Do what I say, not as I do.

In light of my recent royal screw up I've decided to post a what to do entry. As in THIS is what you should do, don't read this blog and make my mistakes. I'm hardheaded/lucky/not a professional. Obviously, we can add not a good role model to the list as well. Just because I was a tool doesn't mean you have to be so here's how to up your odds of surviving a heart attack.

1. DON'T PANIC! The more wound up you are, the higher the pulse. Try to relax.
2. Find some carpet and make friends. Lay down, on your back, and work on #1.
3. Crush or chew an aspirin. Yes, you have to. Chewing it gets this poor man's blood thinner into your bloodstream faster. Just swallowing it isn't enough when you need a rapid release. Still fussy? Let's be honest. If you're Southern, you've eaten worse. Like raw oysters and sucked crawfish heads. Chew the stinkin' pill.
4. If you have nitroglycerin, use it, and start timing yourself. One pill, every 5 minutes for up to 3 pills.
5. Call 911 or have someone to call for you. Trust me, I get it. I don't want to either but you HAVE to. They can diagnose you sooner, medicate you faster, and there's no wait at the emergency room. It can absolutely save your life.

Still think you can drive yourself? At least call 911 and let them know your route and why you're traveling. Why? So when you crash on the side of the road they'll know where to come scrape you up. A heart attack is capable of dropping you fast. It's the worst you'll ever feel. A precious part of you could literally be dying in your chest. Don't drive. Ever.

6. Have a heart buddy and put them on alert. This is your person. Your go to guy. That person will follow you to the ER with a list of your medications. They'll know your wishes and be allowed to medically make decisions about your welfare. If that's not important enough, they're also the bringers of pajamas and clean underwear. Make someone in your family your heart buddy. If they don't live with you make sure they have your house key.

So there you go. Now do as I say, not as I did. I'll post sometime soon about the ER so you can see what comes next. Here's hoping none of you need this list!