Everyone that has had a heart attack has to go through a cardiac rehab program to recover from it. I've REALLY been looking forward to my rehab classes as a kind of way to totally recover and put all the heart disease "nonsense" behind me. I was a jogger before my heart attack and I was ready to jump on that treadmill and go!
Today was my first class and imagine my surprise when instead of being pumped up and progressing I'm instead having the WORST day since I was told I had a stent in my heart. I arrived early in my workout clothes and filled out a mountain of paperwork related to my condition. They pull you in an office and go over all your medications then ask you the most important question of your rehab process. What are your goals? I'm prepared for this so I confidently reply "I want to run a 5k by this time next year." A 5k is just over three miles and is an easy run. I have been looking at this goal as easy to reach and fun to work towards. My sweet new trainer looks me dead in the eyes and tells me that that's not realistic.
Excuse me? NOT realistic?!? It's three stinkin' miles! I'm not going to be able to run three miles?!? In a year? What kind of trouble am I in exactly? That's when the worst talk of my life happened. I'm just now learning that your cardiologist just patches up what is damaged and sends you back out with a prognosis of that PARTICULAR damaging event. Rehab is where you get the bad news. I sat in that chair and was given the worst news of my life. My trainer calmly and gently told me that I was NEVER going to get better. Ever.
I sat there totally shocked while these particular facts were delivered to me.
1. I have heart disease. It never goes away and is incurable. It gets progressively worse, so I will always have a cardiologist and will always need to monitor it. For the rest of my life.
2. I need to become an expert on all things heart. It's one hell of a crash course. I need to understand everything I can about blood pressure reading, blood tests, hospital tests, and the inner and outer workings of my heart. They're important. For the rest of my life.
3. Some medication I'll be able to stop taking, some I will be on forever. I will always have to be monitored though and there will always be pills. I may be nitroglycerin dependant. For the rest of my life.
4. I have a new diet, a new workout routine, and new lifestyle. If I do not maintain the strict rules of this lifestyle I am risking another heart attack. I can never even THINK about fast food. For the rest of my life.
5. I have some heart damage and it's NEVER going away. I can learn to work around it, and I can make the rest of my heart stronger, but the damage is there. Permanently. Instead of recovery, I need to be focusing on learning how to get the most out of what I have left.
6. That 5k that looked so easy? It's a barely reachable goal. To achieve it, I have to become an athlete. Reaching that finish line is a MAJOR life accomplishment.
Can you guess the part that upsets me the most? For the rest of my life! I had REALLY thought that I was going to walk away from this with a clean bill of health. I have never considered the fact that I was in that serious of a situation that I wasn't going to recover from it. The harsh reality is that I have heart disease. It's sneaky and it's silent. My heart is my newest and biggest enemy. If I slip up, if I don't stay on top of it, if I forget for one minute it's there, it can get worse. Halting the progression of this disease has to become one of the biggest priorities of my life. Holy goodness, this could kill me! Fast! If I don't play by the rules I'll have stents all over and a very short, very sick life.
Enough of that. As you can imagine I was pretty shocked to leave for rehab excited and end up sitting on my sofa a little teary in the afternoon. I need to get my game face on! If I have to super glue that sucker in place then that's what I'll do. My goal is still that 5k. If becoming an athlete and making some changes is necessary then that's what it takes. I've always said I would go down swinging and I've just earned the longest fight of my life. My sister sent me a package that I opened today. Inside I found a workout outfit. The little tshirt says "Consider your butt already kicked." Now who would have thought I needed to kick my own butt?!? It's perfect and I can't wait to wear it to my next class. I've given myself an attitude adjustment. It sucks to be thirty and have heart disease. It sucks worse to be dead. Poor pitiful me huh? I've been sentenced to a lifetime of skinny jeans and flat abs. Oh the horror! I've cruised right over pitiful and have landed square on pissed. I'm furious this happened right now. I'm going to be the poster child for heart health. By this time next year I WILL be entered in a run. We'll just see who wins this little fighting match. I wouldn't bet your money against me!
Hello, Gillian...it seems a little more private over here than on Facebook. It has to be maddeningly discouraging to hear words like you'll have to do this, do that, etc. for the rest of your life. You probably were way too young to remember your great-grandmother, Granny Hifner's expression "I'm pulling for you," Well, I'm pulling for you.
ReplyDeleteLucia (your first cousin once removed)