dim little flicker and now it's coming back. My new heart buddy who took this picture is like that. I can look him in the eyes today and tell him that it DOES get better. I get why he hates it there. I did to. The gym is great, the people are wonderful, but it's hard being in a rehab class when you thought you were healthy. Maybe because I've been there so long I just see it more. All us new people have the same stunned, upset, tired look. It's rough. We keep it up though and slowly we perk up. We're just scrawny azalea bushes waiting to bloom.

I'm still going to have hard days. I get tired quickly and out of breath sometimes. I still have chest pain and have to take my pills but all those baby steps are paying off. Today was my first leap. I can do it! I may never be the fastest, or even finish, but I'll be the most stubborn. No one is telling me no anymore after this!

Confusion

I don't get it. There's a communication error somewhere and it's irritating and confusing. Is the rehab place not being told something? Am I not being told something? What's up with this?

I go to rehab class just to get kicked out and stuck in the hospital. I did GREAT on my tests so I got to go home. I was warned that I have a rapid heartrate but there's nothing wrong with my heart pumping. Arteries clear, stent working. Yay me. I go back to the cardiologist. He tells me again that there's NOTHING WRONG with the pumping part of my heart and I'm in gorgeous shape. I may be able to start jogging soon he says. Then he puts me in a heart monitor for a month and puts me back in rehab. Apparently whatever may be wrong requires around the clock monitoring. Worrisome. I head back to rehab. I'm hooked up to another monitor and while wearing two at a time I'm pulled off my rower for a rapid heartrate. Again. I bargain my way out of going back to the hospital. It's not happening! They inform me I'm likely never running again and it may be time to "accept my limitations."

I'm sorry what? Which is it?!? Am I healthy or am I not? Will I run or won't I? If the cardiologist says yes, let's get busy. If it's no, I need to start my life and work towards different goals. They'll still be big, I'll just be more careful. I know without a doubt that my heart is healthy. I also know that my guys are worried enough to have me wear a heart monitor. I'm in the middle, the bug, who at this point is just praying I don't have to meet the electrical specialist. Please, please don't let me have to go see that guy.

This is a confusing month. I can handle either answer. It's NO answer that's driving me a little nuts. This marks my 7th month healing. It's time to stop being a heart and start being a person. Don't you think it's time to start living again?

Baby workouts lead to big things.

Don't have time to work out? Sure you do. There are lots of itty bitty things that you can do that really add up. By adding up I mean they get easier and pretty soon that Y membership will come in handy or that Zumba class may seem like fun. These are just a few of the little things that EVERYONE can do to start down the right track. I've discovered they're fun and it amazes me how much time you can find in a day and how much I can get done in my free minutes!

Park in the back. It's win, win. You're car won't get dented and you get some exercise. Parking as close as you can isn't a contest folks. Take a brisk walk from the back and you have just squeezed in a baby workout. Also, go on a cart hunt! Getting a cart from the lot and pushing it inside helps you and helps the poor sucker that has to do it later in the rain. When you're done with it, put it back! If not at the door, at least in the cart spots. Bonus points for spotting "sporty chick." You know the one. They're the women that jockey for the space riiight next to the handicapped ones then hop out in their yoga clothes. When they're done loading their health food they leave the cart right in the middle of the lot. Healthy folks aren't they? Now clock yourself. I PROMISE your baby workout will take 2 minutes longer then their time saving. Doesn't make much sense does it?

We also spend a bunch of time in the kitchen and watching TV. Why not tuck some free weights in your kitchen? While I'm waiting for my water to boil or my microwave to ding I'm getting in some bicep curls. You can accomplish a ton in one minute! I still stare at my coffee pot and curse it for going slow. I just do it while I'm working on my triceps. Pretty soon you'll be disappointed with the time limit and want to add more reps on your own.

I l.o.v.e. commercials. Every commercial I try to get up, stretch, and move around a bit. Tuck in a rep or two of sit ups or push ups and you're on a roll! Work out the kinks or even limber up with some basic yoga poses. Toe touches, knee lifts, you get the idea. When the commercial is over I go right back to playing Bejeweled online but I'm looking out for the next one! I was suprised how much this got the blood moving and loosened me up.

So let's see. While wearing this dang heart monitor 24/7 I went grocery shopping, cooked dinner, watched TV, and typed this blog entry. I ALSO had a walk, did 40 push ups, 80 crunches, and completed 3 full reps of weights. Pretty. Darn. Cool. How much time did I lose working out? None.

Oh! One more thing. I'm strapped to a monitor around the clock and obviously monitored more the any human would ever want to be by a doctor. I'm watched so closely I could be a bug under my cardiologist's microscope. My whole team is absolutely amazing but the objective is to get to a point where I don't need them anymore.If you think you need to ask a doctor before being more active, please do. Otherwise you may end up the bug to. Use your brain before you do something dangerous.

A little tour, just for you.

I've been put back in rehab. It's so I can be babysat while I'm on my new, not so safe pills and wearing my heart monitor. It also gives the people monitoring me a set time to pay attention. Pretty cool.

What do I DO in rehab? A bunch. I go three times a week for exercise and once a week for heart class. The class is where you learn nifty things like what's wrong with you, how not to kill yourself eating McDonald's, and what to do if you manage to get in trouble again. Sometimes you get to look at plastic heart models and sometimes you get Cheerios coupons. It's a mixed bag.

When I get there I sign in then weigh myself. My weight is recorded while I pick up my heart monitor and attach it to my skin. Lucky me, I get to wear two for a month. The staff moves around and takes all of our resting blood pressures. Ready to start!

We warm up with stretches then do about 5 minutes of free weights. I'm allowed the 5 pounders. This is an upgrade from the pink 2 pound ones they made me start with. After weights, we break up and get to our cardio machines. We spend 15 minutes each on the 3 machines we've been assigned. I've got treadmill, rowing machine, and the elliptical in that order.

There are only two TV's in this gym. They show our heart rates. Isn't that entertaining? We're numbers and wavy lines, running across the screen. While we're working out, the fabulous staff is working. They walk around, talking to each of us and taking our working blood pressures. They also check for changes in our health and record any medication changes.

After breaking no more then a mild sweat, we're done for the day. We cool down then wait for our blood pressure to be taken for the 3rd and last time. Once we're clear, we turn in our heart monitors and peel off our lead stickers. The guys actually shave patches of their chests. Imagine taking off fuzz and skin 3 times a week. Ouch!

This is the bare minimum of my workout routine and it's pretty much all I'm allowed for now. The goal is to get my heart used to working hard without putting any strain on it. I do some stuff at home to but that's another post.

Does this sound like a gym you want to visit? No? Kinda sucks huh? While they do their best to make it nice for us, yes. It sucks. Guess what. A sedentary lifestyle is a leading cause for two of the biggest boogymen in bad health. Heart disease and diabetes. Even a little exercise a week will greatly increase your odds of never going to a cardiac rehab gym. Go figure. Going to a gym will help keep you out of THIS gym. All I can say is pick your poison. Either way, most of us end up going.

A bloggie blurb...

Just a baby post for you guys. What can I say, slow week! Other then figuring out that I can put my new short hair into the cutest ponytails ever, well, I got nothin' for ya. Seriously, they look like itty bitty horns. For an at home do it's just happy. It's enough to make you want to say something silly like Rawr! Yeah, yeah. I'm a dork. What else right?

Not much! The new pill may be working. I'm hitting perky but ever heard of placebo effect? Me and my new pigtails aren't celebrating yet. Let's give it a bit more before I party.

The new heart monitor comes in the mail tomorrow. Jeez. Crappiest package ever. Once it's here I call a number and the tech support guy will tell me how they want me to hook that thing up. Then it's 21 days of someone recording my every heartbeat before I take it off. Joy. I'm allowed a stink face on this one. It's a little creepy isn't it? On a good note, it's the laaaaast test. No more hospitals, needles, and wires. No surgery scares. I'll be done and focusing on STAYING better not being sick. Cool huh?

Hummingbird

I went to the cardiologist yesterday. You know you're dealing with a really amazing team when they comment on your new haircut and know your medical record highlights right off. They haven't seen me in office in quite some time. They treat me like a person, not a beating heart and I really appreciate it. But what did they say right?

I gotta lose about 5 pounds. Getting kicked out of rehab pushed my weight from 108 to 116. Stink. Yeah, yeah. I know what you're thinking. Poor pitiful me right? Well I don't think so. I need to lose the fat weight I put on and I'm looking to add double that in muscle mass. I don't give a minute worth of heartbeats on what the scale says. It's like an apple. It can be shiny and gorgeous but still rotten on the inside. I need healthy insides.

My cardiologist is one of those super great guys. Of course I'm crazy about him because he played a huge part in saving my life but he's just one of those sincere, nice people to. He and I are just about done with this Marco Polo hunt with what's wrong in my chest. The fatigue is coming from somewhere. My heart is beating too fast for some reason. WHAT?!? Tell me and I'll fix it. Please. Today. Now.

There's only two things left. One is my medication. I'll go into more of this later. It makes sense to me though. We identified a suspect and took me off of that pill. The only problem is I really need that pill. Like life depends on it, need it. We're going to try something a little different and they're going to watch me like a hawk. If this works, I stay on the new pill and I'll feel better fast. Problem solved! I'm rooting for this option!

Problem two stinks a bit more. The rapid heartbeat is a little troubling. But how much so? Normally a patient has a base line made up of normal readings. The first time I had an EKG was when I was having a heart attack. This is a problem because I don't have any way of knowing what my base line is. Now me and my cardiologist have to wing it. So here's the thing. I'm an itty bitty young woman with a ton of energy and a healthy lifestyle. What if my heart JUST beats fast? I could have a hummingbird of a heart and there's no way of knowing if it's always been that way.

There's only one thing left to do and neither one of us is happy about it. I'm being mailed a heart monitor. I'll attach it to my chest with leads and it will record my heartbeats digitally. For 21 days. I can sleep and shower without it but otherwise it has to stay on nonstop. I'm being put back in rehab and it's going to record that to. Great. Just great. The only thing I can say about this is thank goodness it's winter. My wires will be on the inside! If I do well I'm just a hummingbird. If I get bad readings then I earned myself a visit with a specialist. I may have an electrical impulse issue that would need to be addressed.

I bet you can tell what I'm rooting for! Chilly weather, a hummingbird heart, and mean medication! I'll be a happy girl if it's just that easy. Please, just let it be that easy. I can almost see that 5k in my future...

The old and the new.

It's rehab Thursday! I l.o.v.e my workouts! Old Gillian was a bit of a gym rat. If all I get is a few light workouts a week I'm there. I've got my bottled water, my heart book, and my gym clothes are on. I park at Thomas Cardiac Rehab... Fairhope has a WONDERFUL facility for us heart guys. We have our own building! My nose felt a little runny so I absentmindedly swiped at it. The side of my hand came away bloody. The cold weather is torturing my nose and I have another nosebleed.

Old Gillian would have flipped the hell out. There would be drama, Corey would be called. Whining would definitely be involved. I didn't do any of that. Squeezing my nose I gathered up my stuff and walked into rehab. I made a beeline for the restroom so I could clean up and wash my hands. After much blotting and dabbing my nosebleed stops and I'm free to take my seat and get my blood pressure taken. Time to shake it off and hit the rowing machine!

It didn't occur to me till I was leaving class that I'm a changing girl. I never could have done that before. Good grief I faint when I get my finger pricked! My body isn't the only thing getting leaner and meaner. I'm developing a tougher character when it comes to medical stuff. Somewhere between the heart attack and the needles up my nose I grew up. Bad stuff happens. You can let it ruin your day or you can take five minutes to fix it then move on. There's no sense getting your nose out of joint! Har har.

My two favorite stories so far.

I'll never understand it but heart patients LOVE to tell you their heart stories. I started this blog out of self defense. I don't like telling my heart story! Once again, I'm the odd duck of my rehab class. Seriously though, what's the deal? It's got to be up there as far a life changing, traumatic events. Who wants to relive that?!? Then again, I'm a girl. Maybe something is lost in translation. Who knows. Here are two of my favorite heart stories. I got a kick out of them anyway!

One of the gentlemen in my class had a heart attack and got an ambulance ride to the hospital. He had to have 2 stents put in. Where did the ambulance pick him up? Hardee's. He was in the drivethru waiting for a thickburger. I kid you not. Dude, you're never going to live that down. Just saying. You had a heart attack at Hardee's!!!

One of my favorite cardiac rehab guys is the luckiest duck I know. Do you think if I stand close enough it will rub off? How lucky is he? He had a motorcycle accident! He got an ambulance ride to the hospital to. There he is all busted up when the doctor makes an interesting discovery. Totally unrelated to the accident, this guy is walking around with an aortic aneurysm!!! For those who don't know this basically means, that part of your heart can bust. Literally bust. My heart buddy was walking around with a bomb in his chest. If the aorta had ruptured, he would have died in minutes. See? Told you he was lucky! Thanks to his motorcycle accident it was discovered and corrected with surgery.

I love these guys. Hours of entertainment every week. It's fun getting to know them. The doctor calls our class the one blossom and 10 possums. Jeez. I'm glad I'm the blossom huh?

The Guys

I got lucky with my rehab class. They're a great group of guys. They were my second try and I'm so glad I moved my class time so I could meet them. I moved my time because the first class I picked wasn't a good fit. The members had been there a while and I was the youngest by (seriously) 40 years. Ouch. Now I know it's very rare for a 30 year old to have a heart attack but how was I supposed to relate to a bunch of 70 year olds?

I didn't. The normally cheerful class was silent the whole time. I might as well have been the smelly kid in the playground no one wanted to play with. These guys had a party going in rehab and someone young enough to be their grand kid wasn't invited. I moved my class time that night and called my sister hoping for some sympathy. In that way that only a sister has, she had me laughing about being "unpopular" in rehab. It is pretty funny isn't it? I got booted out of my first class! WHAT the?!?

I showed us for my next class armed with her advice. "You're not there to make friends. Just do what you need to get done and get better!" I was expecting another round of semi hostile geriatrics. What I got was a whole bunch of honorary daddies and granddaddies. I love my new guys.

Once they figured out I had a "reason" to be there I was taken around and introduced to my new crew. They pointed out the repeat offenders (guys going through another round of cardiac rehab after another heart event) and the "pig parts" (the guys with valves replaced with pig valves.) I met guys like me with stents and was proudly shown bypass scars and one new zipper scar. They're boisterous, they're funny, and they were all more then willing to let a "sweetpea" like me tag along.

It's like walking into a new family. One minute you're the odd one out and the next you're fixing their cell phones for them. We trade recipes and horror stories and they show me the music on their iPods. There's always the joke about the fried chicken and pizza that they're going to bring... next week.

These guys make rehab easier. It's hard being in there and learning your limitations. With a fun, supportive group you end up with friendly competition and a better outlook. The guys "get it." They know like no one else does what it's like to have a heart problem. I'm a lucky girl to have found them.

Well THAT'S reassuring!

Want to see what it looks like inside a cardiac rehabilitation gym? Sure you do! Wouldn't you rather see it on a blog then see it for yourself? You reeeeally don't want a membership at this gym. As exhibit A let me introduce you to the thing guaranteed to dampen even the most determined heart patient's spirit.

Tada! The crash cart! It's that blue thing on the left. See what's right next to it? Exhibit B, the scale! Every week you're required to weigh yourself while that crash cart leers at you. On my first day of cardiac rehab the crash cart was proudly pointed out by the staff. They told me it's only been used twice. Wow. Great. Really, thanks.

Now I'm sure twice is probably like almost never. To us heart patients sporting shiny new plastic pieces and pig valves, twice is hardly comforting. Are you seriously going to tell the guy with the pig valve twice? Seriously?!?

It makes no difference really. Everyone in the class has an unspoken agreement to ignore the cart. We give it a wide berth when we walk by and don't even look at it. The whole point of cardiac rehab is to teach us how to live long healthy lives. The guys and I tend to not linger on the thing that most points out our mortality. Working through the rehab is reminder enough.

I don't give that thing a second thought. I have to say though... I get a kick out of seeing visitors reactions to it. Maybe I'll even tell the next one it's only been used twice. :)

Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.

Yes, really. Being a woman and having heart disease means you have a pretty grim outlook. That being said it's not a death sentence. Us girls just need to get it together and do better. Here's why...

Did you know that women are more likely to die of massive heart attacks? Why? Because we don't go to the doctor! Women are used to pain and tend to brush off the symptoms of a heart attack. When we're having one we don't go to the ER because we're embarrassed or don't think it's that bad. Unfortunately, I'm guilty of this. By the time I made my first ER appearance I had a major problem. Here are some statistics to show you just how common us girls are and why we die more. Scary stuff, but if you know you can avoid it right? Right?!?

1. Women are more likely to die within one year of having a heart attack.
2. Traditionally, women are less likely to get state-of-the-art diagnostic care and treatments.
3. By the time women are treated their heart disease is normally much more advanced then in men. ( Wow. I fell right into that one didn't I?)
4. Women are diagnosed with heart disease just as much as men are. The numbers match people. Your heart doesn't care if you're a girl.
5. Women are scared of cancer. Unfortunately for us, you have much better odds of dying of heart disease then ALL other cancers COMBINED! Wow guys, that's a lot of women. Add up all the women that died of cancer last year. Many, many more died because of their hearts. Sad isn't it?
6. Last but not least, women are more likely to die in heart surgery. Statistically, once we're on the table the odds aren't in our favor for make it off it.

Now this scared me a little. It's also oddly comforting. At least I'm not the only stubborn, heardheaded woman out there who didn't pay attention to her heart. We're all like that! Honestly, I spent more time in one day thinking about my hair then I spent in my whole life thinking about my heart. Pitiful I know, but at least we're all guilty.

Know better, do better right? I myself was a victim of some of these things. Here's how my little list shakes down.

1. I didn't go to the doctor when I had all of the signs of heart problems. It never even occurred to me.
2. Once in the ER I was in bad shape. It took them longer to diagnose a heart attack because I was a young woman who looked healthy. If I was a man in his 50's I would have been diagnosed at the door.
3. They let me eat chicken fingers! Chicken fingers!!! While I was having a heart attack! Once I was admitted, they still didn't want to admit that a woman my age was in that much trouble. They even allowed me to eat a major cardiac no no while they waited for my test results. More then anything this shows that even the best doctors can be surprised.
4. My surgery, a cathe procedure, didn't go well. Once I was diagnosed my heart didn't cooperate at all. I had to have a stent put in because all other attempts to repair my artery failed. It works great now but at the time if scared the hell out of my poor husband.
5. Because I waited and didn't know better, heart disease has a very firm hold on my heart. It's rooted deep and has progressed at an alarming rate.

Well that's the bad news. See how being a woman can directly affect your chances of survival? Scary huh? Now I have some good news. Well, good for me at least. I have amazing doctors. I have a wonderful cardiologist and a whole team of doctors and nurses that run my cardiac rehab program. These guys are rockstars. They don't accept failure and have taken a special interest in me. Thanks guys! I'm also on the biggest, baddest, and best of everything. From the medication I take, to the rehab I'm going through, and even my stent in my heart. Absolutely everything is the best of the best. It's new, it's expensive, and best of all, it works! This DEFINITELY ups my odds. I have an incredible surgeon, state-of-the-art medication and implants (bionic woman anyone?), and I'm getting the after care that's crucial to recovery and prevention. Add to that my age, health, and sheer stubborn nature and you have the chances of me living a long time firmly in my favor.

The moral of the story is for us women to understand the enemy. Quit worrying if you're going to get cancer or hit by a bus. Don't do what I did and ignore what your body is telling you. Go to the doctor. Get your cholesterol level checked. Take care of yourself! I know we're busy bees but if you don't take care of your heart, who's going to take care of your children's? Odds are it will be your husband. Now isn't that embarrassing?

A Harsh Reality

Everyone that has had a heart attack has to go through a cardiac rehab program to recover from it. I've REALLY been looking forward to my rehab classes as a kind of way to totally recover and put all the heart disease "nonsense" behind me. I was a jogger before my heart attack and I was ready to jump on that treadmill and go!

Today was my first class and imagine my surprise when instead of being pumped up and progressing I'm instead having the WORST day since I was told I had a stent in my heart. I arrived early in my workout clothes and filled out a mountain of paperwork related to my condition. They pull you in an office and go over all your medications then ask you the most important question of your rehab process. What are your goals? I'm prepared for this so I confidently reply "I want to run a 5k by this time next year." A 5k is just over three miles and is an easy run. I have been looking at this goal as easy to reach and fun to work towards. My sweet new trainer looks me dead in the eyes and tells me that that's not realistic.

Excuse me? NOT realistic?!? It's three stinkin' miles! I'm not going to be able to run three miles?!? In a year? What kind of trouble am I in exactly? That's when the worst talk of my life happened. I'm just now learning that your cardiologist just patches up what is damaged and sends you back out with a prognosis of that PARTICULAR damaging event. Rehab is where you get the bad news. I sat in that chair and was given the worst news of my life. My trainer calmly and gently told me that I was NEVER going to get better. Ever.

I sat there totally shocked while these particular facts were delivered to me.
1. I have heart disease. It never goes away and is incurable. It gets progressively worse, so I will always have a cardiologist and will always need to monitor it. For the rest of my life.
2. I need to become an expert on all things heart. It's one hell of a crash course. I need to understand everything I can about blood pressure reading, blood tests, hospital tests, and the inner and outer workings of my heart. They're important. For the rest of my life.
3. Some medication I'll be able to stop taking, some I will be on forever. I will always have to be monitored though and there will always be pills. I may be nitroglycerin dependant. For the rest of my life.
4. I have a new diet, a new workout routine, and new lifestyle. If I do not maintain the strict rules of this lifestyle I am risking another heart attack. I can never even THINK about fast food. For the rest of my life.
5. I have some heart damage and it's NEVER going away. I can learn to work around it, and I can make the rest of my heart stronger, but the damage is there. Permanently. Instead of recovery, I need to be focusing on learning how to get the most out of what I have left.
6. That 5k that looked so easy? It's a barely reachable goal. To achieve it, I have to become an athlete. Reaching that finish line is a MAJOR life accomplishment.

Can you guess the part that upsets me the most? For the rest of my life! I had REALLY thought that I was going to walk away from this with a clean bill of health. I have never considered the fact that I was in that serious of a situation that I wasn't going to recover from it. The harsh reality is that I have heart disease. It's sneaky and it's silent. My heart is my newest and biggest enemy. If I slip up, if I don't stay on top of it, if I forget for one minute it's there, it can get worse. Halting the progression of this disease has to become one of the biggest priorities of my life. Holy goodness, this could kill me! Fast! If I don't play by the rules I'll have stents all over and a very short, very sick life.

Enough of that. As you can imagine I was pretty shocked to leave for rehab excited and end up sitting on my sofa a little teary in the afternoon. I need to get my game face on! If I have to super glue that sucker in place then that's what I'll do. My goal is still that 5k. If becoming an athlete and making some changes is necessary then that's what it takes. I've always said I would go down swinging and I've just earned the longest fight of my life. My sister sent me a package that I opened today. Inside I found a workout outfit. The little tshirt says "Consider your butt already kicked." Now who would have thought I needed to kick my own butt?!? It's perfect and I can't wait to wear it to my next class. I've given myself an attitude adjustment. It sucks to be thirty and have heart disease. It sucks worse to be dead. Poor pitiful me huh? I've been sentenced to a lifetime of skinny jeans and flat abs. Oh the horror! I've cruised right over pitiful and have landed square on pissed. I'm furious this happened right now. I'm going to be the poster child for heart health. By this time next year I WILL be entered in a run. We'll just see who wins this little fighting match. I wouldn't bet your money against me!

The Heart Walk

Did you ever wish your body had an instruction manual? Well I got one. It's a bright red folder with the words Cardiac Health and Rehab stamped on the front. Inside is my new life. On one side is a list of all of my medications and before and after pictures of my heart. Instructions on dosage and a pretty grim list of warnings and side effects make for some interesting reading. On the other side is my new manual. I have a new diet. It's not very different from the old. I have a list of no no's. No smoking, no activity, no sex. Sigh. My new goal in life is to have one so I'll do as I'm told. So what is a cardiac patient allowed to do? There's a page for that to. It's my exercise schedule. My walks are my new chocolate. I look forward to them everyday and count down till my next one. My page has a schedule that looks like this...

Week 1 - Walk 4-5 minutes 3-4 times a day
Week 2 - Walk 6-8 minutes 3-4 times a day
Weeks 3 - 4 Walk 10-15 minutes 2-3 times a day

Ultimate Goal is to be walking 30-45 minutes 4-5 times a week.

I will agree to all of this but the ultimate goal. Mine is quite a bit higher then that. My goal is to be running again. Maybe even run in that 5K I've been dreaming about. I don't see why I can't just because I have a stent in my heart.

My first week home was hard. My leg is very sore and I quickly figure out that walking helps. Unfortunately, I want to walk further then my new body does. I figure out why I have the list. 4-5 minutes means just that. No more. I set goals for myself and work towards them. Today I'm going to walk to that oak tree. Tomorrow I want to make it to the beach. Next week I want to go to the far side of the marina where the shipyard and shrimpboats are. Eventually I want to walk out of the marina and down Seacliff Drive. This may not seem very ambitious but right now Seacliff Drive may as well be the moon.

Because I love to and I need to I will walk no matter what. Rain or shine I'm out there. Quite often lately that's rain. You have to love the south. A few times I have gotten dizzy while walking and had to sit down. The trick is not to panic and to just rest for a bit. Don't get up and the feeling will pass. Last week right when my butt hit the dock it started to pour. All you can do is look up and say "Really? Are you kidding me?!" I sat there getting soaked and when I felt better I walked home. I toweled off and felt great. I met my goal that day by making it to the beach. Yesterday I got stuck in one of those steady drizzles. The first thing people do in the rain is run through it. I'm not allowed to do that right now so I just continued on my way. Lo and behold it was enjoyable! I walked through the marina, the only one out, in a misty rain and thought about how I'd never done this before. I was lucky to be alive so I was lucky to walk through the rain.

Before you worry, I have some walking rules. I didn't make all of them but I'm responsible enough to follow them. I always carry my phone when I'm out by myself. If I'm going to a new goal I call my husband and let him know where I'm going. One of my prescriptions is Nitroglycerin. It's the stuff you see old guys on TV slipping under their tongue right after they grab their arms and keel over. Luckily for me it's never that dramatic. Nitro stops chest pain. It's an emergency back up and will buy me enough time to get to a phone. I have to carry it with me at all times. It's just a tiny ampule that holds 25 tiny pills. I tied a string around the little ampule and keep it tucked in my shirt. As the nurse in the hospital said, " You don't got nothin' I'd call cleavage but you can still hide stuff in it." I have to agree! Lastly, if I get dizzy, I sit. God forbid I survive a heart attack just to fall off the dock and drown. Now wouldn't that be ironic?