I've been feeling so bad lately that I called the doctor's office and moved up my appointment. I wasn't supposed to see my cardiologist until 4 weeks after my heart attack but the progress I'm making is a little to slow. I'm tired, when I stand the room spins, and when I move to quickly everything goes gray. This dizzy, almost fainting feeling isn't going away and really hinders my activity level. My father took me out to lunch and 30 minutes in I was weak and shaky. That small amount of activity was all I could handle for the whole day.
My cardiologist checked my blood pressure readings and,after discussing the risk factors with me, he decided to take me off of two of my medications. One keeps my blood pressure low and the other is designed to keep my heart from spasming. I agreed to be closely monitored for the next few weeks in exchange for the nasty side effects to go away. Fair trade for me!
I'm writing this just a few days after my appointment and I'm really happy to say that all the dizzy, tired feelings are gone! It's amazing how certain medications can affect your attitude and your body. I'm walking further, eating more, and am now REALLY motivated to get in the gym and start rehabing in a few weeks.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
A Speed Bump
"How low?!?" the nurse asked me. With those words it was confirmed that the speed bump I had been suspecting I'd hit was a reality. I'm the not so proud owner of a blood pressure cuff and had to report a week's worth of reading to my doctor's office. After rattling off the numbers over the phone I'm told that my blood pressure is way to low. I hate to say it but thank goodness.
I feel awful. I'm exhausted. Every little task requires a pep talk before and a rest after. If I stand I'm dizzy and if I move to fast everything grays out. I understand that this first part of rehab is the hardest but this can't be normal. Everyone says you need a few weeks to rest and give your heart time to heal. The only problem is that they seem a lot perkier then me. At 30 shouldn't I be at the head of the class or something?
The phone call to the doctor's office has confirmed that my blood pressure is way to low and no, I'm not doing anything wrong. This is great news because it can be fixed! The suspected culprit is all of the medication I'm on. I set an alarm and wake up every morning to take 6 different kinds of medication. Some of these I'll have to take for the rest of my life but most are only temporary. Most of the pills are meant to keep my blood from clotting and my blood pressure down. One of these pills is an overachiever. Instead of my heart beating at a normal pace, it's glugging along like I'm asleep. I've earned myself and early trip to the doctor's office to scope out the problem and fix it.
I hate to say it but I'm excited! Not only will the problem get fixed, I get a trip out! This is big stuff right now! I've spent almost a month laying down. I've finished all of my books and beaten all of my games. I'm to tired to tinker with my sewing so my sister is saving my life and mailing me a sampler to embroider for my new niece. If they can fix the problem then I'll have a lot more freedom and the energy to enjoy it. It will also get my poor husband off laundry and grocery shopping duty. Right now I'm doing my level best to not get discouraged and to stay optimistic. This is just a little speed bump and once it's fixed I'll be back on track again.
I feel awful. I'm exhausted. Every little task requires a pep talk before and a rest after. If I stand I'm dizzy and if I move to fast everything grays out. I understand that this first part of rehab is the hardest but this can't be normal. Everyone says you need a few weeks to rest and give your heart time to heal. The only problem is that they seem a lot perkier then me. At 30 shouldn't I be at the head of the class or something?
The phone call to the doctor's office has confirmed that my blood pressure is way to low and no, I'm not doing anything wrong. This is great news because it can be fixed! The suspected culprit is all of the medication I'm on. I set an alarm and wake up every morning to take 6 different kinds of medication. Some of these I'll have to take for the rest of my life but most are only temporary. Most of the pills are meant to keep my blood from clotting and my blood pressure down. One of these pills is an overachiever. Instead of my heart beating at a normal pace, it's glugging along like I'm asleep. I've earned myself and early trip to the doctor's office to scope out the problem and fix it.
I hate to say it but I'm excited! Not only will the problem get fixed, I get a trip out! This is big stuff right now! I've spent almost a month laying down. I've finished all of my books and beaten all of my games. I'm to tired to tinker with my sewing so my sister is saving my life and mailing me a sampler to embroider for my new niece. If they can fix the problem then I'll have a lot more freedom and the energy to enjoy it. It will also get my poor husband off laundry and grocery shopping duty. Right now I'm doing my level best to not get discouraged and to stay optimistic. This is just a little speed bump and once it's fixed I'll be back on track again.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sleep
I just can't. I've never been so tired in my life but sleeping through the night just isn't happening. The most I've managed is six hours. I'm turning into the queen of naps. When I get tired or my blood pressure gets high I lay down. More often then not I wake up a few hours later. It seems like every small victory I have is celebrated with a nap. My first drive by myself, visiting with friends for more then 15 minutes, cooking french toast, a longer walk. Naps after every event. It's a grinding fatigue that just won't go away. It means I'm healing so I try to be patient. The only problem is waking up tired. Where is the good overnight sleep?
This morning I found myself up at 4am and restless. I left my husband sleeping and snuck off the boat for my walk. I was armed with my phone, my nitro pills, and a book. I walked around the marina in a sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. I've lived in my marina for two years now and I've never seen a sunrise here. It's gorgeous. The bay is dead calm so the water hitting the beach has a noise like something breathing. I started walking under the brightest stars I've seen on land and I finished with the horizon starting to glow. It's seeing things like this that make sleepless nights almost worth it. Almost.
Friday, August 21, 2009
A Screaming Body
I have to say that when I researched this blog post I felt like a total idiot. I want this to be scary. Here's why. If 100 people read this, 20 of you may scratch your heads and get scared enough to go to the doctor. There WILL be something wrong with 5 of you. That's a very conservative estimate. Wow. Five people. If I had read this last month, would I have gone? Maybe. Could what happened to me have been avoided? Maybe. I'll never know because I never read this and I was arrogant enough to ignore what my body was telling me.
My body has been screaming at me for some time now. It may as well have been laying on the floor having a full out temper tantrum. I'm ashamed to admit this now. My irresponsibility and stubborn attitude walked me right into a heart attack. I was arrogant enough in believing that nothing could be wrong with a 30 year old that took care of herself. My body, on the other hand, was pounding it's fists and yelling louder.
In the months leading up to the day I had a heart attack I had been feeling... bad. I can't find a good word so that one will have to do. I was tired. The kind of tired that doesn't go away. I complained about it, but I thought it may be normal. I was feeling shooting pains in my chest and arms. The were sharp and painful but they went away quickly. I brushed them off as pains from working out. Sometimes my fingertips would tingle. Numbness? Not really? Oh well, it's gone now. I posted on my facebook page complaining of heartburn just days before my attack. I've never had heartburn and my husband told me it didn't sound like it anyway. I love to jog, but for some reason I was running harder and running less. I was struggling to complete the same 2 miles that was easy earlier. I blamed it on fatigue. Does that make ANY sense?!? I was blaming one strange thing on something else that was equally strange. As I read this list I can only shake my head. Dammit, I should have gone to the doctor.
This is for you ladies... Heart attacks feel different. Forget everything you have ever learned about them and listen to your body. Thousands of women have described their heart attacks and their symptoms vary greatly. Here and just a few of the things they said. Good grief, I hope someone reads this!
Chest pain
Shooting pain
Chest pressure
Chest tightness
Back pain
Jaw pain
Heartburn
Hmmm...
Numbness
Tingling
Dizziness
Fatigue
Really?!?
Nausea
Shortness of breath
Fainting
Run down feeling
Cold sweats
Are you kidding me here?!? There's more. Lots more. Here's a sobering thing. What do us women do? We blow it off. We'll take our children and nag our husbands into going to the doctor but we won't go ourselves. I happen to think this is because us women are tough. We carry the babies and suffer through monthly uncomfortable cycles in silence. We brush off symptoms because everything else is more important. Seriously. Is a woman tough enough to push out a baby supposed to worry about one tiny tingling finger? Yes. Please, yes.
So here goes. I'll ask you this. When I woke up and saw that my sister had flown all the way down to be by my side I was upset. I was happy to see her but she has two children. I love them more then anything and I didn't want my 3 year old nephew to see me like that. What example are we women setting for our children? If you can't be bothered to get yourself to the doctor why should your daughter? Or her daughter? Listen to what your body is telling you. Are you concerned about that mole? Concerned about that cough? Tired? See where I'm going with this? GO TO THE DOCTOR! Make someone hear you. You know your body and if by reading this you're thinking of something wrong then I'm talking to you. I know, I know. It's expensive. Trust me on this. Hospital bills cost more.
I'm not saying one of you out there will have heart disease. I'm saying one of you may. Or HPV. Or skin cancer. All of this is treatable! Catch it early and stop it. If not for you then spare your family the hospital trip and your friends from having to bring you books and lip balm. Okay that's it! I'm going to climb down off my soapbox now and put it away. I love you all and my prayers are with you. Next time you see me if you want to whack me on the back of the head for not being smart enough for going to the doctor, trust me, I'll understand.
My body has been screaming at me for some time now. It may as well have been laying on the floor having a full out temper tantrum. I'm ashamed to admit this now. My irresponsibility and stubborn attitude walked me right into a heart attack. I was arrogant enough in believing that nothing could be wrong with a 30 year old that took care of herself. My body, on the other hand, was pounding it's fists and yelling louder.
In the months leading up to the day I had a heart attack I had been feeling... bad. I can't find a good word so that one will have to do. I was tired. The kind of tired that doesn't go away. I complained about it, but I thought it may be normal. I was feeling shooting pains in my chest and arms. The were sharp and painful but they went away quickly. I brushed them off as pains from working out. Sometimes my fingertips would tingle. Numbness? Not really? Oh well, it's gone now. I posted on my facebook page complaining of heartburn just days before my attack. I've never had heartburn and my husband told me it didn't sound like it anyway. I love to jog, but for some reason I was running harder and running less. I was struggling to complete the same 2 miles that was easy earlier. I blamed it on fatigue. Does that make ANY sense?!? I was blaming one strange thing on something else that was equally strange. As I read this list I can only shake my head. Dammit, I should have gone to the doctor.
This is for you ladies... Heart attacks feel different. Forget everything you have ever learned about them and listen to your body. Thousands of women have described their heart attacks and their symptoms vary greatly. Here and just a few of the things they said. Good grief, I hope someone reads this!
Chest pain
Shooting pain
Chest pressure
Chest tightness
Back pain
Jaw pain
Heartburn
Hmmm...
Numbness
Tingling
Dizziness
Fatigue
Really?!?
Nausea
Shortness of breath
Fainting
Run down feeling
Cold sweats
Are you kidding me here?!? There's more. Lots more. Here's a sobering thing. What do us women do? We blow it off. We'll take our children and nag our husbands into going to the doctor but we won't go ourselves. I happen to think this is because us women are tough. We carry the babies and suffer through monthly uncomfortable cycles in silence. We brush off symptoms because everything else is more important. Seriously. Is a woman tough enough to push out a baby supposed to worry about one tiny tingling finger? Yes. Please, yes.
So here goes. I'll ask you this. When I woke up and saw that my sister had flown all the way down to be by my side I was upset. I was happy to see her but she has two children. I love them more then anything and I didn't want my 3 year old nephew to see me like that. What example are we women setting for our children? If you can't be bothered to get yourself to the doctor why should your daughter? Or her daughter? Listen to what your body is telling you. Are you concerned about that mole? Concerned about that cough? Tired? See where I'm going with this? GO TO THE DOCTOR! Make someone hear you. You know your body and if by reading this you're thinking of something wrong then I'm talking to you. I know, I know. It's expensive. Trust me on this. Hospital bills cost more.
I'm not saying one of you out there will have heart disease. I'm saying one of you may. Or HPV. Or skin cancer. All of this is treatable! Catch it early and stop it. If not for you then spare your family the hospital trip and your friends from having to bring you books and lip balm. Okay that's it! I'm going to climb down off my soapbox now and put it away. I love you all and my prayers are with you. Next time you see me if you want to whack me on the back of the head for not being smart enough for going to the doctor, trust me, I'll understand.
The Greatest Hits
I get alot of questions. I HAVE alot of questions so I can understand people's curiosity. It's normal and no, I'm not offended. Ask away. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I may help save someone's life. If you answer enough, someone who needs to hear it will. These are the questions I'm asked the most. The greatest hits and the most requested.
1. What does a heart attack feel like?
It's different for everyone. Men have textbook symptoms that we've all heard about. Us women have it a little rougher. In my case my symptoms were sudden and extreme. I had severe chest pain that felt like I swallowed a whole potato chip. I had the most extreme cold sweat I've ever experienced and I threw up. I couldn't catch my breath and was breathing shallowly. I "fainted" and when I came to I was confused and lethargic. I couldn't stand. There was no doubt there was something wrong but if you had asked if I thought I was having a heart attack I would have said no. I'm going to follow this post with another on this subject so keep your eyes peeled!
2. Heart jewelry and will I have to wear an ID tag.
I wish I knew folks. I want to say no. I don't think I'm going to need to wear a medical alert tag. If I'm told I need one I'll wear it without complaint but what I have is endured by thousands of healthy people that don't wear tags. I do have to carry cards on my person now that identify that I have a stent and an implant in my leg and their locations. I may eventually shop for a "nitro necklace." I have to carry nitro with me at all times and I keep it tied on a little string around my neck. No one notices it that way. I haven't bought a special necklace to carry the pills in because frankly, I hope I won't have to carry them much longer. If I'm told they're needed then I'll upgrade to a better fashion statement at that time. I'm not a big fan of the string.
As for the term "heart jewelry" well that's my little joke. I'm not being offensive or disrespectful. As far as I'm concerned my tiny stent saved my life so it may as well be solid gold. It's also as permanent as that tattoo you wish you hadn't gotten. It's mine, and now a part of my body, so I'm trying to make friends with it. The implant in my leg gets no such noble nickname. Mainly because it hurt like a mother and temporarily jacked up my bikini line. I didn't appreciate either so I tend to regard it like the mean kid in school. I won't pick on it if it won't pick on me. Truce.
3. Will I recover and how long will it take.
I have a doctor's appointment soon and this question is high on my list! How long?!? I start serious rehab in September and I have no idea how long it lasts. If I had to guess I'd say a few months. I expect to FULLY recover! I'm kind of shocked at the number of people that want to know the deal here but us humans are morbid. If I was in the other boat I would want to know what that poor sucker did wrong to. If you know you can avoid it right? So here goes. Yes, my chances of having another heart attack have greatly increased. Does this mean I'll have one? No. I have every intention of doing what I'm supposed to. I know I got my stent a little, okay alot, early but that doesn't mean it can't rattle around in there for decades. I have no intention of dying young and no one that's treating me expects anything less then a full recovery. What happened to me is unfortunately common enough to be common. It's treatable. Sometime in the future I will be a heart attack survivor that is perfectly healthy.
4. How did you have a heart attack at 30?!?
No one would love this answer more then me! We simply don't know. It's very rare but a healthy young adult CAN die of a heart attack. I was a smoker and nicotine was a major contributor. It was the bullet but we don't know what was the gun. Did I have a heart condition that was undiagnosed? Maybe. I have almost no family history of heart disease though. I could very well have had something wrong. Once I started smoking my heart had enough and the end result was obvious. Other then smoking I took very good care of myself so the doctors are leaning towards this explanation. I may never know. Whatever was wrong was fixed when they put in the stent. On a good note, if you're going to have a heart attack, 30 is a good age. Being young and in extremely good shape helped save my life. I was strong enough to hang in there until my husband could ride to the rescue and save my life. I also have youth on my side when it comes to recovery. So far I have healed quickly and completely. All little children bounce and I'm hoping some of that resilience will rub off on me! I'm the little kid of the cardiac care ward and I fully expect to get brushed off and set loose.
So that's it! I hope I was helpful. If you have a question just ask. It's easier for both of us then the round about route and I'd love to help. Thanks for all the support and emails guys!
1. What does a heart attack feel like?
It's different for everyone. Men have textbook symptoms that we've all heard about. Us women have it a little rougher. In my case my symptoms were sudden and extreme. I had severe chest pain that felt like I swallowed a whole potato chip. I had the most extreme cold sweat I've ever experienced and I threw up. I couldn't catch my breath and was breathing shallowly. I "fainted" and when I came to I was confused and lethargic. I couldn't stand. There was no doubt there was something wrong but if you had asked if I thought I was having a heart attack I would have said no. I'm going to follow this post with another on this subject so keep your eyes peeled!
2. Heart jewelry and will I have to wear an ID tag.
I wish I knew folks. I want to say no. I don't think I'm going to need to wear a medical alert tag. If I'm told I need one I'll wear it without complaint but what I have is endured by thousands of healthy people that don't wear tags. I do have to carry cards on my person now that identify that I have a stent and an implant in my leg and their locations. I may eventually shop for a "nitro necklace." I have to carry nitro with me at all times and I keep it tied on a little string around my neck. No one notices it that way. I haven't bought a special necklace to carry the pills in because frankly, I hope I won't have to carry them much longer. If I'm told they're needed then I'll upgrade to a better fashion statement at that time. I'm not a big fan of the string.
As for the term "heart jewelry" well that's my little joke. I'm not being offensive or disrespectful. As far as I'm concerned my tiny stent saved my life so it may as well be solid gold. It's also as permanent as that tattoo you wish you hadn't gotten. It's mine, and now a part of my body, so I'm trying to make friends with it. The implant in my leg gets no such noble nickname. Mainly because it hurt like a mother and temporarily jacked up my bikini line. I didn't appreciate either so I tend to regard it like the mean kid in school. I won't pick on it if it won't pick on me. Truce.
3. Will I recover and how long will it take.
I have a doctor's appointment soon and this question is high on my list! How long?!? I start serious rehab in September and I have no idea how long it lasts. If I had to guess I'd say a few months. I expect to FULLY recover! I'm kind of shocked at the number of people that want to know the deal here but us humans are morbid. If I was in the other boat I would want to know what that poor sucker did wrong to. If you know you can avoid it right? So here goes. Yes, my chances of having another heart attack have greatly increased. Does this mean I'll have one? No. I have every intention of doing what I'm supposed to. I know I got my stent a little, okay alot, early but that doesn't mean it can't rattle around in there for decades. I have no intention of dying young and no one that's treating me expects anything less then a full recovery. What happened to me is unfortunately common enough to be common. It's treatable. Sometime in the future I will be a heart attack survivor that is perfectly healthy.
4. How did you have a heart attack at 30?!?
No one would love this answer more then me! We simply don't know. It's very rare but a healthy young adult CAN die of a heart attack. I was a smoker and nicotine was a major contributor. It was the bullet but we don't know what was the gun. Did I have a heart condition that was undiagnosed? Maybe. I have almost no family history of heart disease though. I could very well have had something wrong. Once I started smoking my heart had enough and the end result was obvious. Other then smoking I took very good care of myself so the doctors are leaning towards this explanation. I may never know. Whatever was wrong was fixed when they put in the stent. On a good note, if you're going to have a heart attack, 30 is a good age. Being young and in extremely good shape helped save my life. I was strong enough to hang in there until my husband could ride to the rescue and save my life. I also have youth on my side when it comes to recovery. So far I have healed quickly and completely. All little children bounce and I'm hoping some of that resilience will rub off on me! I'm the little kid of the cardiac care ward and I fully expect to get brushed off and set loose.
So that's it! I hope I was helpful. If you have a question just ask. It's easier for both of us then the round about route and I'd love to help. Thanks for all the support and emails guys!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Heart Walk
Did you ever wish your body had an instruction manual? Well I got one. It's a bright red folder with the words Cardiac Health and Rehab stamped on the front. Inside is my new life. On one side is a list of all of my medications and before and after pictures of my heart. Instructions on dosage and a pretty grim list of warnings and side effects make for some interesting reading. On the other side is my new manual. I have a new diet. It's not very different from the old. I have a list of no no's. No smoking, no activity, no sex. Sigh. My new goal in life is to have one so I'll do as I'm told. So what is a cardiac patient allowed to do? There's a page for that to. It's my exercise schedule. My walks are my new chocolate. I look forward to them everyday and count down till my next one. My page has a schedule that looks like this...
Week 1 - Walk 4-5 minutes 3-4 times a day
Week 2 - Walk 6-8 minutes 3-4 times a day
Weeks 3 - 4 Walk 10-15 minutes 2-3 times a day
Ultimate Goal is to be walking 30-45 minutes 4-5 times a week.
I will agree to all of this but the ultimate goal. Mine is quite a bit higher then that. My goal is to be running again. Maybe even run in that 5K I've been dreaming about. I don't see why I can't just because I have a stent in my heart.
My first week home was hard. My leg is very sore and I quickly figure out that walking helps. Unfortunately, I want to walk further then my new body does. I figure out why I have the list. 4-5 minutes means just that. No more. I set goals for myself and work towards them. Today I'm going to walk to that oak tree. Tomorrow I want to make it to the beach. Next week I want to go to the far side of the marina where the shipyard and shrimpboats are. Eventually I want to walk out of the marina and down Seacliff Drive. This may not seem very ambitious but right now Seacliff Drive may as well be the moon.
Because I love to and I need to I will walk no matter what. Rain or shine I'm out there. Quite often lately that's rain. You have to love the south. A few times I have gotten dizzy while walking and had to sit down. The trick is not to panic and to just rest for a bit. Don't get up and the feeling will pass. Last week right when my butt hit the dock it started to pour. All you can do is look up and say "Really? Are you kidding me?!" I sat there getting soaked and when I felt better I walked home. I toweled off and felt great. I met my goal that day by making it to the beach. Yesterday I got stuck in one of those steady drizzles. The first thing people do in the rain is run through it. I'm not allowed to do that right now so I just continued on my way. Lo and behold it was enjoyable! I walked through the marina, the only one out, in a misty rain and thought about how I'd never done this before. I was lucky to be alive so I was lucky to walk through the rain.
Before you worry, I have some walking rules. I didn't make all of them but I'm responsible enough to follow them. I always carry my phone when I'm out by myself. If I'm going to a new goal I call my husband and let him know where I'm going. One of my prescriptions is Nitroglycerin. It's the stuff you see old guys on TV slipping under their tongue right after they grab their arms and keel over. Luckily for me it's never that dramatic. Nitro stops chest pain. It's an emergency back up and will buy me enough time to get to a phone. I have to carry it with me at all times. It's just a tiny ampule that holds 25 tiny pills. I tied a string around the little ampule and keep it tucked in my shirt. As the nurse in the hospital said, " You don't got nothin' I'd call cleavage but you can still hide stuff in it." I have to agree! Lastly, if I get dizzy, I sit. God forbid I survive a heart attack just to fall off the dock and drown. Now wouldn't that be ironic?
Week 1 - Walk 4-5 minutes 3-4 times a day
Week 2 - Walk 6-8 minutes 3-4 times a day
Weeks 3 - 4 Walk 10-15 minutes 2-3 times a day
Ultimate Goal is to be walking 30-45 minutes 4-5 times a week.
I will agree to all of this but the ultimate goal. Mine is quite a bit higher then that. My goal is to be running again. Maybe even run in that 5K I've been dreaming about. I don't see why I can't just because I have a stent in my heart.
My first week home was hard. My leg is very sore and I quickly figure out that walking helps. Unfortunately, I want to walk further then my new body does. I figure out why I have the list. 4-5 minutes means just that. No more. I set goals for myself and work towards them. Today I'm going to walk to that oak tree. Tomorrow I want to make it to the beach. Next week I want to go to the far side of the marina where the shipyard and shrimpboats are. Eventually I want to walk out of the marina and down Seacliff Drive. This may not seem very ambitious but right now Seacliff Drive may as well be the moon.
Because I love to and I need to I will walk no matter what. Rain or shine I'm out there. Quite often lately that's rain. You have to love the south. A few times I have gotten dizzy while walking and had to sit down. The trick is not to panic and to just rest for a bit. Don't get up and the feeling will pass. Last week right when my butt hit the dock it started to pour. All you can do is look up and say "Really? Are you kidding me?!" I sat there getting soaked and when I felt better I walked home. I toweled off and felt great. I met my goal that day by making it to the beach. Yesterday I got stuck in one of those steady drizzles. The first thing people do in the rain is run through it. I'm not allowed to do that right now so I just continued on my way. Lo and behold it was enjoyable! I walked through the marina, the only one out, in a misty rain and thought about how I'd never done this before. I was lucky to be alive so I was lucky to walk through the rain.
Before you worry, I have some walking rules. I didn't make all of them but I'm responsible enough to follow them. I always carry my phone when I'm out by myself. If I'm going to a new goal I call my husband and let him know where I'm going. One of my prescriptions is Nitroglycerin. It's the stuff you see old guys on TV slipping under their tongue right after they grab their arms and keel over. Luckily for me it's never that dramatic. Nitro stops chest pain. It's an emergency back up and will buy me enough time to get to a phone. I have to carry it with me at all times. It's just a tiny ampule that holds 25 tiny pills. I tied a string around the little ampule and keep it tucked in my shirt. As the nurse in the hospital said, " You don't got nothin' I'd call cleavage but you can still hide stuff in it." I have to agree! Lastly, if I get dizzy, I sit. God forbid I survive a heart attack just to fall off the dock and drown. Now wouldn't that be ironic?
Home!
The first thing I saw when I got wheeled out of the hospital was smokers lighting up by the entrance. "My people!" Oh, wait, not anymore. It's the first of many nagging reminders that I am now officially a nonsmoker and if I smoke another cigarette it may kill me. Isn't it insane that I would still want one?!? Sadly, I do. I really do. Corey drove around to pick me up and I got my car ride back to the marina. Why the marina you ask? We thought about it. Kind of. For a while moving back into the house to rehab was a very real option. Here's why we decided against it.
1. I love living on my boat in the marina. It's calming and peaceful and that's just what the doctor said I needed to be. Calm and relaxed.
2. It's my own people aquarium. At the house I'd be very cut off. Here there are always people milling about and things in motion to see. I love the sailboats and the wildlife watching.
3. The said people act as unofficial babysitters. I'm never really alone here and help is yards away if I need it.
4. The boat is smaller so I don't have to walk far if I'm feeling bad and my rehab walks outside are beautiful. Who doesn't love a stroll through a beach and marina? If I'm lonely or bored I can cruise by the shipyard or the shrimpboats. There's always someone there to share some mariner's gossip.
5. I'm not in any shape to handle a move right now. All of the things I love are on the boat. You need more to run a house and frankly I don't want to be unpacking and dealing with all of that. Corey has more important things to do to so why bother?
See what I mean? I could go on but really, why? I want to be on the water so the water is what I got. I wish I could say I was in great shape for my homecoming but I was a bit of a mess. The only way I can describe how my body felt would be to say I went to sleep in the body I had had my whole life and woke up in a different one. Me and my new body have not made friends yet. It's sore and tired and blooming with bruises thanks to all of the blood thinners. I have needle marks everywhere. I lost 5 pounds in 5 days and now weigh in at a whopping 98 pounds. When I went into the ER I was a healthy looking adult in great shape. When I see myself at home now I have to laugh. I look like a crack addict or an abuse victim. I look sick and frail. How did this happen so fast?!?
In my own defense, this won't last long! No self respecting 30 year old is going to go down looking this bad. Break out the eyeliner! I get to walk for exercise and to stretch out my leg. I refuse to miss one. I do my little workout routine to try to stop muscle atrophy. Most of the bruises I can cover up and so what if they're there? I survived to earn each one thank you. If it upsets someone to see them, trust me, it upset me more to get them.
I can't even begin to explain what it felt like to arrive home. For a moment there I didn't think I would see it again. Driving up and smelling the water felt like taking a big fresh breath. It was relief, and peace, and a little elation. How did I celebrate? I went inside and took a nap. My new body has a short shelf life. It likes to sleep more then I do. Hopefully we can compromise sometime soon and both get what we want.
1. I love living on my boat in the marina. It's calming and peaceful and that's just what the doctor said I needed to be. Calm and relaxed.
2. It's my own people aquarium. At the house I'd be very cut off. Here there are always people milling about and things in motion to see. I love the sailboats and the wildlife watching.
3. The said people act as unofficial babysitters. I'm never really alone here and help is yards away if I need it.
4. The boat is smaller so I don't have to walk far if I'm feeling bad and my rehab walks outside are beautiful. Who doesn't love a stroll through a beach and marina? If I'm lonely or bored I can cruise by the shipyard or the shrimpboats. There's always someone there to share some mariner's gossip.
5. I'm not in any shape to handle a move right now. All of the things I love are on the boat. You need more to run a house and frankly I don't want to be unpacking and dealing with all of that. Corey has more important things to do to so why bother?
See what I mean? I could go on but really, why? I want to be on the water so the water is what I got. I wish I could say I was in great shape for my homecoming but I was a bit of a mess. The only way I can describe how my body felt would be to say I went to sleep in the body I had had my whole life and woke up in a different one. Me and my new body have not made friends yet. It's sore and tired and blooming with bruises thanks to all of the blood thinners. I have needle marks everywhere. I lost 5 pounds in 5 days and now weigh in at a whopping 98 pounds. When I went into the ER I was a healthy looking adult in great shape. When I see myself at home now I have to laugh. I look like a crack addict or an abuse victim. I look sick and frail. How did this happen so fast?!?
In my own defense, this won't last long! No self respecting 30 year old is going to go down looking this bad. Break out the eyeliner! I get to walk for exercise and to stretch out my leg. I refuse to miss one. I do my little workout routine to try to stop muscle atrophy. Most of the bruises I can cover up and so what if they're there? I survived to earn each one thank you. If it upsets someone to see them, trust me, it upset me more to get them.
I can't even begin to explain what it felt like to arrive home. For a moment there I didn't think I would see it again. Driving up and smelling the water felt like taking a big fresh breath. It was relief, and peace, and a little elation. How did I celebrate? I went inside and took a nap. My new body has a short shelf life. It likes to sleep more then I do. Hopefully we can compromise sometime soon and both get what we want.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
The Attack
The day I had my heart attack started just like any other. I live on a boat docking in a pretty little marina on Mobile Bay. I sent my husband, Corey, off for the day and went out to lunch at one of my favorite local places. Panini Pete's makes an amazing turkey sandwich. I ate the whole thing and started to feel a little dizzy and tired. I thought maybe I had eaten to much or maybe it was the sweet tea. I'm a healthy eater and sweet tea with real sugar is so rare for me now it's a treat. I drove home and laid down for a quick nap.
I woke up 3 hours later. I'd slept through the whole afternoon. The 5pm news was about to come on so I grabbed a Diet Coke and lit a cigarette. That was the cigarette the almost killed me. What happens next gets a little hazy for me. I'm sorry about that but when I look back on that day I have a lot of blurry memories. I'll do my best to explain.
I was smoking on the sofa, watching the news, when several things happened at once. It felt like a bomb went off in my body. I felt a sharp pain in my chest like when you swallow a potato chip. I staggered to the bathroom and threw up but instead of feeling better I got much worse. I broke out in a cold sweat and became very dizzy. Everything was greying out and the pain in my chest got much worse. It took everything I had to get off the floor in the bathroom and make it to my cell phone. I sat down hard on the floor, still pouring sweat, and my body just quit. It became harder to breathe and I was trying hard to get in enough air. Every part of me weighed 100 pounds. I couldn't lift my head off the floor or move. I was getting confused and I didn't think I could speak. I can't tell you how scary this feels. I didn't know I was having a heart attack. All I knew was I was very sick and I needed help and I didn't think I was going to be able to call anyone. One of the last things I remember clearly was pulling myself together enough to send this text message to my husband. It saved my life.
Text - Come home. Sick. Chest pain fainted. Hurry. August 7th 5:15 pm
I was taken to the ER that Friday night and was diagnosed with a heart attack. At 30. I was in serious trouble. I spent a few days in the ICU and had to have a procedure done called a cathe. They punctured the femoral artery in my upper thigh and inserted a wire like device that traveled up to my heart. Dye was injected into my heart to get a clear picture of what was wrong. To make a joke, they should have been looking for what was right. My husband was called and informed that I had to have a stent put in. I recovered from the narcotics to be informed that I had two new implants.
The first is my new "heart jewelry." I have a Xience V coronary stent in the left anterior descending vein in my heart. The stent was placed to open this vein and save my life. The second is called the StarClose vascular closure system and was used to close my femoral artery. Basically, it kept me from bleeding to death and enabled the doctor to use just a tiny incision. As that said incision is in my bikini line, I can't complain. I'm told I won't even have a scar.
Unfortunately for my husband, father, and anyone in my radius, me and heavy narcotics don't get along. I had no idea what was going on and placed the blame for waking up in the ICU with implants squarely on my husband and father's shoulders. What were they thinking letting this happen?!? Who authorized this?!? Once off the drugs I felt awful about it but I'm sure I'll never live it down.
I spent a little over 4 days in the hospital. Heart patients must be monitored and so I was. I carted around this heavy little heart monitor everywhere I went. I was told that no, I could never smoke again. It most likely would kill me. Yes, I am very rare. As of yet I have no idea how rare. I can't find any statistics. They also have no idea yet WHY I had a heart attack. We have the broad strokes. Smoking. But would that take down an otherwise healthy 30 year old? They don't think so. I'll get more tests later but we may never know. Whatever was wrong is now fixed so who knows. All I can be is grateful.
I woke up 3 hours later. I'd slept through the whole afternoon. The 5pm news was about to come on so I grabbed a Diet Coke and lit a cigarette. That was the cigarette the almost killed me. What happens next gets a little hazy for me. I'm sorry about that but when I look back on that day I have a lot of blurry memories. I'll do my best to explain.
I was smoking on the sofa, watching the news, when several things happened at once. It felt like a bomb went off in my body. I felt a sharp pain in my chest like when you swallow a potato chip. I staggered to the bathroom and threw up but instead of feeling better I got much worse. I broke out in a cold sweat and became very dizzy. Everything was greying out and the pain in my chest got much worse. It took everything I had to get off the floor in the bathroom and make it to my cell phone. I sat down hard on the floor, still pouring sweat, and my body just quit. It became harder to breathe and I was trying hard to get in enough air. Every part of me weighed 100 pounds. I couldn't lift my head off the floor or move. I was getting confused and I didn't think I could speak. I can't tell you how scary this feels. I didn't know I was having a heart attack. All I knew was I was very sick and I needed help and I didn't think I was going to be able to call anyone. One of the last things I remember clearly was pulling myself together enough to send this text message to my husband. It saved my life.
Text - Come home. Sick. Chest pain fainted. Hurry. August 7th 5:15 pm
I was taken to the ER that Friday night and was diagnosed with a heart attack. At 30. I was in serious trouble. I spent a few days in the ICU and had to have a procedure done called a cathe. They punctured the femoral artery in my upper thigh and inserted a wire like device that traveled up to my heart. Dye was injected into my heart to get a clear picture of what was wrong. To make a joke, they should have been looking for what was right. My husband was called and informed that I had to have a stent put in. I recovered from the narcotics to be informed that I had two new implants.
The first is my new "heart jewelry." I have a Xience V coronary stent in the left anterior descending vein in my heart. The stent was placed to open this vein and save my life. The second is called the StarClose vascular closure system and was used to close my femoral artery. Basically, it kept me from bleeding to death and enabled the doctor to use just a tiny incision. As that said incision is in my bikini line, I can't complain. I'm told I won't even have a scar.
Unfortunately for my husband, father, and anyone in my radius, me and heavy narcotics don't get along. I had no idea what was going on and placed the blame for waking up in the ICU with implants squarely on my husband and father's shoulders. What were they thinking letting this happen?!? Who authorized this?!? Once off the drugs I felt awful about it but I'm sure I'll never live it down.
I spent a little over 4 days in the hospital. Heart patients must be monitored and so I was. I carted around this heavy little heart monitor everywhere I went. I was told that no, I could never smoke again. It most likely would kill me. Yes, I am very rare. As of yet I have no idea how rare. I can't find any statistics. They also have no idea yet WHY I had a heart attack. We have the broad strokes. Smoking. But would that take down an otherwise healthy 30 year old? They don't think so. I'll get more tests later but we may never know. Whatever was wrong is now fixed so who knows. All I can be is grateful.
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