New Year's

Happy New Year's everyone! I for one am just happy to see a new year roll around. It's a time for new resolutions and new starts. I need both so here's what I came up with.

1. I want a happy and HEALTHY year for me and all of my heart buddies. Take care of yourselves!
2. I hope this blog reaches someone that can be helped by it. If just one person is diagnosed early or is able to have questions answered then it's done it's job.
3. This new year is going to mean the end of my cardiac rehab and I'm NOT coming back! I'm going to stick to my diet and rock heart disease from here on out!
4. And last but not least, a silly one. I'm never ever ever dying my hair black again. It looks awful. What was I thinking?!? This is one I'm guaranteed to keep!

So there you go! I wish all of you luck with your resolutions. Lets start this decade out on a good foot! Here's to a happy, healthy, and good hair filled year!

Winter can shove it!

Okay I'm surprised by this one. So many of my heart buddies don't know this! Did you know heart disease flares up in winter? It gets so much worse and chest pain tends to hurt more. Heart patients are more tired, more cranky, and more at risk. Why? Because you're COLD silly! How do we not know this?!? Add in the holiday stresses and it's heart attack central. It's a shame.

Here's what happens... Your heart is warm and snug in your chest, protected by the cage your ribs provide. The problem isn't the trunk, it's the branches. You have arteries that run through your entire body. The really big important ones connect to the heart. There are two big ones in your neck and a good number nestle around your lungs to connect the heart.

If you poke your head outside and take a big breath of frosty air those arteries react like they're designed to... they squeeze to stay warm. This is all well and good but if you have heart disease this instinctive heart spasm can glue shut or narrow an artery critically. A person with angina (chest pain) can have a really painful flare outside.

I've got the angina (ahem) "issue." Because of this I'm being a good heart patient and protecting my neck. Literally. Chest pain freaking hurts. No two ways about it. It hurts bad enough to stop me in my tracks and make me consider what I'm doing wrong. It hurts bad enough to avoid EVER being that stupid again. Yes, it's that bad. Am I hungry? Tired? Upset? Cold? Solve the problem, take nitro, and I'm good as new.

So what to do in winter? Stay warm and dry. Protect your face and neck with a scarf. Wear a jacket. I know it's hard but try not to breathe cold air for very long and stay inside. I'm a champ at this. North Face should send me handwritten Christmas cards. I've got everything from the fuzzy socks to the perfect afghan covered. All it took was one extremely uncomfortable episode for me to get with the program and put on a North Face fleece.

I'm all about living a perfectly normal life with abnormal challenges. If you're able to go outside GO! Just take the steps to be safe. If that means wearing a heart rate monitor or putting on a scarf I'll do it. If I get too cold I go inside and warm back up. It doesn't mean I can't go back out. I think if you give up you're sick. If you keep fighting, no matter how sick, you're strong.

Jeez. Warn a girl!

Well I survived Christmas! My head cold turned into acute bronchitis. Two weeks later the doctors were treating it aggressively and trying to stop it from turning into pneumonia. This, I'm learning, is a common problem. Heart patients just aren't strong enough to fight off infections. They tend to snowball which is why so many of us die of things like pneumonia. Our hearts just can't keep up. A good example of this happened when I was at my sickest. My heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof and I could hardly catch my breath. Everything my heart had was going to fighting the infection in my lungs. There just wasn't anything left. Luckily for me youth wins again. I'm on the mend and about to head back into rehab. I HATED being sidelined! Come on! I'm ready to graduate!

Ready for my oddball thing of the week? Sure took me by surprise! I bought my husband a stack of DVD's for Christmas. The first one in was an alien movie called District 9. I don't have a problem with action, or aliens, of gross stuff but this movie totally flipped me out! No clue why but it did. It boo-ed me. You know when something pops out and scares the bejesus out of you? You got boo-ed. I totally got boo-ed. I even did the little jump and the girlie eep! noise. Embarrassing.

I settle back down when out of the blue... chest pain. Great. Sitting, thinking about it, nope not going away. Holy goodness I just got boo-ed by an alien and now I have to take nitroglycerin. The only thing I could think was if I was actually having a heart attack I'd never live it down. This is a whole new level of ridiculous. I'd never survive an alien invasion. I pop a nitro pill under my tongue and settle down to watch the rest of the movie. My husband cuts his eyes over to me and casually checks the time. I know he won't say anything unless I take another one and he knows I won't appreciate a conversation right now. Anybody that knows you that well is worth keeping around. Thanks handsome.

And the fun continues...

If you thought the last blog was gross PLEASE don't read this one. I've warned that the nature of this blog can be sometimes graphic and this is one of those times. Sorry. For all of my heart buddies out there I hope you can learn something from this and it will spare you the drama I just got to go through.

The great nosebleed continues! After all that mess the day before yesterday I had put my nosebleed behind me and settled into being sick. It's miserable but everyone gets the flu. Unfortunately, not everyone is on Plavix and Aspirin. Around 6:30 last night I coughed and the nosebleed started up again. This time was a little different though. It was literally dripping blood! Everywhere! No amount of pressure or Kleenex was stopping it so by 8:00 I was walking into the emergency room.

Have you ever just known something was wrong? After hours of pressure and it's still pouring blood I had a bad feeling that this was one of those times. I quit squeezing the hell out of my nose and just concentrated on keeping it from getting all over me. By 11:00 I was right. An ear nose and throat specialist had to be called in to fix it. Apparently, a vein in the very back of my nose had ruptured. No amount of pressure could reach it and with the Plavix it couldn't clot on it's own. Just great.

By now I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm thirsty, and I was so over this. Somewhere between the blood clots and the lidocane nose packing procedure I totally lost my sense of humor in the situation and just sunk into pitiful.

So what did they do? I had my nose packed with lidocane soaked cotton (OW!) to numb it. This was by far the worst part so that's the good news. After I was all numbed up they pull the packing out and inject another numbing agent in your nose to totally desensitize it. After that the doctor cauterizes the broken vein. Viola! Just like magic, no more bleeding! I was kind of nervous about the whole burning nose thing but it wasn't bad at all! The bleeding had been much worse and after almost 7 hours of it I think I would endured much worse to make it stop.

So there you go. The joys of being a heart patient with the flu. The doctors orders are very low activity and no nose blowing. I just have to ride this out for a few days and I'll be as good as new. Now does anybody know any good jokes? Got any funny nose one liners? I could use a good laugh. :)

O.M.G.

Warning! This post is gross. If I didn't have some heart people as readers I wouldn't post it but I would have reeealy loved a heads up myself so here we go. Don't say I didn't warn you!

I got the flu!!! A month of hand sanitizer has been totally wasted and I got the flu anyway. So far, it's unidentified so I'm not worried about the swine variety yet. Why worry about something I can't change anyway? What I DO have is the fever, chills, runny nose, and generally achy miserable feeling. Medication has been called in and picked up so hopefully I'll feel better soon.

Ready for the gross part? Nosebleeds. Apparently if you take Plavix and you get sick a vein in your nose can bust and leave you with a really bad nosebleed. This would have been really useful information YESTERDAY! I've seen a lot of nosebleeds in my life and all it took was a little sneeze to cause the absolute baddest of the bad. I mean pouring blood. It was all over me and all over my clothes. So gross!!! It gets worse though. Plavix is designed to hinder clotting and prevent any from settling in your heart. Unfortunately, this means that clots that form in your nose don't know where they are and just fall out. Now I'd managed to remain calm until I saw that. Seriously?!? That's like horror movie bad. Alien movie bad. I ended up calling my cardiologist in the middle of the night flipping out with Kleenex everywhere. Not my finest moment.

Okay heart buddies. To spare you the trouble, I'm going to tell you what he said and give you the heads up I would have appreciated. DON'T put anything up your nose. That just makes it worse. Apply direct hard pressure to the bridge of your nose and wait it out. If the bleeding lasts over an hour, head to the nearest ER and have them pack it for you. Apparently this is totally normal and even expected to happen. Don't panic and if you have to go to the doctor bring a list of all your medications. Sounds like good advice to me!

Disgusting

People can be so gross. I'm not a fussy person but what happened to me today was so disgusting I just had to tell you about it. I was waiting in line at Publix when the lady behind me sneezed on me! No wait, it gets better. This wasn't a little sneeze. It was an all out achoo, vapor and all. You know how when you're really surprised or grossed out you just kind of freeze for a moment? I'm standing there, trying to figure out if that really just happened, while she's wiping off my arm and apologising. So, so sorry. Yada, yada. Swine flu, yada yada.

Whoa. back up. The snot woman was going on and on explaining how she was getting over the SWINE FLU and she didn't THINK she was contagious anymore. Dis-gus-ting. I mean really?!? You're just going to go out with the swine flu and sneeze on people? You're contaminated! Stay home for goodness sake and keep your germs to yourself! Good grief.

After a shower and about dipping myself in sanitizer I'm posting this to tell you why this may be a big deal for some people. Swine flu makes a healthy person absolutely miserable. It can kill children and people with preexisting conditions. What are those? People with lung, kidney, and heart problems. People with weakened immune systems. Pregnant women. People recovering from illness or injury. People like me. I'm one of the "healthy adults" that qualifies for the H1N1 vaccine. While I'm getting better, I'm not 100% yet. If I get sick with "the swine" I could potentially have a big problem.

See why it's so gross? I know you need groceries to but we have to talk. Stay home! You don't know if the person you just sneezed on is strong enough to fight off the swine flu. For that matter, here are some other tips. Cover your mouth! Didn't your mom teach you anything? Carry hand sanitizer, and use it often. Avoid close contact with people until you're better.

That's not a lot is it? I seriously hope the swine flu lady feels better soon. It's no fun being sick and we've all been there. I just want her to get someone else to pick up her chicken soup. It's an inconvenience, I know, but if you're sick you should really keep your bugs to yourself. If you happen to be one of the "high risk" people that are encouraged to get vaccinated, please do. I know it gets to be pretty miserable being poked and tested but really, what's two more right? Take your shots, get your cartoon band aid, and give yourself more personal space while waiting in line.

Good Read!

I'm reading an amazing book. It's called Take A Load Off Your Heart by Joseph C. Piscatella. One of my favorite parts? Joseph had to have bypass surgery in his early thirties. This guy gets it and really spells out heart disease in an easy way.

This story was the epilogue of his book. It comes from Chicken Soup for the Soul. It's why Joseph writes his books and it's one of the reasons I write this blog. The story is long, so I cut to the chase and gave you the good parts. I hope you still like it.

A man walked down a deserted beach in Mexico. He saw a man walking towards him in the distance. As the man got nearer, he noticed that time and again he bent down, picked something up, and hurled it into the ocean. As the man walked closer still, he noticed the other man was a local native. He was picking up starfish that had washed up on the beach and throwing them back in the water.

The man approached the native and asked what he was doing. The native explained that the starfish had washed up with the tide and if someone didn't throw them back in the water they would die. The man was confused. "There are thousands of starfish on the beach. You can't possibly get to them all. Can't you see that you can't make a difference?"

The native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and threw it back into the sea. He replied, "I made a difference to that one!"

This is why Joseph writes his books. If he helps just one person, he's doing a good job. Isn't that great? Oh, and by the way? Joseph is in his 50's now. He's in great shape. That's quite an accomplishment for someone who had two bypasses in his 30's!

My two favorite stories so far.

I'll never understand it but heart patients LOVE to tell you their heart stories. I started this blog out of self defense. I don't like telling my heart story! Once again, I'm the odd duck of my rehab class. Seriously though, what's the deal? It's got to be up there as far a life changing, traumatic events. Who wants to relive that?!? Then again, I'm a girl. Maybe something is lost in translation. Who knows. Here are two of my favorite heart stories. I got a kick out of them anyway!

One of the gentlemen in my class had a heart attack and got an ambulance ride to the hospital. He had to have 2 stents put in. Where did the ambulance pick him up? Hardee's. He was in the drivethru waiting for a thickburger. I kid you not. Dude, you're never going to live that down. Just saying. You had a heart attack at Hardee's!!!

One of my favorite cardiac rehab guys is the luckiest duck I know. Do you think if I stand close enough it will rub off? How lucky is he? He had a motorcycle accident! He got an ambulance ride to the hospital to. There he is all busted up when the doctor makes an interesting discovery. Totally unrelated to the accident, this guy is walking around with an aortic aneurysm!!! For those who don't know this basically means, that part of your heart can bust. Literally bust. My heart buddy was walking around with a bomb in his chest. If the aorta had ruptured, he would have died in minutes. See? Told you he was lucky! Thanks to his motorcycle accident it was discovered and corrected with surgery.

I love these guys. Hours of entertainment every week. It's fun getting to know them. The doctor calls our class the one blossom and 10 possums. Jeez. I'm glad I'm the blossom huh?

What the doctor said...

Well, it's official. I'm going to live. :) Today was my checkup with the cardiologist. All is well! Seems like I'm in good shape! Here's what he said...

The results from my stress test were rockin'! I ran on that treadmill forever! What does this mean? My heart can still work hard if it has to and my new stent is making itself at home. The test proves that it's healing up well. Thank goodness for that! How do you get it OUT if it has an attitude?!?

The grumpy news is that I'm going to have to carry nitroglycerin for a very long time and I'll need to stay on a bunch of medication for the rest of my life. I'll take it folks! It seems my heart has spasms and the arteries get squeezed. Ouch. That's the chest pain I've been feeling. It's called angina and I'll have to get used to it. Nitro does help greatly and with some medication tinkering I'll be fine.

What does this mean? When my chest hurts, I park it until it stops. That's it! I can live with this! With a good diet and if I keep ahead of the heart disease it won't take hold again. It's not a guarantee against another attack, but this REALLY ups my odds. Good, good news. It doesn't get better then that folks. Once you have heart disease you always have it. It's not something you can cure. What this news means is that we've turned the tables. Heart disease doesn't have a death grip on me. I have a death grip on it.

How badly do you want to shave your legs?

Pretty bad. I'm a firm believer in if you look better you feel better. Even when I was in the hospital I wanted two things. My hair straightener and cute pajamas. Silly I know, but I feel a little perkier when I don't look like a sick person. It's a girl thing.

This week I discovered the other downside of Plavix and Aspirin. I nicked my ankle. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal. One hour, several paper towels and band aids, and bleeding through that glue stuff you use to close wounds it started to seem like a pretty big deal to me. By the time I got that itty bitty cut to stop I was seriously considering calling my doctor.

The next day at rehab I discovered something else new. Even itty bitty cuts can reopen and bleed anew. Into your sock. In the middle of your mandatory workout routine. Gross.

Seriously. Gross. The moral of the story is this. If you have to take Plavix and Aspirin listen closely to your doctor. Absolutely no unnecessary surgeries! Don't even get a cavity filled without talking to your cardiologist first. Your doctors can adjust your medication and monitor you closely if you have to have surgery so don't flip if you need something done. If you are unlucky enough to cut yourself, don't panic. The only thing that accomplishes is it makes your heart beat faster and your thinner, non clotting blood just bleeds more. Relax and if it looks deep, go to your doctor's office or the nearest ER. Tell them what medications you're taking and let them fix it.

Easy peasy. Most people only take Plavix for a year or two. We just have to hang in there that long right? No cuts, no dentists, no surgeries. Lots of bruises. It's a small price. Just be careful right?

The Guys

I got lucky with my rehab class. They're a great group of guys. They were my second try and I'm so glad I moved my class time so I could meet them. I moved my time because the first class I picked wasn't a good fit. The members had been there a while and I was the youngest by (seriously) 40 years. Ouch. Now I know it's very rare for a 30 year old to have a heart attack but how was I supposed to relate to a bunch of 70 year olds?

I didn't. The normally cheerful class was silent the whole time. I might as well have been the smelly kid in the playground no one wanted to play with. These guys had a party going in rehab and someone young enough to be their grand kid wasn't invited. I moved my class time that night and called my sister hoping for some sympathy. In that way that only a sister has, she had me laughing about being "unpopular" in rehab. It is pretty funny isn't it? I got booted out of my first class! WHAT the?!?

I showed us for my next class armed with her advice. "You're not there to make friends. Just do what you need to get done and get better!" I was expecting another round of semi hostile geriatrics. What I got was a whole bunch of honorary daddies and granddaddies. I love my new guys.

Once they figured out I had a "reason" to be there I was taken around and introduced to my new crew. They pointed out the repeat offenders (guys going through another round of cardiac rehab after another heart event) and the "pig parts" (the guys with valves replaced with pig valves.) I met guys like me with stents and was proudly shown bypass scars and one new zipper scar. They're boisterous, they're funny, and they were all more then willing to let a "sweetpea" like me tag along.

It's like walking into a new family. One minute you're the odd one out and the next you're fixing their cell phones for them. We trade recipes and horror stories and they show me the music on their iPods. There's always the joke about the fried chicken and pizza that they're going to bring... next week.

These guys make rehab easier. It's hard being in there and learning your limitations. With a fun, supportive group you end up with friendly competition and a better outlook. The guys "get it." They know like no one else does what it's like to have a heart problem. I'm a lucky girl to have found them.

Don't feed the heart patient.

Ever see those signs at the zoo? Don't feed the lions! I need a t shirt that says don't feed the heart patient. Seriously. I do.

I know everyone means well but cardiac rehab patients are put on a very strict diet. The no salt, no fat, lots of whole grains kind of diet. It's designed to help with rapid weight loss and prolong our lives. Everything on the no no list directly relates to heart disease. Now if the cardiac rehab patient you know is sticking to the diet he or she is serious about living a long time. They're doing their part to fight heart disease. Don't try to feed them!!!

It's human nature. When someone gets sick family and friends break out the honey hams and casseroles to drop off with the family. They bring cookies and fudge baked with love and come to visit. Heart patients love the visits. We hate the food. When our diets start to work we're dropping weight. The same concerned family member that brought you the fat loaded tuna casserole will start encouraging you to put "some meat on your bones" and will encourage you to order fattening food at a restaurant.

I know you mean well, but heart patients know what they're doing. They're getting leaner and meaner to fight off heart disease and erode what heart problems that may remain. Cheats and treats are a miserly few and only your heart patient will know when they're due for one. Most times a loved one can do more harm then good.

Did you know chocolate is loaded with caffeine? Caffeine can cause a rapid heartbeat. This means that your heart patient you just brought fudge to knows how dangerous it is. You, unfortunately, do not. We may REALLY love your fudge recipe but we just can't eat it right now. I know you also may consider a "heart healthy" dish. The problem is the ingredients. Cheese, butter, eggs, and red meat can actually sicken someone who's become unused to eating them. Salt is a HUGE problem. Salt can cause heart patients to retain fluid. This may not sound to bad until you consider where it can go... into our lungs and chest cavity.

You're encouraged to not feed the lions at the zoo because what you give them may harm them. Unfortunately, the same rule applies to us. It puts us in a no win situation. If we don't eat it or accept it we risk hurting your feelings. If we do accept and eat it we risk harming ourselves. Can I make a suggestion? Try flowers or reading material when you visit your loved one. My absolute personal favorite is just bring yourself. If you feel like you must do something, make a donation to a heart related charity. I'd be THRILLED if someone donated to my cardiac rehab facility or the American Heart Association. Honestly, there's no greater gift then your love. It's plenty. I promise.

Well THAT'S reassuring!

Want to see what it looks like inside a cardiac rehabilitation gym? Sure you do! Wouldn't you rather see it on a blog then see it for yourself? You reeeeally don't want a membership at this gym. As exhibit A let me introduce you to the thing guaranteed to dampen even the most determined heart patient's spirit.

Tada! The crash cart! It's that blue thing on the left. See what's right next to it? Exhibit B, the scale! Every week you're required to weigh yourself while that crash cart leers at you. On my first day of cardiac rehab the crash cart was proudly pointed out by the staff. They told me it's only been used twice. Wow. Great. Really, thanks.

Now I'm sure twice is probably like almost never. To us heart patients sporting shiny new plastic pieces and pig valves, twice is hardly comforting. Are you seriously going to tell the guy with the pig valve twice? Seriously?!?

It makes no difference really. Everyone in the class has an unspoken agreement to ignore the cart. We give it a wide berth when we walk by and don't even look at it. The whole point of cardiac rehab is to teach us how to live long healthy lives. The guys and I tend to not linger on the thing that most points out our mortality. Working through the rehab is reminder enough.

I don't give that thing a second thought. I have to say though... I get a kick out of seeing visitors reactions to it. Maybe I'll even tell the next one it's only been used twice. :)

Well isn't that silly?

Wow. Blood pressure is a major contributor to heart disease. It's also a major clue that you may have heart disease. Those are pretty well know facts, but did you know that it's your body's way of trying to fix itself? How about the fact that it makes you feel just awful. Did you know that? Well here's some good news. It's treatable. Pretty darn easily to! Here's what your body is doing.

The pressure in your heart goes up because your arteries get narrow. Your heart still needs to move just as much blood but it has less space to do it. As a result it has to push HARDER! Imagine a water balloon with a pin prick in it. The water comes out in a little stream. If you squeezed the balloon the water will gush out faster. A heart that works that hard becomes a problem. Just imagine how tiring it must be.

High blood pressure starts to damage your arteries. This damage can turn into (brace yourselves) a burst artery, called an aneurysm. It can also make your arteries harden, cause stroke, heart attacks, kidney failure, congestive heart failure, and even death. I told you to brace yourself. That's some pretty awful stuff.

See, your blood pressure goes up because your arteries are skinny to begin with. Pushing the blood faster and harder tends to damage these skinny arteries more. What happens? You guessed it. They just get skinnier! More plaque builds up to "scar" the artery. The artery gets even narrower. Now your heart has to work even HARDER! So now your heart is really working hard. It's double timing it to get the blood where it needs to be. The bad news is that your heart needs blood to. It needs lots of oxygen to work. If it's working hard it will suck oxygen and use it to support itself.

To bad you need that oxygen to. Now your heart will pick itself first so you're left out. Sorry. Guess we didn't need to breathe after all right? All of the sudden people that suffer from high blood pressure find themselves exhausted and short of breath. It's a miserable feeling and it directly points to your heart working to hard. Have you ever wondered why you get out of breath when you work out or get excited? Well the answer is easy. When you're working hard, your heart is doing 10 times more. It's using your oxygen and leaving you a little short. Go figure. It can also make you feel bad by giving you dizzy spells, swelling up your ankles and feet, causing chest pain, changing your vision, giving you leg cramps, and causing you to lose your concentration i.e. forgetful periods.

What's silly to me is that so many people have a blood pressure problem and don't know it or don't treat it. It absolutely does lead to all those big bad things listed above that can kill you but more then that it makes you feel bad! If you have a cold you treat it right? Why not your heart? With the right medication high blood pressure is easily treatable. If you stay on the medication your heart will work less and work better. You'll perk up, feel better, and get stronger. Imagine that!

Now don't get all grumpy with your heart for sucking up all your oxygen and hurting itself worse. It's doing it's best with what you give it. Honestly, it wouldn't be in this mess if you'd been watching it! Luckily for all of us we live in a time when blood pressure can be treated with a minimum of fuss. There's nothing to it. Really. Most of the time your regular doctor can diagnose and treat it so you don't even have to go see someone new. Now isn't that easy? Honestly, I think it took me longer to write this blog post then it should take you to get it checked. No excuses people! Unless of course you WANT to feel bad...

Sometimes it sucks to be a girl.

Yes, really. Being a woman and having heart disease means you have a pretty grim outlook. That being said it's not a death sentence. Us girls just need to get it together and do better. Here's why...

Did you know that women are more likely to die of massive heart attacks? Why? Because we don't go to the doctor! Women are used to pain and tend to brush off the symptoms of a heart attack. When we're having one we don't go to the ER because we're embarrassed or don't think it's that bad. Unfortunately, I'm guilty of this. By the time I made my first ER appearance I had a major problem. Here are some statistics to show you just how common us girls are and why we die more. Scary stuff, but if you know you can avoid it right? Right?!?

1. Women are more likely to die within one year of having a heart attack.
2. Traditionally, women are less likely to get state-of-the-art diagnostic care and treatments.
3. By the time women are treated their heart disease is normally much more advanced then in men. ( Wow. I fell right into that one didn't I?)
4. Women are diagnosed with heart disease just as much as men are. The numbers match people. Your heart doesn't care if you're a girl.
5. Women are scared of cancer. Unfortunately for us, you have much better odds of dying of heart disease then ALL other cancers COMBINED! Wow guys, that's a lot of women. Add up all the women that died of cancer last year. Many, many more died because of their hearts. Sad isn't it?
6. Last but not least, women are more likely to die in heart surgery. Statistically, once we're on the table the odds aren't in our favor for make it off it.

Now this scared me a little. It's also oddly comforting. At least I'm not the only stubborn, heardheaded woman out there who didn't pay attention to her heart. We're all like that! Honestly, I spent more time in one day thinking about my hair then I spent in my whole life thinking about my heart. Pitiful I know, but at least we're all guilty.

Know better, do better right? I myself was a victim of some of these things. Here's how my little list shakes down.

1. I didn't go to the doctor when I had all of the signs of heart problems. It never even occurred to me.
2. Once in the ER I was in bad shape. It took them longer to diagnose a heart attack because I was a young woman who looked healthy. If I was a man in his 50's I would have been diagnosed at the door.
3. They let me eat chicken fingers! Chicken fingers!!! While I was having a heart attack! Once I was admitted, they still didn't want to admit that a woman my age was in that much trouble. They even allowed me to eat a major cardiac no no while they waited for my test results. More then anything this shows that even the best doctors can be surprised.
4. My surgery, a cathe procedure, didn't go well. Once I was diagnosed my heart didn't cooperate at all. I had to have a stent put in because all other attempts to repair my artery failed. It works great now but at the time if scared the hell out of my poor husband.
5. Because I waited and didn't know better, heart disease has a very firm hold on my heart. It's rooted deep and has progressed at an alarming rate.

Well that's the bad news. See how being a woman can directly affect your chances of survival? Scary huh? Now I have some good news. Well, good for me at least. I have amazing doctors. I have a wonderful cardiologist and a whole team of doctors and nurses that run my cardiac rehab program. These guys are rockstars. They don't accept failure and have taken a special interest in me. Thanks guys! I'm also on the biggest, baddest, and best of everything. From the medication I take, to the rehab I'm going through, and even my stent in my heart. Absolutely everything is the best of the best. It's new, it's expensive, and best of all, it works! This DEFINITELY ups my odds. I have an incredible surgeon, state-of-the-art medication and implants (bionic woman anyone?), and I'm getting the after care that's crucial to recovery and prevention. Add to that my age, health, and sheer stubborn nature and you have the chances of me living a long time firmly in my favor.

The moral of the story is for us women to understand the enemy. Quit worrying if you're going to get cancer or hit by a bus. Don't do what I did and ignore what your body is telling you. Go to the doctor. Get your cholesterol level checked. Take care of yourself! I know we're busy bees but if you don't take care of your heart, who's going to take care of your children's? Odds are it will be your husband. Now isn't that embarrassing?

What I Have.... Officially

What a relief! I FINALLY have some answers on what exactly is going on with my heart. Now the news may sound a little grim but knowledge is power. If you know your "enemy" you can attack it back. So here it is in black and white. Please keep in mind that I have a really good attitude while I write this... I'm not going anywhere!

I have "bad genes." What this means is that I have all the genetic markers for early heart disease. It isn't from one parent or the other. It's from both. The two combined have all the building blocks that I inherited. Add in smoking, and you have a perfect storm for heart disease. I was a walking time bomb. If I didn't smoke I still would have developed heart disease. Smoking just brought the problem to light sooner. In a way I'm lucky it did! I'm in the best shape of my life. Having a heart attack now means that I was strong enough to survive it. In a decade or two who knows what could have happened?

I have something called Atherosclerosis. Sounds scary huh? Well it is, but like I said before, if you know who's attacking you you can fight back. What does that big scary word mean? It means that I get a progressive buildup of plaque in the arteries in my heart. Want a better explanation? I sure did!

Clogged pipes. That's the simple easy answer. What happens is that the arteries around my heart have slowly been collecting plaque. Plaque is sticky and once it's there it's hard to get rid of. Gradually, the plaque will build up and your arteries will narrow. Once that happens clots can form and totally block the artery. That's a heart attack. The heart muscle isn't getting blood so it starts to die. That's the heart damage. If a "pipe" gets clogged in your heart you have a heart attack. If a "pipe" gets clogged in your head you have a stroke. Get it?

Now that's the easy description. The rub comes in with this. Why does the plaque stick there in the first place?!? Well your heart works hard. It's your pump and normally it does a good job. As it works your arteries are flexing and moving. Just like feeling the burn from a really good workout, your arteries develop tiny tears. These tears are itty bitty wounds. Now here's where the bad genes and smoking come in... they make the wounds worse! Risk factors like genetics, smoking, and stress are added up and your body (now isn't this ironic?) tries to defend itself. It rushes blood cells to the tears in your arteries. Cholesterol in your blood settles in the tear and gets stuck there. Over time the buildup will get worse and your artery will start to suffer. Eventually, a clot will form and the artery will stop doing what it does best. Keeping your heart and you alive.

Holy goodness that sounds bad right?!? Well yeah, it's bad. I can't candy coat that part. Here's the good news. I know what it is!!! Before I had the equivalent of a sniper attack. No real warning and no preparation. I lost a battle because I didn't know there was a war. Never again! I can't reverse the damage my heart already has but I CAN fight the atherosclerosis. I can adjust my diet, stop smoking, work out, and be prepared! Just as gradually as the plaque built up, I can erode it away. People that actively attack heart disease have a much better chance of surviving it. So don't count me out! I'll take those odds and I expect to be around for quite sometime.

A Walking Ink Blot

I'm on all sorts of medication. Most of those medications have to do with some function of my blood. Some prevent clots from forming and some keep my blood a little thin. Thinner nonclotting blood is a good thing because that means a clot can't form in my heart and the blood moves along at a good pace and gets where it needs to go. No more straining my arteries. Mine need a break! That's the good part. The downside is that these two drugs combined cause the only outward sign that I've had a heart attack. I'm a walking ink blot. A Rorschach test in motion. I'm covered in bruises.

Now before I start I should say that there's nothing about my condition that I'm ashamed of. Absolutely anyone can ask me any question and I will do my best to answer it. That's why I built this blog. Every day I have emails. I'm working on it guys! While Plavix (the clotting pill) and Aspirin (the thinning pill) are doing a great job at keeping me alive, bruising is a side effect that is obnoxious for me and causes a few uncomfortable moments for anyone who is near me. Like I said, it's the only outward sign that I've had a heart attack and people tend to notice. I decided to post this blog entry so I can get it out in the open and answer all the questions I'm being asked on this subject.

The blood in my body is different now. Because it doesn't clot and is thinner that means that the slightest bump or nudge can cause the blood to seep under my skin and cause a bruise. They don't hurt and often by the time I notice a new one I've forgotten how I may have gotten it. I try to cover the bruises when I can and ignore them when I can't.

Along with bruising I also get those strange blood blister things. They happen the most where the veins are closest to the surface like on my hands, feet, and forearms. Again, they don't hurt to bad but they sure do look and feel interesting! The first one I got was when I rapped the top of my hand on a skillet I was washing. I looked down a noticed a purple knot there. I'm a little embarrassed to say that I called my husband on the phone all stressed out and thinking I was dying of a blood clot. Nope, no clot, just a blood blister and it went away faster then a bruise so no harm done.

In a way the bruises are a good thing. It means that the medication is working and the narrow arteries I have are getting a bit of a break. The strain on them is less and the chances of getting another clot stuck in there is low. Yay me right? While it's mildly entertaining to have a bunny head on your leg, it would be nice if it didn't show up in the first place. I asked the doctors on my cardiac rehab team how long I have to take Plavix and Aspirin. Weeellll.... that depends. I'll be on the aspirin forever. It's cheap, it's easy, it saves lives. Sold. No complaints from me on that one. The Plavix is the kicker. It's expensive, causes the crazy bruises, and is a pain to take at the same time everyday. More on that later. If I'm lucky, I can quit taking Plavix one year into my treatment. If I'm doing good then, I'll be able to give it up and see how my heart does on it's own. The marks and bruises will go away after that.

Give a girl a break now will ya? It's a little hard to be stared at but I think the staring is harder on you. The next time you talk to a heart patient you can do one of two things gracefully. You can flat out ask. "How did you get that bruise?" then be prepared for the answer of "I have no idea." Accept the answer. A heart patient rarely remembers the tiny nudge that left the mark. I tied my shoe too tightly once. I had a nice smudgy bruise on my foot before I fixed it.

The other thing you can do is ignore it altogether. Yes, there's a bruise. You know what they feel like so why ask. Now that you've read this post you know it's unlikely to be a welcome topic. I'm not embarrassed to be asked but I'm asked a LOT. After explaining it over and over again the year of Plavix tends to stretch out before a person. Now imagine you have a buddy on Plavix (or something similar) and every time you see them you ask. See how tiring that can be?

I've found that the people I am most comfortable with tend to ask me once then drop it. It's hard living with a constant reminder on one's skin and having it pointed out can just make it harder. Ask if you must but don't linger. I've met some wonderful heart patients while I'm being treated. We all have marks sometimes and we all agree. Once you know it's just a side effect of the medication it's best left alone. Thanks guys and I hope that helps! Oh and for the crazy people that like to POKE bruises... quit that! Ow!

Now You've Done It!

There are five stages of grief. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In the last two months I have gone full circle and have decided to settle on my all time favorite. Anger. I've been told that when you're sick, you disassociate the problem from your body so that you have something to focus on. It's the mother of all defense mechanisms and boy does it work! Cancer patients hate the cancer not themselves. Heart patients hate their hearts. I absolutely need it to stay alive and my heart absolutely isn't cooperating with me. For the past two months it has done everything it can to make my recovery road just a teeny bit harder. I'm doing my part and my heart isn't pulling it's weight. The battle lines have been drawn with my body on both sides.

Anger is a good thing. It's a huge motivator. All you have to do is turn on the television to hear a story of a double amputee that gold medals at the special Olympics, a breast cancer survivor running a marathon, or a spinal injury victim learning how to swim. All of these people have the same thing in common. An absolute refusal to listen to their body's restrictions. Well my nose is out of joint now to. There is nothing in my life now that I hate more then heart disease. I fear it, I'm disgusted by it, and I absolutely refuse to let it dictate my life. I WILL stop my heart's progression with heart disease and keep it at bay. I will run in that 5k because I just don't understand why I can't. This "nonsense" picked the wrong girl to mess with. This is a fight I'm going to win. Sorry, but when you're angry enough to see red, losing isn't an option.

If diet and exercise will halt my heart's attitude I'll show you the mother of all training programs. Every weight training session that turns my muscles to lava, every apple I eat instead of a Snickers, every sweat soaked shirt is a punch in the face of heart disease. Every push up, sit up, and chin up is fueled by pure hate. Thousands of people (many in worse shape then me) have pressed on and held on and I will follow in their footsteps. I will always have heart disease but it doesn't have to have me.

A Harsh Reality

Everyone that has had a heart attack has to go through a cardiac rehab program to recover from it. I've REALLY been looking forward to my rehab classes as a kind of way to totally recover and put all the heart disease "nonsense" behind me. I was a jogger before my heart attack and I was ready to jump on that treadmill and go!

Today was my first class and imagine my surprise when instead of being pumped up and progressing I'm instead having the WORST day since I was told I had a stent in my heart. I arrived early in my workout clothes and filled out a mountain of paperwork related to my condition. They pull you in an office and go over all your medications then ask you the most important question of your rehab process. What are your goals? I'm prepared for this so I confidently reply "I want to run a 5k by this time next year." A 5k is just over three miles and is an easy run. I have been looking at this goal as easy to reach and fun to work towards. My sweet new trainer looks me dead in the eyes and tells me that that's not realistic.

Excuse me? NOT realistic?!? It's three stinkin' miles! I'm not going to be able to run three miles?!? In a year? What kind of trouble am I in exactly? That's when the worst talk of my life happened. I'm just now learning that your cardiologist just patches up what is damaged and sends you back out with a prognosis of that PARTICULAR damaging event. Rehab is where you get the bad news. I sat in that chair and was given the worst news of my life. My trainer calmly and gently told me that I was NEVER going to get better. Ever.

I sat there totally shocked while these particular facts were delivered to me.
1. I have heart disease. It never goes away and is incurable. It gets progressively worse, so I will always have a cardiologist and will always need to monitor it. For the rest of my life.
2. I need to become an expert on all things heart. It's one hell of a crash course. I need to understand everything I can about blood pressure reading, blood tests, hospital tests, and the inner and outer workings of my heart. They're important. For the rest of my life.
3. Some medication I'll be able to stop taking, some I will be on forever. I will always have to be monitored though and there will always be pills. I may be nitroglycerin dependant. For the rest of my life.
4. I have a new diet, a new workout routine, and new lifestyle. If I do not maintain the strict rules of this lifestyle I am risking another heart attack. I can never even THINK about fast food. For the rest of my life.
5. I have some heart damage and it's NEVER going away. I can learn to work around it, and I can make the rest of my heart stronger, but the damage is there. Permanently. Instead of recovery, I need to be focusing on learning how to get the most out of what I have left.
6. That 5k that looked so easy? It's a barely reachable goal. To achieve it, I have to become an athlete. Reaching that finish line is a MAJOR life accomplishment.

Can you guess the part that upsets me the most? For the rest of my life! I had REALLY thought that I was going to walk away from this with a clean bill of health. I have never considered the fact that I was in that serious of a situation that I wasn't going to recover from it. The harsh reality is that I have heart disease. It's sneaky and it's silent. My heart is my newest and biggest enemy. If I slip up, if I don't stay on top of it, if I forget for one minute it's there, it can get worse. Halting the progression of this disease has to become one of the biggest priorities of my life. Holy goodness, this could kill me! Fast! If I don't play by the rules I'll have stents all over and a very short, very sick life.

Enough of that. As you can imagine I was pretty shocked to leave for rehab excited and end up sitting on my sofa a little teary in the afternoon. I need to get my game face on! If I have to super glue that sucker in place then that's what I'll do. My goal is still that 5k. If becoming an athlete and making some changes is necessary then that's what it takes. I've always said I would go down swinging and I've just earned the longest fight of my life. My sister sent me a package that I opened today. Inside I found a workout outfit. The little tshirt says "Consider your butt already kicked." Now who would have thought I needed to kick my own butt?!? It's perfect and I can't wait to wear it to my next class. I've given myself an attitude adjustment. It sucks to be thirty and have heart disease. It sucks worse to be dead. Poor pitiful me huh? I've been sentenced to a lifetime of skinny jeans and flat abs. Oh the horror! I've cruised right over pitiful and have landed square on pissed. I'm furious this happened right now. I'm going to be the poster child for heart health. By this time next year I WILL be entered in a run. We'll just see who wins this little fighting match. I wouldn't bet your money against me!

A Little Bit of Progress...

I've been feeling so bad lately that I called the doctor's office and moved up my appointment. I wasn't supposed to see my cardiologist until 4 weeks after my heart attack but the progress I'm making is a little to slow. I'm tired, when I stand the room spins, and when I move to quickly everything goes gray. This dizzy, almost fainting feeling isn't going away and really hinders my activity level. My father took me out to lunch and 30 minutes in I was weak and shaky. That small amount of activity was all I could handle for the whole day.

My cardiologist checked my blood pressure readings and,after discussing the risk factors with me, he decided to take me off of two of my medications. One keeps my blood pressure low and the other is designed to keep my heart from spasming. I agreed to be closely monitored for the next few weeks in exchange for the nasty side effects to go away. Fair trade for me!

I'm writing this just a few days after my appointment and I'm really happy to say that all the dizzy, tired feelings are gone! It's amazing how certain medications can affect your attitude and your body. I'm walking further, eating more, and am now REALLY motivated to get in the gym and start rehabing in a few weeks.

A Speed Bump

"How low?!?" the nurse asked me. With those words it was confirmed that the speed bump I had been suspecting I'd hit was a reality. I'm the not so proud owner of a blood pressure cuff and had to report a week's worth of reading to my doctor's office. After rattling off the numbers over the phone I'm told that my blood pressure is way to low. I hate to say it but thank goodness.

I feel awful. I'm exhausted. Every little task requires a pep talk before and a rest after. If I stand I'm dizzy and if I move to fast everything grays out. I understand that this first part of rehab is the hardest but this can't be normal. Everyone says you need a few weeks to rest and give your heart time to heal. The only problem is that they seem a lot perkier then me. At 30 shouldn't I be at the head of the class or something?

The phone call to the doctor's office has confirmed that my blood pressure is way to low and no, I'm not doing anything wrong. This is great news because it can be fixed! The suspected culprit is all of the medication I'm on. I set an alarm and wake up every morning to take 6 different kinds of medication. Some of these I'll have to take for the rest of my life but most are only temporary. Most of the pills are meant to keep my blood from clotting and my blood pressure down. One of these pills is an overachiever. Instead of my heart beating at a normal pace, it's glugging along like I'm asleep. I've earned myself and early trip to the doctor's office to scope out the problem and fix it.

I hate to say it but I'm excited! Not only will the problem get fixed, I get a trip out! This is big stuff right now! I've spent almost a month laying down. I've finished all of my books and beaten all of my games. I'm to tired to tinker with my sewing so my sister is saving my life and mailing me a sampler to embroider for my new niece. If they can fix the problem then I'll have a lot more freedom and the energy to enjoy it. It will also get my poor husband off laundry and grocery shopping duty. Right now I'm doing my level best to not get discouraged and to stay optimistic. This is just a little speed bump and once it's fixed I'll be back on track again.

Sleep

I just can't. I've never been so tired in my life but sleeping through the night just isn't happening. The most I've managed is six hours. I'm turning into the queen of naps. When I get tired or my blood pressure gets high I lay down. More often then not I wake up a few hours later. It seems like every small victory I have is celebrated with a nap. My first drive by myself, visiting with friends for more then 15 minutes, cooking french toast, a longer walk. Naps after every event. It's a grinding fatigue that just won't go away. It means I'm healing so I try to be patient. The only problem is waking up tired. Where is the good overnight sleep?

This morning I found myself up at 4am and restless. I left my husband sleeping and snuck off the boat for my walk. I was armed with my phone, my nitro pills, and a book. I walked around the marina in a sweatshirt and pajama bottoms. I've lived in my marina for two years now and I've never seen a sunrise here. It's gorgeous. The bay is dead calm so the water hitting the beach has a noise like something breathing. I started walking under the brightest stars I've seen on land and I finished with the horizon starting to glow. It's seeing things like this that make sleepless nights almost worth it. Almost.

A Screaming Body

I have to say that when I researched this blog post I felt like a total idiot. I want this to be scary. Here's why. If 100 people read this, 20 of you may scratch your heads and get scared enough to go to the doctor. There WILL be something wrong with 5 of you. That's a very conservative estimate. Wow. Five people. If I had read this last month, would I have gone? Maybe. Could what happened to me have been avoided? Maybe. I'll never know because I never read this and I was arrogant enough to ignore what my body was telling me.

My body has been screaming at me for some time now. It may as well have been laying on the floor having a full out temper tantrum. I'm ashamed to admit this now. My irresponsibility and stubborn attitude walked me right into a heart attack. I was arrogant enough in believing that nothing could be wrong with a 30 year old that took care of herself. My body, on the other hand, was pounding it's fists and yelling louder.

In the months leading up to the day I had a heart attack I had been feeling... bad. I can't find a good word so that one will have to do. I was tired. The kind of tired that doesn't go away. I complained about it, but I thought it may be normal. I was feeling shooting pains in my chest and arms. The were sharp and painful but they went away quickly. I brushed them off as pains from working out. Sometimes my fingertips would tingle. Numbness? Not really? Oh well, it's gone now. I posted on my facebook page complaining of heartburn just days before my attack. I've never had heartburn and my husband told me it didn't sound like it anyway. I love to jog, but for some reason I was running harder and running less. I was struggling to complete the same 2 miles that was easy earlier. I blamed it on fatigue. Does that make ANY sense?!? I was blaming one strange thing on something else that was equally strange. As I read this list I can only shake my head. Dammit, I should have gone to the doctor.

This is for you ladies... Heart attacks feel different. Forget everything you have ever learned about them and listen to your body. Thousands of women have described their heart attacks and their symptoms vary greatly. Here and just a few of the things they said. Good grief, I hope someone reads this!

Chest pain
Shooting pain
Chest pressure
Chest tightness
Back pain
Jaw pain
Heartburn

Hmmm...

Numbness
Tingling
Dizziness
Fatigue

Really?!?

Nausea
Shortness of breath
Fainting
Run down feeling
Cold sweats

Are you kidding me here?!? There's more. Lots more. Here's a sobering thing. What do us women do? We blow it off. We'll take our children and nag our husbands into going to the doctor but we won't go ourselves. I happen to think this is because us women are tough. We carry the babies and suffer through monthly uncomfortable cycles in silence. We brush off symptoms because everything else is more important. Seriously. Is a woman tough enough to push out a baby supposed to worry about one tiny tingling finger? Yes. Please, yes.

So here goes. I'll ask you this. When I woke up and saw that my sister had flown all the way down to be by my side I was upset. I was happy to see her but she has two children. I love them more then anything and I didn't want my 3 year old nephew to see me like that. What example are we women setting for our children? If you can't be bothered to get yourself to the doctor why should your daughter? Or her daughter? Listen to what your body is telling you. Are you concerned about that mole? Concerned about that cough? Tired? See where I'm going with this? GO TO THE DOCTOR! Make someone hear you. You know your body and if by reading this you're thinking of something wrong then I'm talking to you. I know, I know. It's expensive. Trust me on this. Hospital bills cost more.

I'm not saying one of you out there will have heart disease. I'm saying one of you may. Or HPV. Or skin cancer. All of this is treatable! Catch it early and stop it. If not for you then spare your family the hospital trip and your friends from having to bring you books and lip balm. Okay that's it! I'm going to climb down off my soapbox now and put it away. I love you all and my prayers are with you. Next time you see me if you want to whack me on the back of the head for not being smart enough for going to the doctor, trust me, I'll understand.

The Greatest Hits

I get alot of questions. I HAVE alot of questions so I can understand people's curiosity. It's normal and no, I'm not offended. Ask away. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I may help save someone's life. If you answer enough, someone who needs to hear it will. These are the questions I'm asked the most. The greatest hits and the most requested.

1. What does a heart attack feel like?
It's different for everyone. Men have textbook symptoms that we've all heard about. Us women have it a little rougher. In my case my symptoms were sudden and extreme. I had severe chest pain that felt like I swallowed a whole potato chip. I had the most extreme cold sweat I've ever experienced and I threw up. I couldn't catch my breath and was breathing shallowly. I "fainted" and when I came to I was confused and lethargic. I couldn't stand. There was no doubt there was something wrong but if you had asked if I thought I was having a heart attack I would have said no. I'm going to follow this post with another on this subject so keep your eyes peeled!

2. Heart jewelry and will I have to wear an ID tag.
I wish I knew folks. I want to say no. I don't think I'm going to need to wear a medical alert tag. If I'm told I need one I'll wear it without complaint but what I have is endured by thousands of healthy people that don't wear tags. I do have to carry cards on my person now that identify that I have a stent and an implant in my leg and their locations. I may eventually shop for a "nitro necklace." I have to carry nitro with me at all times and I keep it tied on a little string around my neck. No one notices it that way. I haven't bought a special necklace to carry the pills in because frankly, I hope I won't have to carry them much longer. If I'm told they're needed then I'll upgrade to a better fashion statement at that time. I'm not a big fan of the string.
As for the term "heart jewelry" well that's my little joke. I'm not being offensive or disrespectful. As far as I'm concerned my tiny stent saved my life so it may as well be solid gold. It's also as permanent as that tattoo you wish you hadn't gotten. It's mine, and now a part of my body, so I'm trying to make friends with it. The implant in my leg gets no such noble nickname. Mainly because it hurt like a mother and temporarily jacked up my bikini line. I didn't appreciate either so I tend to regard it like the mean kid in school. I won't pick on it if it won't pick on me. Truce.

3. Will I recover and how long will it take.
I have a doctor's appointment soon and this question is high on my list! How long?!? I start serious rehab in September and I have no idea how long it lasts. If I had to guess I'd say a few months. I expect to FULLY recover! I'm kind of shocked at the number of people that want to know the deal here but us humans are morbid. If I was in the other boat I would want to know what that poor sucker did wrong to. If you know you can avoid it right? So here goes. Yes, my chances of having another heart attack have greatly increased. Does this mean I'll have one? No. I have every intention of doing what I'm supposed to. I know I got my stent a little, okay alot, early but that doesn't mean it can't rattle around in there for decades. I have no intention of dying young and no one that's treating me expects anything less then a full recovery. What happened to me is unfortunately common enough to be common. It's treatable. Sometime in the future I will be a heart attack survivor that is perfectly healthy.

4. How did you have a heart attack at 30?!?
No one would love this answer more then me! We simply don't know. It's very rare but a healthy young adult CAN die of a heart attack. I was a smoker and nicotine was a major contributor. It was the bullet but we don't know what was the gun. Did I have a heart condition that was undiagnosed? Maybe. I have almost no family history of heart disease though. I could very well have had something wrong. Once I started smoking my heart had enough and the end result was obvious. Other then smoking I took very good care of myself so the doctors are leaning towards this explanation. I may never know. Whatever was wrong was fixed when they put in the stent. On a good note, if you're going to have a heart attack, 30 is a good age. Being young and in extremely good shape helped save my life. I was strong enough to hang in there until my husband could ride to the rescue and save my life. I also have youth on my side when it comes to recovery. So far I have healed quickly and completely. All little children bounce and I'm hoping some of that resilience will rub off on me! I'm the little kid of the cardiac care ward and I fully expect to get brushed off and set loose.

So that's it! I hope I was helpful. If you have a question just ask. It's easier for both of us then the round about route and I'd love to help. Thanks for all the support and emails guys!

The Heart Walk

Did you ever wish your body had an instruction manual? Well I got one. It's a bright red folder with the words Cardiac Health and Rehab stamped on the front. Inside is my new life. On one side is a list of all of my medications and before and after pictures of my heart. Instructions on dosage and a pretty grim list of warnings and side effects make for some interesting reading. On the other side is my new manual. I have a new diet. It's not very different from the old. I have a list of no no's. No smoking, no activity, no sex. Sigh. My new goal in life is to have one so I'll do as I'm told. So what is a cardiac patient allowed to do? There's a page for that to. It's my exercise schedule. My walks are my new chocolate. I look forward to them everyday and count down till my next one. My page has a schedule that looks like this...

Week 1 - Walk 4-5 minutes 3-4 times a day
Week 2 - Walk 6-8 minutes 3-4 times a day
Weeks 3 - 4 Walk 10-15 minutes 2-3 times a day

Ultimate Goal is to be walking 30-45 minutes 4-5 times a week.

I will agree to all of this but the ultimate goal. Mine is quite a bit higher then that. My goal is to be running again. Maybe even run in that 5K I've been dreaming about. I don't see why I can't just because I have a stent in my heart.

My first week home was hard. My leg is very sore and I quickly figure out that walking helps. Unfortunately, I want to walk further then my new body does. I figure out why I have the list. 4-5 minutes means just that. No more. I set goals for myself and work towards them. Today I'm going to walk to that oak tree. Tomorrow I want to make it to the beach. Next week I want to go to the far side of the marina where the shipyard and shrimpboats are. Eventually I want to walk out of the marina and down Seacliff Drive. This may not seem very ambitious but right now Seacliff Drive may as well be the moon.

Because I love to and I need to I will walk no matter what. Rain or shine I'm out there. Quite often lately that's rain. You have to love the south. A few times I have gotten dizzy while walking and had to sit down. The trick is not to panic and to just rest for a bit. Don't get up and the feeling will pass. Last week right when my butt hit the dock it started to pour. All you can do is look up and say "Really? Are you kidding me?!" I sat there getting soaked and when I felt better I walked home. I toweled off and felt great. I met my goal that day by making it to the beach. Yesterday I got stuck in one of those steady drizzles. The first thing people do in the rain is run through it. I'm not allowed to do that right now so I just continued on my way. Lo and behold it was enjoyable! I walked through the marina, the only one out, in a misty rain and thought about how I'd never done this before. I was lucky to be alive so I was lucky to walk through the rain.

Before you worry, I have some walking rules. I didn't make all of them but I'm responsible enough to follow them. I always carry my phone when I'm out by myself. If I'm going to a new goal I call my husband and let him know where I'm going. One of my prescriptions is Nitroglycerin. It's the stuff you see old guys on TV slipping under their tongue right after they grab their arms and keel over. Luckily for me it's never that dramatic. Nitro stops chest pain. It's an emergency back up and will buy me enough time to get to a phone. I have to carry it with me at all times. It's just a tiny ampule that holds 25 tiny pills. I tied a string around the little ampule and keep it tucked in my shirt. As the nurse in the hospital said, " You don't got nothin' I'd call cleavage but you can still hide stuff in it." I have to agree! Lastly, if I get dizzy, I sit. God forbid I survive a heart attack just to fall off the dock and drown. Now wouldn't that be ironic?

Home!

The first thing I saw when I got wheeled out of the hospital was smokers lighting up by the entrance. "My people!" Oh, wait, not anymore. It's the first of many nagging reminders that I am now officially a nonsmoker and if I smoke another cigarette it may kill me. Isn't it insane that I would still want one?!? Sadly, I do. I really do. Corey drove around to pick me up and I got my car ride back to the marina. Why the marina you ask? We thought about it. Kind of. For a while moving back into the house to rehab was a very real option. Here's why we decided against it.

1. I love living on my boat in the marina. It's calming and peaceful and that's just what the doctor said I needed to be. Calm and relaxed.

2. It's my own people aquarium. At the house I'd be very cut off. Here there are always people milling about and things in motion to see. I love the sailboats and the wildlife watching.

3. The said people act as unofficial babysitters. I'm never really alone here and help is yards away if I need it.

4. The boat is smaller so I don't have to walk far if I'm feeling bad and my rehab walks outside are beautiful. Who doesn't love a stroll through a beach and marina? If I'm lonely or bored I can cruise by the shipyard or the shrimpboats. There's always someone there to share some mariner's gossip.

5. I'm not in any shape to handle a move right now. All of the things I love are on the boat. You need more to run a house and frankly I don't want to be unpacking and dealing with all of that. Corey has more important things to do to so why bother?

See what I mean? I could go on but really, why? I want to be on the water so the water is what I got. I wish I could say I was in great shape for my homecoming but I was a bit of a mess. The only way I can describe how my body felt would be to say I went to sleep in the body I had had my whole life and woke up in a different one. Me and my new body have not made friends yet. It's sore and tired and blooming with bruises thanks to all of the blood thinners. I have needle marks everywhere. I lost 5 pounds in 5 days and now weigh in at a whopping 98 pounds. When I went into the ER I was a healthy looking adult in great shape. When I see myself at home now I have to laugh. I look like a crack addict or an abuse victim. I look sick and frail. How did this happen so fast?!?

In my own defense, this won't last long! No self respecting 30 year old is going to go down looking this bad. Break out the eyeliner! I get to walk for exercise and to stretch out my leg. I refuse to miss one. I do my little workout routine to try to stop muscle atrophy. Most of the bruises I can cover up and so what if they're there? I survived to earn each one thank you. If it upsets someone to see them, trust me, it upset me more to get them.

I can't even begin to explain what it felt like to arrive home. For a moment there I didn't think I would see it again. Driving up and smelling the water felt like taking a big fresh breath. It was relief, and peace, and a little elation. How did I celebrate? I went inside and took a nap. My new body has a short shelf life. It likes to sleep more then I do. Hopefully we can compromise sometime soon and both get what we want.

The Attack

The day I had my heart attack started just like any other. I live on a boat docking in a pretty little marina on Mobile Bay. I sent my husband, Corey, off for the day and went out to lunch at one of my favorite local places. Panini Pete's makes an amazing turkey sandwich. I ate the whole thing and started to feel a little dizzy and tired. I thought maybe I had eaten to much or maybe it was the sweet tea. I'm a healthy eater and sweet tea with real sugar is so rare for me now it's a treat. I drove home and laid down for a quick nap.

I woke up 3 hours later. I'd slept through the whole afternoon. The 5pm news was about to come on so I grabbed a Diet Coke and lit a cigarette. That was the cigarette the almost killed me. What happens next gets a little hazy for me. I'm sorry about that but when I look back on that day I have a lot of blurry memories. I'll do my best to explain.

I was smoking on the sofa, watching the news, when several things happened at once. It felt like a bomb went off in my body. I felt a sharp pain in my chest like when you swallow a potato chip. I staggered to the bathroom and threw up but instead of feeling better I got much worse. I broke out in a cold sweat and became very dizzy. Everything was greying out and the pain in my chest got much worse. It took everything I had to get off the floor in the bathroom and make it to my cell phone. I sat down hard on the floor, still pouring sweat, and my body just quit. It became harder to breathe and I was trying hard to get in enough air. Every part of me weighed 100 pounds. I couldn't lift my head off the floor or move. I was getting confused and I didn't think I could speak. I can't tell you how scary this feels. I didn't know I was having a heart attack. All I knew was I was very sick and I needed help and I didn't think I was going to be able to call anyone. One of the last things I remember clearly was pulling myself together enough to send this text message to my husband. It saved my life.



Text - Come home. Sick. Chest pain fainted. Hurry. August 7th 5:15 pm

I was taken to the ER that Friday night and was diagnosed with a heart attack. At 30. I was in serious trouble. I spent a few days in the ICU and had to have a procedure done called a cathe. They punctured the femoral artery in my upper thigh and inserted a wire like device that traveled up to my heart. Dye was injected into my heart to get a clear picture of what was wrong. To make a joke, they should have been looking for what was right. My husband was called and informed that I had to have a stent put in. I recovered from the narcotics to be informed that I had two new implants.

The first is my new "heart jewelry." I have a Xience V coronary stent in the left anterior descending vein in my heart. The stent was placed to open this vein and save my life. The second is called the StarClose vascular closure system and was used to close my femoral artery. Basically, it kept me from bleeding to death and enabled the doctor to use just a tiny incision. As that said incision is in my bikini line, I can't complain. I'm told I won't even have a scar.

Unfortunately for my husband, father, and anyone in my radius, me and heavy narcotics don't get along. I had no idea what was going on and placed the blame for waking up in the ICU with implants squarely on my husband and father's shoulders. What were they thinking letting this happen?!? Who authorized this?!? Once off the drugs I felt awful about it but I'm sure I'll never live it down.

I spent a little over 4 days in the hospital. Heart patients must be monitored and so I was. I carted around this heavy little heart monitor everywhere I went. I was told that no, I could never smoke again. It most likely would kill me. Yes, I am very rare. As of yet I have no idea how rare. I can't find any statistics. They also have no idea yet WHY I had a heart attack. We have the broad strokes. Smoking. But would that take down an otherwise healthy 30 year old? They don't think so. I'll get more tests later but we may never know. Whatever was wrong is now fixed so who knows. All I can be is grateful.